The Final Word about running running running the 13.1

It's been almost two weeks since my dad & I ran the half-marathon. I've been going over it & over it & over it in my mind so I could write just one more thing to communicate how it went. To be honest, I still don't have words.

Then this morning, my mom sent me this article. It's my dad's February newsletter to his congregation. As some of you might know, my parents are about to embark on a new journey... one of retirement... whatever that means to these two adventurous souls. They sold their home in December & have been living with friends until their beloved church could find someone to replace him. In January, their church family called a new pastor. A young man, to whom Pastor Dan will pass the baton to in March.

I'm enclosing the article here because it is what I couldn't put words to myself...

FROM THE PASTOR’S MESSY DESK

“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure.  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the Faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award me on that day – and not only me, but also all who have longed for His appearing.”  2 Timothy 4:6-8

Last fall my daughter Lisa and I began to train for a half marathon to run together.  Our plan was to meet on race day in Naples, Florida on January 18, 2015.  Believe me, running a race in Florida in January was not a mistake.  What a great excuse to get out of the cold and into the warmth.

But half marathons are not something you just show up for in spite of the temps.  You have to build miles into your legs over a period of time.  We both started our 12 week training programs which involve running different distances at different paces 5 days per week.  One day each week we added another mile until we were running up to 12 miles in one training session.  So when we ran the race, it was something close to what we had done before.  The race was really the culmination of the long journey. 

I’m glad to say both Lisa and I put in the necessary work.  Running in the fall and winter around here is not ideal, but my training was nothing compared to what Lisa had to go through training in MinneSNOWta.  She had to wear special grippers on her shoes to run in the snow each day.  She’s insane.  I hear it runs in the family.  I’m so proud of her with her running mascara and runny nose.

Race day came.  We lined up with some 2,000 other contestants for this great event at the starting line at 7:00 a.m.  The temps were perfect and the course was beautiful, running through some of the most beautiful neighborhoods in all of Florida.  Actually the course was so beautiful it was distracting from some of the challenge of the race.  Lisa and I also chose to run the race together, side by side, to share the experience.  “Remember when we sweated like draft horses and agonized together for 13.1 grueling miles in the hot Florida sun?”  “Sure.  You know, you looked awful!”  “Yeah, and do you know you smelled like an ole tennis shoe?”

I’m so glad we did this together, although one of us could have left the other in the dust (at least that’s what he thinks).  Also, as a surprise, some of Lisa’s friends from Minnesota showed up to cheer her and me on.  They would pop up at different places in the race with banners and cheers.  What a great surprise and encouragement to have best friends share in your accomplishment.  Some of them actually had tears of joy and love in their eyes.  And it wasn’t just the girls.  By the way, Linda and Josh were sipping on coffee and eating pastry in a coffee shop while this was going on. Slackers!

Interesting:  Some runners started the race fast, and don’t ask me how, they finished fast, in record time.  They must have found a great short cut.  Some though, stared fast and ended slow.  Some started fast and didn’t even finish.  One guy even died just short of the finish line.  Thank God they revived him.  Some of us started slow and finished.  We finished!  We ran the whole race without stopping.  As each of us finished, we finished to applause and congratulations.  Don and Helen Skelton even came to cheer us through the finish line where we received a prize.  We laughed and smiled and wore our medals proudly as the phone cameras flashed.  Facebook here we come!  We are now legends in our own minds.  But does all this mean Lisa and I are finished with races?  Certainly not.  There are more races for us to run, till we breathe our last breath.

 

But isn’t all this really a parable on the Christian life?  First of all we sign up for the race.  We then learn about running the race from the training manual and other race contestants.  We adopt a good training regimen.  We consistently ran, day in and day out, week after week, year after year.  We have special game days, special days to perform special services.  We have friends to cheer us on and we have friends that we cheer on along the way.  We don’t run the race alone, we run alongside fellow contestants.  Some, more than others, choose to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation along the way.  Some finish their race before others. Each person’s race is different. Each person’s race is unique to themselves.  But when we all cross that finish line, we finish to the applause of that great crowd of witnesses and then we receive a reward from the Master of the race, who knows a little about running and finishing races.  “Well done, good and faithful servant (runner).”   

