"There are two days in my calendar: This day and that
Day."
-Martin Luther
I am numerically challenged. No joke. Numbers mean nothing
to me. 1 or 100, it’s all the same in my mind. I don’t remember dates, times,
how much something costs, how much snow we have on the ground, what my blood
pressure is or if my blood pressure is good or not. Because I am numerically
challenged, I’ve learned to use a calculator, consult my husband before I
arbitrarily throw out numeric facts, ask lots of questions, follow recipes to
the letter & keep a family calendar that I update each month meticulously. Cause
no joke, my twelve (I think she's twelve) year old daughter’s schedule alone could
leave you breathless people!
Now I admit while I struggle with numbers & sometimes
rules & structure, I do not struggle so much with people. I love them. &
I love relationship.
Since Thanksgiving last year, I’ve been running the roads
& riding a relationship high. We spent Thanksgiving in Ohio with my parents
& my sister & her family & were able to head to Georgia between
Christmas & New Years to meet up & hang out with our kids (all of
them). It was glorious!
Of course we are back home now in the real world & I’m
not quite feelin’ it yet. Hence what happened yesterday…
At the beginning of each week, I touch base with my husband
& synchronize our schedules. When I did this on Monday I was surprised how
little we had on the calendar for January. My sweet husband declared, “Awesome!
Let’s keep an eye on that, it could fill up fast.” “Nah…” I crowed, “It’s a
brand new year & there is clear sailing from here to the end of the month
babay!” Then I sang a little song & did a little jig back on into LaLa
Land.
Last night, I got a text from a girlfriend who helps out
with my daughter’s small group asking if we were on for Wednesday. I chuckled
as I went off to consult the calendar (just to be sure) as I was certain it was
guitar practice night & we had some dear people coming for dinner
afterwards. However, as I approached the
calendar, I realized nothing was matching up.
N.O.T.H.I.N.G.
Imagine my horror to find that I had not flipped my calendar
from December to January & that instead I had written all of our January
dates on it. No wonder January seemed to be so easy breezy. My heart fell to my
feet. That calendar was such a hot mess.. . I literally had no idea where we
were going, when we were going or who we were going with & I had no earthly
idea how I would manage to unravel it.
At first I wanted to make excuses…
*Calendars’ are dumb. People should function more
organically. For REAL.
*December is crazy for a ministry family & clearly I’m
still there in my mind… & why in heaven’s name to people have Christmas
parties in January (cause we really DO have one tomorrow night).
*We’ve been on vacation & I’m still riding that high…
maybe if our families didn’t live so far away I wouldn’t have to flake out like
this after a visit.
*It’s been mighty cold here in Minnesota & my brain is
frozen… it’s literally been -44 degrees this week (I fact checked this) &
so this is probably my most viable option.
The truth is… I made a mistake. & maybe even worse… I AM
the HOT MESS. Gasp!
For whatever reason, I let down my numerically,
organizational challenged guard, didn’t pay close attention to what I was doing
& now I must pay the price with double & triple booked days, disappointed
friends I will have to reschedule with & a lot of time spent in the unraveling.
This morning, as I sat in my cubicle at work, thinking about
this big fat fail & how to undo it, I was grossly reminded of how really fallible
I am… especially when I choose to live in my own personal LaLa Land & do
things willy-nilly on my own aka in my own strength.
I can’t help but think about this
spiritually. Jesus words are glaring me in the face. In John 15:4, He implores
me to, “Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do
in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by
being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.”
Ouch!
Much like my need to need to remain vigilant
in my organizational life, I need to take careful care not to sit back, get all
lackadaisical & slip away from what is most
important… my relationships with Jesus.
You know, I’m probably never going to be one of those super
organized, got it all together kind of girls… I can only pray that the ‘fly by
the seat of my pants’ personality trait adds to my charm. A girl can hope
right? & while I can (most of the time) manage to navigate a world full of
numbers, I’ll probably always be tempted to wander off to LaLa Land. I mean what’s
not to love-love-love in that peaceful, happy, sunshiny, glitter infused place with
all its music & rainbows & unicorns & hearts & flowers. Deep down inside you want to live there too.
Oh & by the way, today, the ‘correct’ calendar tells me
it is January 8th
… whatever that means.
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