There's no place like home...

The packing has been begun. I started last week with the closets. First, I tackled the things we don’t use every day... purging as I went. I have to admit, this whole downsizing process is really causing me to take a look at all the little 'things' that I feel sentimental about. I was careful to pack only our most beloved books, wrap only our most precious keepsakes & finally got sidetracked by several boxes of old pictures. It was such an unexpected joy to sit cross legged on the floor & rifle through the memories those old photos evoked. I laughed at the pictures of Chuck & I in our dating years & stared misty eyed at those of our children when they were small… Josh in his first Halloween costume, his mouth stuffed with candy…  Caleb swimming in his first football uniform, sporting a toothless grin… & our little baby Hannah, sleeping peacefully in a basket… wrapped in a fluffy pink blanket. 

 When I finally came to the closet under the stairs I came across the growth chart Chuck began on the wall when our kids were five, thirteen & sixteen. 

 I was struck by how much they had grown over the past five years & it left me with a little pain in my chest. I wondered if leaving the house where they have spent much of their growing up years would change the way they view ‘home’? Would the shortage of bedrooms & smaller space make them feel un-welcome? Pretty soon it began to really bother me… a lot. 

Then on Saturday, the boys came home from college for the weekend & I noticed something. We hardly left the living room. We lay sprawled out, limb over limb, on our sectional, talking & laughing late into the night. 

Long after everyone else was in bed, I lay awake thinking… this house is not what binds us together. It’s the relationships. It's the time we have had & will spend together making memories. It’s as Sarah Dessen says in her book, What Happened to Goodbye… 

 “Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”

The Voice of Adventure

So now that we’ve had a little time to get our heads around the sale of our house; we’ve begun to look for another place to live. While we have a couple of months to find something, I have to admit it’s a little daunting… & a teensy bit scary. As a girl who draws strength & peace from inside the four walls of our ‘home’, I’m anxious to find a cozy little place to settle in & nest.

& yet…

I can’t shake the thought that God is not through teaching me how NOT to focus on what’s comfortable & safe…

‘Jesus says the options are clear. On one side there is the voice of safety. You can build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, & stay warm & dry for what you don’t try, right? You can’t fall if you don’t take a stand, right? You can’t lose your balance if you never climb, right? So don’t try it. Take the safe route.

Or can you hear the voice of adventure—God’s adventure. Instead of building a fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart. Follow God’s impulses. Adopt a child. Move overseas. Teach a class. *Sell your house. Change careers. Run for office. Make a difference. Sure it isn’t safe, but what is?’ –Max Lucado, He Still Moves Stones.

I pray this day, for God to give me the strength I need to continue to step out in Faith & live the life of adventure He has planned for me...  

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? –Psalm 27:1

*I added 'sell your house' for effect :)

Jumping out into the Unknown...

“God is God. Because he is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. 

I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what he is up to.”

–Elizabeth Elliot

Well, it’s official!  December 28^th we will be homeless. As of yesterday afternoon, we have a signed purchase agreement on our house.

When our real estate agent called to tell us, Chuck & I looked at each other & began to laugh.  For the first time in 23 years of marriage we have absolutely no idea what we are doing or where we are going next. It seems completely crazy & yet… we have an amazing sense of peace about it.

Just yesterday my sweet husband made this blog entry. He described just perfectly, the choices we have made in order to 'put our money where our mouth is', to completely trust God's plan for us & jump out into the unknown…

“For the past several months, my wife and I have been doing a great deal of praying concerning the life we have been living for Jesus. We have been evaluating our motives, our desires, and our choices in light of scripture and found that what we, as well as many others we know, have considered the 'Christian Life', has really been nothing more than a justifiable secular Christianity. Together, my wife and I have identified multiple times when we sprinkled faith on top of our old nature and been content to call it an 'obedient' life.  

Not everything we have done or have chosen to do has been this way but over our adult lives, we feel as if we have bought into the 'American Dream' so deeply that it has tainted our vision of what Christ says should be our dream.  When the world tells us to seek the best and the most comfort possible, Christ says to trust Him for our 'daily bread' and to 'store up our treasures in heaven'.  When the world says to continually upgrade everything, scripture reminds us to 'be content with what we have'.