 

Thank you for running this race with me over these last 14 years.  It was a great and memorable run.  One I will never forget.  I will never forget you.  If I don’t see you sooner, I’ll catch up to you at the finish line and the great celebration to follow (the Marriage Supper of the Lamb).  But here’s the deal!  Let each of us finish our race well.  Let’s not break stride and let’s not quit.  Remember we have been created to RUN, so RUN!
                                                                                                  
In Jesus’ love, PD

 

“The reason we race isn't so much to beat each other... but to be with each other... there was some kind of connection between the capacity to love and the capacity to love *running*. The engineering was certainly the same: both depended on loosening your grip on your own desires, putting aside what you wanted and appreciating what you've got, being patient and forgiving and... undemanding...maybe we shouldn't be surprised that getting better at one could make you better at the other.”   -Christopher McDougall, Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen

Sunday Through a Pastor's Eyes

Recently, Hubs read me the following letter. He had found something like it on a ministry leadership site he frequents & he rewrote it to mirror his own experiences... I was so moved by it's authenticity & by my Hubs heart. So because it is Sunday Eve & I'm pretty sure my Hubs won't (he wouldn't want to seem like he was complaining... which to be honest, he rarely does), I am choosing to share it here with you with hope that you will read it with an open heart & mind & that by giving you a peek into the mind of my Hubs (& I'd bet many other pastors as well) on Sunday mornings that you might understand better how much he loves Jesus & all of you...  

 

"Why is it that Sunday's at 8 a.m. feels early? Driving to the church on empty streets, I hope that I will have time to go over my message once again before the worship service begins. I often wonder if there will ever come a day where I will feel 'ready' before Sunday services begin.
 

I see that Andrew, the area wanderer, who has adopted us, is waiting in his car in the parking lot.  I drive in and think to myself, "I hope today is one of his 'good' days."  You never know. "Good morning, Andrew.  Church doesn't start for another hour or so but you're welcome to come in with me and we can get a fresh pot of coffee started and you can warm up."  As I let us both into the building, I wonder if it's wise to be alone with him. I can see it's not one of his better days.

I've pretty familiar with the sounds of the empty church, but I hear something different this morning as I walk past one of the restrooms. Has the hand dryer been running all night again? I step inside to see if I can figure something out but I'm a pastor with absolutely no mechanical ability.  I guess our utilities bills will go over budget again, and once we pay for an electrician, the bank account will take an even bigger hit. Let's hope giving this month makes room for stuck hand dryers. I'll drop a note to the property chairperson.

On my way to the office, I check in on the sanctuary where the greeters are arriving and the worship team are setting up their instruments. "Good morning! Thanks for everything you all do!" I say as I turn my attention to the thermostat on the wall to make sure its set appropriately for service. Looks like we need more candles for the alter too, so I head for the office.

Finally, dropping my coat off on my desk, I have that nagging feeling that I should go over my sermon one more time. I go through the checklist in mind: Will thinking more about it really make a difference? Is there a chance that I will cross the line between under-prepared and over-prepared? Have I left room for the Spirit of God to work in it or is it too much of me? Man!  Will I ever have a Sunday where I'm comfortable with this?  I really should get those candles and write that email about the electrician.

Speaking of electrician, I probably should head back to the bathroom before people start arriving. On my way I notice Lawrence, one of our most faithful members, shoveling the walk again. I wave at him through the window and mouth the words, "Thank you!" "I really should invite Larry and his wife to dinner.  Such faithful people. Maybe next month."

