filling up the love bank... one shelf at a time...

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. 

-Ephesians 5:22 (the Message)

When Chuck & I were young married people, we were privileged to be a part of the most amazing 'small group' called Homebuilders at the mega-church we were attending. The group focused on building marriages & families & creating a support system for those of us in the trenches of marriage & parenthood... 

One of the home Bible studies we attended during that time, concentrated on building up your spouse. Put out by Family Life the study encouraged you to learn your spouse’s love language & to pay attention to the deposits & withdraws that you make in your relationship. They called this concept, "the Love Bank". No joke, this idea, hit me in the face like a brick. I’d never really thought about how my words or actions could affect my husband in such a profound way. The Love Bank made such sense to me. 

Because Chuck & I have such different love languages, (his are acts of service & physical touch & mine are quality time & words of affirmation) we were totally on different pages & had no idea really how to give & receive love from each other. It was quite the journey to figure out how to apply this new-found knowledge to our everyday life. I can’t tell you how many times I had to literally tell myself “Now… would be a good time to reach out & touch your husband.” Laugh if you must, but for me, because I don’t need that kind of affection to feel loved, it was hard for me to change my behavior to really love on my husband. 

I’m telling you all this today because of what happened yesterday. It’s my sweet husband’s birthday week & I really wanted to give him something he would appreciate. He is always looking for ways to encourage me & make me feel loved & valued & I wanted to do the same for him. 

So… I thought out of the box & I did something completely out of character. I helped him in the garage. 

Yes… I know. Those of you that know me well realize what a stretch this is for me. I am not handy. I do not enjoy dirt. & I’m not a big fan of physical exertion of any kind. Work to me is sitting behind a desk at the computer, cataloging library materials & writing summaries for books. 

But we had a garage that was desperately in need of organizing so I went along with my husband to our local home improvement store. We purchased shelving, a workbench (all which needed to be assembled), & wood, screws, rope, pulleys & nails to put it all together. 




 



What I thought would take a few hours, took a better part of two days. & what I thought would be a pain in the royal tuchas, turned out to be a really awesome time with the hubs. We laughed a lot, sang along to the radio & managed to put together & organize two shelving units, a workbench & hang a kayak without killing each other. It was AWESOME! & Chuck was thrilled. In that little bit of time I had managed to fill up the love bank to almost overflowing & that filled my heart with such happiness. 

I love my husband & all the ways he’s different from me. I am grateful for the way he loves & cares for me & our little family every day. The garage thing, or something similar should be more of the norm than a birthday week thing. So I’d better get over myself & get crackin’ on that… I got a bathroom to clean & a kitchen to sweep.

  

“In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. 

And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. 

So what do you do? 

You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. 

You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. 

And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings.

 This is what can happen if you decide to love.”

- Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God