With all of these revelations in our life, my wife and I committed to pray about it all and see if we could discern exactly what God is asking of us.  What we heard was the most irrational request ever.  "If you really want to engage in this faith journey as I have requested of you, I want you to sell your house, and all of the other things that have been a stumbling block in your walk with Me. Don't worry about the economy, don't worry about the housing market, don't worry about what others in your church or your community will think or what they will say to you or behind your back. I have called you to follow ME.  Not this world."

I'd like to say that when Lisa and I felt the Lord say this to us, that we quickly thanked Him for His response and we got right on it.  But it didn't happen that way.  I wanted to question as to whether or not I heard Him right. Lisa cried and felt a sense of mourning for the things she felt God was asking us to give up...that we had grown so comfortable with.  But we knew we needed to listen.  We needed to do as we felt we were being told.  

So, the house is up for sale. We have sold several personal items from the house that we weren't using or used little and have been whittling away at the credit card debt, with the money from the sale of those items. 

We are no longer seeking to live the American Dream but the Christian one that God has called us to. Our hearts desire is to get to the point where we are at a place spiritually as well as financially where we are able to help people out of the blessings we receive from God instead of the scraps we have left.      

Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  For Lisa and I, we will look at people like the disciples and the other great people of true faith who sought to live every aspect of their lives sold out for Christ. And we will no longer focus on comfort and the deceptions of this world but will seek to maintain a constant focus on Christ, who gave everything so that we might truly live.”

As I find myself trying to get my head around the reality of our new circumstances, I'm finding myself drawn back to some of the things I first read in Crazy Love almost a year ago. Yesterday as we waited to hear back from our realtor about our counter offer, I read this quote by Francis Chan, “God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” 

And so... in 76 days, we will leave this home that God has so graciously lent to us for the past 6 years & embark on to the next stop in the journey He is laying out before us...

"The mind of man plans his way, 
But the Lord directs his steps."

-Proverbs 16:9

Melt down, cry fest & changing my life for good...

“Don’t concern yourself with being right in others’ eyes. 
And don’t secretly hope that their lives will fall apart so that your opinion will be vindicated. Instead, concentrate on obeying God in your own life and, when possible, helping others to obey Him as well. You don’t have to prove others wrong to continue on the course you know God has shown you.”  

-Joshua Harris

Ah yes… I know my blog has been quiet. Something really strange is happening to me. While I haven’t diverted from my common practice of reading & self reflection… for the first time in my life, I haven’t been able to write a thing. Instead, I’ve been talking. A lot. By now I think my husband, my sister Yaya & my momma are becoming worn out from all my talking.  & my poor friends.  I can almost see them begin to roll their eyes into the back of their heads when I open my mouth.

Ok. At the risk of causing you all to follow suit; I’m ready to write about it… so brace yourselves.

It all started about six months ago when I read a book called ‘Crazy Love’ by Francis Chan. This led me to pick up David Platts, ‘Radical: taking back your faith from the America dream’, followed by ‘Not a Fan: becoming a completely committed follower of Jesus’ - Kyle Idleman, ‘Forgotten God: reversing our tragic neglect of the Holy Spirit’ -Francis Chan, ‘Radical Together: unleashing the people of God for the purpose of God’ - David Platt, & courtesy of my my dad, ‘Seven: an experimental mutiny against excess’ by Jen Hatmaker . All which I read along with the piece de resistance, The Message Bible. AHHHHHHHHH! Never in my life have I been so convicted about my Christian walk. Not just in the way I study the Bible, share my faith with others or even my commitments to our church family, but rather in the way I live my every- day life, how I spend my time, my money, my energy. 

In the end I felt duped… & a little bit angry. There is no doubt that I have bought many of the lies that my American culture, as well as my Christian culture have told me. I have become so engaged in the quest for the house, the job, the church & the relationships that I thought I had to have; that I found that I've spent much of my life’s energy  focusing on a lot of things that just don’t matter. At least not in the spiritual sense. When had I forgotten that people are the only thing I can take with me?