Arlene rounds the corner and jokes with Dan then hustles inside. Greeting her with a hug, I ask if things are any different at home since the last time we met. Her face screams that it isn't but she does her best to reassure me that things are fine.  I'm at a loss as to how best to comfort her in light of the troubles she's facing. A sound tech pops his head out of the sanctuary and asks if I know where we keep the extra batteries. I quickly move the conversation with Arlene along and then excuse myself to dig around for batteries. Oh, and those candles too.

There's still time to get in that bathroom break before the service starts so I quickly scoot in that direction.  Passing the church office, I check in with the Elders and we have a quick run through the order of service and pray for the day. As we pray I remember that I never did go over the sermon that one last time and so I add a prayer that God will work through it all anyway. I feel Caleb's reassuring presence beside me during the prayer.  After the prayer is done he asks me how I am. He's the closest thing to a friend I have here and I'd dearly love to tell him everything. But what exactly would I say?  Besides, I realize there isn't time to go into it now, with the service about to begin. So I pull myself away from the elder's to head to the bathroom where I finally relax for a moment before heading out to start ramping things up. I realize that Sunday should never be a performance so I shouldn't be anxious yet, something huge is about to happen, and I feel the weight of the responsibility I have in helping make it happen.

Finally, making it to the sanctuary and getting to my seat, the service goes pretty much as usual. There's a commotion at one point as someone spilled coffee on the floor.  A few slides don't match the music. As we are singing the beautiful songs, I feel bad that my mind is not engaged in the lyrics of such theology but rather thinking about whether or not I have water up in the pulpit.  So, I duck out of the church to go make sure I have a bottle of water ready.  As I duck into the into the kitchen to get the water, I see the coffee volunteers are still there, cleaning up. I take time to thank them for their work and ask them how they are. As I am getting ready to head back to the sanctuary, one pulls me aside and picks up on a story he started telling me last week, a detailed analysis on the state of his intestines. I really hope my mic is off. I really do hope he'll be okay. Then I hope it's not contagious. I can hear the final song of the worship set wrapping up and I realize I have to run. As I dash back into the sanctuary just in time, I see I've forgotten my water bottle.

As I reenter the sanctuary, I make the choice to turn my hurried entrance into positive energy and set aside my self-accusation that I wasn't standing in prayerful preparation with the rest of these worshippers.  As I find my sermon notes and gather my thoughts, I'm happy to see people seem engaged. A few respond with laughter in the right places. At one point, I lose my train of thought and at another I forget an important segue, but I laugh at myself to pretend I don't care. Toward the end of the sermon, I notice a young man in tears in the back and hope they're good tears. As I'm getting ready to wrap this thing up, a new thought falls into place in my mind, something with rhythm that bears repeating, so I repeat it. Now, I check the time to see just how far off I am.  The final pieces that refused to fit together at my computer come together here as I speak, not only for my congregation but for me. When it's done I hope it also meant something to someone else.

The rest of the service is a blur of the words I say every week over offerings and communions and announcements and doxologies.  As I take a seat at the end of the service, I do so with a sigh. It was good and now it's done. I bow my head and the prayer feels so right. Or is it good because it lets me rest my eyes? Regardless, I am breathe a sigh of relief.  

I glance up from prayer to see a new couple enthusiastically moving towards me. I've asked their names twice now. It was two J's. Justin and Joanne? John and Julie? I see their faces and hope it means they enjoyed the sermon. But then I question my motives.  Is it my ego, wanting some sign that my work is effective? Is it good to want proof that God can use my feeble offerings to bless others? This new couple has just moved into the area and own a realty company and ask if they could hand out business cards and fliers in the foyer as people leave church.  As they hand me a business card, I see the teary young man standing tentatively behind them. He has that, "I'd like to speak to you but I'm standing a little way off so I don't intrude on your current conversation" posture. I smile at him to let him know I've seen him and try to find a way to include him.

My daughter brushes up against me and although I can't tear away from the chatty couple, I pull her close to me. I hope that she senses my attention even if it's divided. This girl has sacrificed more for this place than anyone knows, and I don't want her growing up thinking I cared more for my parishioners than I did for her. As I try to focus on what this new couple is saying, I miss it as I notice that the teary man has left. I hope he comes back next Sunday. I pray that God will guide him through whatever brought him to tears. I finally attend to my daughter's question, careful to give her at least as much of my energy as I give everyone else, and she skips back to her friends. I take the business card and apologize to the two J's, "I'm sorry but you'll have to pass out your fliers somewhere else.  Church isn't the appropriate place for that."  

As the couple walks away and I wonder if I'll ever see them again, I let my eyes scan the room. Is there anyone left standing alone? Any newcomer un-welcomed? People gather in happy groups, and I'm glad to see there aren't any loners. And at the same time, it saddens me. That makes me the only one.

Turning my attention to the final tasks to be wrapped up, I begin to feel my heart rate fall back to normal. As I walk through the entire building and with each door I lock, I find myself hitting a wall.  I can't wait to get home.  Lights are off.  Last of the people are mulling out the door.  I follow them to my car.  As I open my car door, I hear, "Pastor, before you go, can we pray? I have exams this week and I don't feel ready." Of course we can pray. It's what I'm here for. But I think, "If I had already left, would he have been okay? Would he have prayed without me?"  I feel for him genuinely as he shares his family's expectations and the pressure he feels, how he hasn't been able to sleep, which means he can't focus to study. It's beyond anything I can do to help so we pray.  I give his week to the Lord and we both feel a little better. "Let me know how things go! I'll be thinking of you this week!" I say, hoping that will be true.

Driving home, I go over my mental checklist: Did I catch up with the people who most needed my attention this week? Did I double check the door that sticks? I hope that Andrew hasn't hidden away in one of the back bathrooms again. Who can blame him when the streets are so cold? I hope there's a warm lunch awaiting me at home. But beyond hunger for food, there's a deeper hunger: for sleep. I've worked eight-hour shifts in offices and ten-hour shifts in restaurants. Why does this six-hour work day wear me out more than any of them? I guess it doesn't matter "why"... I wouldn't have it any other way." 

(This is a work of fiction loosely based on Hubs last seven years of ministry and adapted from an article written by Mandy Smith, lead Pastor of University Christian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio: http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2015/january-online-only/sunday-through-pastors-eyes.html )

 

One Word Resolve

"Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me."  -Jesus, John 15:4 (the Message)

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."  -Jesus, John 15:4 (NASB)

I don't make New Years resolutions. I quit that whole mess a long, long time ago. I just lack the stick-to-it-ness that the common resolutions require. Plans to exercise are easily forgotten with the lure of a cup of strong coffee, well-worn pajamas & a fat book. All semblance of a diet goes right out the window with my penchant for hamburgers, greasy French fries & craft beer. & don't even get me started on time management. I just have too much love for people. Chores get set aside to meet up with a girlfriend for coffee & the cycle of breaking the resolution continues.

Shortly after New Years last year a precious friend challenged me to a different kind of resolution. She asked me to choose one word... one where I felt God's moving... one word that I would choose to focus on for the year. I prayed about it & then it came to me. I chose the word 'ABIDE'.

It's funny how one word can change the course of your life. Even now as I type this, I'm astounded by the ways God has worked in my life, sometimes painfully, this year. 

Here is what I mean...

When I found myself on the edge of a full on melt-down over a too busy schedule...  
when I faced changes in my family...  
when I experienced a push into leadership...
when I felt ill-equipped or out of my element...
when I confronted by big decisions in my work life...
when I was frustrated with ministry...
when I was overwhelmed & exhausted...

there it was...

ABIDE

spoken into my life by treasured friends who hold me accountable...
read in the scriptures at the perfect time...
heard unexpectedly in the beautiful words of a song...
breathed into my soul in the stillness by my Savior...