When I realized that I’ve had it all wrong, I was devastated… I was humbled... I was moved to do… something.

But to be quite honest, the idea of starting my whole life over, retrain my brain to accept everything that God was teaching me & then to actually do something about it was so overwhelming I didn’t know where to begin. I mean, what if Jesus really meant it when He said, “If you want to give it all you've got, go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me.” –Matthew 19:21  GAH!

As Chuck & began to really talk & pray about what God wants us to do with our lives & ministry, we began to feel very strongly that we need to decrease our lifestyle so we can increase giving to those in need around us. The first part of following in this conviction is that we have decided to sell our house; downsize from our four bed, three bath home & move into a much smaller rental. We met with a realtor this week & will be putting our home on the market in August. I know that not everyone is going to understand what we are doing or why we are doing it. But it’s not a decision we have taken lightly. It is a decision we feel we are making out of obedience to God & we’ve come to realize that obedience isn’t a lack of fear. It’s just doing it scared.

I know in my heart that this is just the first step we are taking in this crazy journey.  I’m not sure what the future holds for us but I do know that God has a plan & purpose for us.

 & I keep coming back to Romans 12:1-2

‘So here's what I want you to do, God helping you:
Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.’

I’m probably not done talking about this… so I’m going to ask that you show me a little grace… & I’ll take your patience too if you will let me. Oh! & I’d love to ask you to consider  praying for us as we continue to follow what we feel God calling us to. 

A cup of uncommon friendship

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, 

always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you. 

Philippians 1:3-4

I pray over the cups in my cupboard.  I know it might sound strange but they remind me of people.   I have a big white mug purchased while on vacation with my friend Dawn in North Carolina & a round latte cup I bought with my girlfriend Ellen at our favorite coffee shop on Camp Lejeune.  There is a delicate china teacup I picked up in an antique store with my friend Heather just before I moved north & the little chipped mug tucked way in the back that my friend April picks every time she is at my house & I just don’t have the heart to throw away. 
 

Relationships are very important to me. Those that know me best know that I have fiercely devoted most of my life, time, energy & effort into my relationships with my husband & my children. & while I would probably look at relationship building as strength for me, I have to admit, light, easy, surface friendships are really difficult for me.  I’ve never been “good” at them. Small talk drives me crazy… I always find myself wanting to go deeper…

I’ve had all kinds of friendships. Some have been part of my life for a sweet season & others for the long haul. I have friends that I socialize with on a professional level, serve on committees, share car pool or work closely with at the office.  I have friends that I enjoy socially, have dinner with, take in a movie or concert together or hang out with on Super Bowl Sunday. I have intellectual friends that I meet with over coffee to talk about theology & books & girlfriends from high school who I reminisce with about the good ol’ days.& then there are my deep emotional friends.    

This is the type of friendship I want to talk about today.  

As I prepared for this message I realized two things… my husband is a genius, rock star. He writes & delivers a sermon every week & just putting down my thoughts on friendship in an orderly fashion has taken me six weeks &…. deep, authentic friendship is very rare.  

It’s scary to trust another person with your heart. 

CS Lewis in his book The Four Loves talks about this level of trust: 

‘To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything & your heart will be wrung & possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies & little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.’
 

I know that many of you have been beat up, burned out & betrayed by your relationships.  I have too.  But I want to encourage you today to be brave…  

Because when the chips are down, there’s just nothing like a good girlfriend... & deep, constant, godly friendships don’t just “happen.” They are built. 

... today I’d like to share with you from my heart, some things I have learned on my own friendship journey...

Spend time together...

You have to be willing to spend time with your friends. I must admit, I probably have lost some friends through the years because I didn’t have the time when they invited me to go places or share experiences with them. The more honest truth is I didn’t choose to make the time. We all tend to make time for the things we want to do. We must also make time for the relationships we desire to have.

When we don’t have time for our friends, we aren’t valuing our friends as we should. We also must be aware that we have only so much time in life, & we likely have only the necessary time for a handful of genuine deep friendships. That does not mean we can’t have more casual friendships---but for a truly deep friendship to develop, time together is vital.