I learned

to stop...
to pray...
to listen in the quiet...

I experienced truly what it means to Abide. Not in a perfect "I've got this thing" way, but in a "I want more & more & more of this thing" way.

This morning, this brand New Years Day, I began praying for another word. To be honest, I did this reluctantly, I just wanted to stick with the one I have. I know there is so much more Jesus has to teach me & yet... I know that just because I choose another word, it doesn't mean I won't continue to abide. I'll be growing & learning & understanding more of that crazy beautiful thing the rest of my life.

Today, as I was praying, a dear friend shared this profound truth with me, "we steer where we stare".

So what will I be 'staring' at in 2015?

GATHER.

I have no earthly idea of what this word will mean for my life as we move into 2015 but I am sure that whatever it is, it will be wreckingly good.

 

"How do we accomplish this matter of gathering life together in God?  We must begin primarily by refocusing our attention keeping our minds and hearts directed toward God. 

The essence of the centered life is attention to God in all we think, say and do. It is the growing realization of His presence in our most down-to-earth living."         
— Sue Monk Kidd, God's Joyful Surprise: Finding Yourself Loved

love in troubled times...

"Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look.

We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know.

We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore.

Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new.

The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it!

All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other.

God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins.

God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing.

We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them.

We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you."

 -2 Corinthians 5:18 (the Message)

This morning my Hubs gave a powerful message on unity... & the ministry we are called to as Believers to take on the mission of reconciliation.

Here are some of his thoughts...

"In wake of the numerous tragedies from Ferguson, Missouri to Chicago, Illinois to Brooklyn, New York, and all other places in between, I want to address all my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Let me state that ALL lives matter. As followers of Christ, we acknowledge that God created all of humanity in His image. Therefore, life is valuable and worth protecting regardless of skin color, age or cultural identity.

For those of you who are seeking to stir the pot of division among people based on such areas, you are forgetting that Christ said that as followers of His, we are one (Col 3:11-14). That we must live in such a way to promote unity. That our mission on earth is to seek reconciliation between man and God as well as between people (2 Cor. 5:18). As followers of Christ, we have become something bigger than our race, our cultural identity, our denomination....we have become united as one.

 Some who claim to know Jesus, have sought media attention and notoriety rather than true reconciliation. Tactics designed to segregate people (especially followers of Jesus) into sides is not reconciliation. It is deception. A smoke screen for an agenda other than true reconciliation. My prayer is that these people will allow the Spirit of God to move them back into alignment with God's way of seeking peace; "to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace" (Eph. 4:1-3). All followers of Jesus must live this way.

The Church of Jesus has an opportunity to be leaders in light of these tragedies. Yes, life is valuable. Yes, bad cops need to be held accountable. Yes, people need to obey the law. But instead of rallying around a particular context of opinion, we must rise above that and respond as Jesus would.

With that being said, please prayerfully consider your response to all that has been going on. Is it truly a righteous response or have you gotten caught up in the tricks of Satan to divide and destroy all things good?"

As he spoke, I found myself transfixed... my heart in my throat & on the verge of tears. It takes a lot of courage to ask people not to take sides... to set aside their feelings & look for the way to compassion, love & reconciliation... the way of Jesus. I'm not gonna lie, in the beginning I wondered how many angry phone calls he might get this week... in the end I found myself searching my heart for any bias in me & found myself conflicted.

Here's the real deal, I am fiercely loyal. To a fault. This is how God has made me. Since my Hubs became a police chaplain, I have developed a deep tie to our law enforcement community. I count our chief of police's wife as one of my dearest friends & the men & women who serve here in our little community are good people. Honorable people. When the news came in of the shootings in NY, I will never forget the baffled look on my favorite officer's face or the fear behind his young wife's eyes. Because I know them & love them, it is easy for me to choose the side that will keep them safe.