Talk together...

Good conversation is the best way to discover who someone really is—-it is a window through which to peer into another person’s heart, mind, soul, and spirit. When you are with a friend, the topic of your conversation doesn’t really matter. 

I used to go riding with my friend Denise once a week.  We would saddle up our horses & head out on the trail, winding through the rocks & trees until we reached Lake Huron. What did we talk about? Anything and everything. We talked about whatever popped into our minds. Our conversation was free-flowing, easy, & natural—no subject was off-limits, no topic was too trivial or too big. 

Be a good listener…

I once called a friend to share some things that were really weighing on me. As I poured out my heart to her she cut me off short & said, “Whatever. That’s nothing….” & she proceeded into a long tirade about something that had happened that day at the grocery store.  I never opened myself up to her again. 

On the other hand…I had had a particularly awful day.  It was at the height of my eating disorder & Chuck had been in the field for several days for military training. I had been at home with my boys (then 1 & 4) without a car.  I called my friend Ellen crying. She listened quietly as I rambled on & on about how terrible my day had been & how I was pretty sure I had given birth to monsters who couldn’t possibly grow up into contributing members of society.  Blah, blah, blah, whah, whah, whah… in the process, I confessed that I had eaten an entire box of Captain Crunch cereal in one sitting.  She said, “Ouch! The roof of your mouth must be all torn up.”  I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. She went on then to speak truth & grace into my life.

When I think back on that moment I am reminded of  Proverbs 27:9 --The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. 

 Share tears & laughter...

True friends cry together & laugh together. When you have a genuine friend, there isn’t any hesitation whatsoever in going to them when you are hurt, rejected, or disappointed . . . or when you have a triumphant moment!

I have to say ladies, that those who stuff all of their emotions—--both sorrow and joy—--do damage to their own physical health. We need the “release” of tears and laughter in order to vent our emotions. Let it bubble out girls!

Touching...  

There’s power in human touch.

I am not a touchy person by nature. The joke at my house is that I have a giant bubble & my kids are always popping it. Even at their ages, Josh & Caleb insist on flopping on me & making me rub their backs.  Ridiculous.  It’s not that I’m adverse to touching, it’s just not part of my nature so I have to work at it.  When I first met Chuck, he freaked me out.  He did NOT have a bubble & he was constantly touching me.  I know what you are thinking but it wasn’t in a sexual way.  He’d just reach out & squeeze my hand or touch my shoulder.  It was soothing.  Comforting.

Most people are hungry to be touched—--it’s a sign of care, empathy, concern, appreciation, and value. I am certainly not advocating that you hug every person in sight, or that you be overly affectionate with casual acquaintances. You must be sensitive to what another person needs & desires.  But I am encouraging that you reach out & touch your friends.  A hug can be just the healing balm they need.  

Be authentic... 

When Chuck first entered the ministry my mom, the pastor’s wife extraordinaire, gave me some tips about being a pastor’s wife.  She encouraged me to hone my hospitality skills, do my best to keep a clean house in case people dropped by & keep a little stash of decaf coffee & homemade cookies on hand to make the drop-ins feel welcome. I’ve never been real good at all that traditional pastor’s wife stuff so it pretty much went out the window right away. Soon after Chuck began his ministry, I began teaching a ladies group in my home once a week.  Several weeks into the study we had had had a pretty busy day & so when the girls began to arrive my dirty supper dishes were still stacked up in the sink (HORROR).  As they trooped through the kitchen to get to the decaf coffee one gal stopped at the sink… she looked at the dishes & burst into tears.  I have to admit I was a little taken aback by that reaction but I put my arms around her & through her tears she told me that seeing those dishes showed her that I was a real person & she was able to open up about some much deeper issues that were troubling her heart.

Now I’m not encouraging that don’t do your dishes.  I’m just saying… don’t hide the HORROR… be yourself.  Don’t try to be perfect all the time… it’s exhausting & nobody believes you anyway. 

Being authentic also means not holding deceitful motives, hiding your feelings, or harboring a secret agenda. If you are going to develop a genuine friendship, you are going to have to let that person see the real you.

 Tolerance...

Friends tolerate the occasional bad mood, the hurtful comment said in haste, or the bad attitude that’s the result of being too tired or too stressed out.

Sometimes tolerance means putting up with an annoying habit. Sometimes it means cutting that person some slack when she’s fifteen minutes late . . . again. Not long ago, I told my high school girlfriend Mindi a story she’d heard so many times she could tell it in detail herself. Backwards & forwards. I knew it & she knew it. But she listened to me as if she were listening to if for the first time. She even laughed at the right parts. I love her for that.

Thankfulness...

A true friend voices thanksgiving for his or her friends. When my dear friend Dawn calls me from North Carolina I can always count on her saying two things to me at some point in the call: “I’m grateful to God for our friendship” and “I love you.” To have a friend who will openly & frequently make those two statements is a wonderful thing! If you haven’t told a friend lately that you are grateful to God for her presence in your life . . . or if you haven’t said, “I love you,” to a friend. . . I encourage you to do so.

 & finally... back to the cups in my cupboard... 

Each time I take one down, I pray for my friends.  I pray that they will have loving, committed marriage relationships & that they will be patient & tender with their children.   I pray that they will find purpose in their day to day tasks & meaning in their ministries.  Most of all, I pray that they will have passionate relationships with Jesus.

My friends are precious to me.  Like the cups in my cupboard they each posses unique qualities that set them apart from other people in the world.  And yet… they share in common the qualities of being an uncommon friend.  They accept me—warts, wrinkles, weight & all—unconditionally. They will listen to me cry or complain and do their best to look out for my best interest…  They have supported me through thick and thin, but because there is mutual respect, they won’t allow me to wallow in self-pity or manipulate them.  They encourage me to be my best self & allow me the freedom to make my own choices.   

I too desire to be that kind of uncommon friend.  & I want to be deliberate about it.  I look at my time spent in prayer over morning coffee as part of my love & commitment to these special relationships.

The Elders' Wives of ACC

Life is an adventure...

 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 

-3 John 1:4 (NIV)

I know my blog has been quiet lately.  I’ve had a lot on my mind & no words to explain what is happening inside me. 

Our son Joshua is leaving on a six month youth ministry internship to Florida. He has been studying to be a youth pastor & now it is time for him to put his studies into practice…

I can hardly believe it.

It seems like it was just yesterday that he was just a “little” boy.  That amazing little guy with the bright eyes & charming smile who smelt of dirt & fresh air, climbed trees, played hockey in the driveway & wore his roller blades in the house.  

Not much has changed about his personality. He is still curious & precocious, full of joy & laughter, tender & encouraging.

I wonder if he knows how much we will miss him while he is gone… what an amazing big brother he is to Caleb & Hannah, what joy & laughter he brings to his Dad & me. 

I wish I could prepare him for what he will face in ministry. The pain of pouring his life into people who may never “get it” or worse, may choose to betray him; experiencing the harsh criticism of those that may not understand God’s vision for his ministry, the loneliness of his position & yet… to be able to experience the joy of watching someone choose to follow Jesus, the excitement of seeing lives changed by the power of the Holy Spirit, the incredible peace that comes with knowing God is working & the honor it is to be a part of it.  

I pray that as he embarks on this new chapter of his life, that God would bring pastors around him to mentor, love & encourage him & his giftedness. That he would be intentional & committed to his work, find wisdom & discernment in his relationships & experience joy & peace in his choice to follow Jesus plan for his life.

As his mom, I’m finding that being strong sometimes means being able to let go.... being able to allow my child the space he needs to grow & experience life, to have the strength to say that I cannot change the inevitable, & that the only way forward is a road best traveled on his own. 

The time has come for him to follow the path God has set before him, for him to find the strength to live his life with passion & purpose & begin to leave his own legacy. 

So today... I close my eyes... hold my breath… & say goodbye to my son...

Get ready world! You're bout to get ROCKED!