& yet... there were so many thoughts & emotions swirling around inside me... so much so that this afternoon when my Hubs lay down to take a nap, I bundled up & took a nice long run to clear my head & to talk to God.

Running is good for the soul & as I ran my mind began to unravel & the real question became clear.

How can I... in the place God has put me... be an agent of reconciliation?

I can choose to show compassion instead of indifference.
I can choose to bestow grace instead of judgment.
I can choose forgiveness instead of fear.
I can choose love instead of hate.

This kind of love is not exclusive. It sets aside my preconceived ideas about those I don't understand. It transcends all racial, cultural & religious differences. It is the healing thing that can bring us all... African American, Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian... poor, rich, educated, uneducated, white collar, blue collar, no collar... together as one. The way our God intended it.

I'm not being disloyal to my friends by showing this love to everyone... if anything, I'm deepening it. When we learn to love without conditions... without barriers... we love better. We love as our Savior loves us.

"But when the world can turn around and see a group of God's people exhibiting substantial healing in the area of human relationships in their present life, then the world will take notice."
— Francis A. Schaeffer (The God Who Is There)

a Thanksgiving run...

'Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts.

Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children.

Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.

Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.'

-Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (the Message)

This past Thanksgiving holiday Hubs & I took our daughter on a road trip to meet up with our son & his wife & to visit with our families. This is a new 'tradition' for us as we have mostly spent our Thanksgivings at home, taking in a movie at the theatre & grabbing a pizza after. Yes I know this appears to be some kind of thanksgiving sacrilege but this is who we are... non-traditional... 'don't tell us how to celebrate' kind of people.

Anyhoo, we first leg of our trip took us to my parents house where after the long rainy thirteen hour drive, we decided to spend our first day just resting.

As most of you know, I've been training to run a half-marathon with my dad in January so it only made sense for us to take a short run together. His 'short' three mile run turned out to be more like six. We had a good laugh about it. My dad doesn't do technology. No computer, no cell phone, no GPS, no IPod. So his approach to running is much different than mine... it's not so much about getting in his miles as it is about spending time with God in prayer & getting his spirit ready to tackle the day.

As we ran along his route he began to share these things with me & I was stuck by something very profound. My dad was in his own way, passing to me what is most important.

Here's what I mean...

When we think about what is most important in life, what makes a life successful we find that success is measured by a lot of different things... sometimes we measure success by our careers & our bank accounts... sometimes is our homes, cars & vacations... sometimes it's our health & physical goals... sometimes its the 'successes' of our family... our parents, siblings & our children... sometimes its our charitable work or benevolence.  Don't get me wrong, these are all good, rewarding things life has to offer us but are they what truly matters?

As I listened to my dad as we ran, I began to think about him & his life. I wondered... is this how he thought his life would turn out?

My dad is a pretty big deal. In high school he was a four sport athlete (he was inducted into his high schools hall of fame for this accomplishment in 2009). He had a promising major league baseball career in front of him out of high school... while these things are amazing accomplishments, this is NOT why my dad is a big deal. He's a big deal because thru some twisty turns in life my dad met Jesus & his whole life got wrecked... for the good. That hot shot jock went off to Bible college & became a pastor. 

Here IS the big deal.

My dad's compassion & love & care for people knows no bounds. As a pastor my dad shepherds the flock God has given him so well. He's all in... visiting in homes & hospital rooms & nursing homes, praying over & with those who are hurting & celebrating life's precious victories with them. He has the most amazing servant heart. Whether its painting the ceiling in the sanctuary or shoveling the walk for a neighbor, washing dishes or scrubbing toilets, or making my mom cappuccino every morning, he's the first one to roll up his sleeves & get to work. He's the best encourager & counsellor, encouraging people to do better, to be better because they are precious to God. He's a champion for the 'least of these' & for what's right... even if it's not popular or doesn't give you the warm fuzzies. I know that my dad isn't perfect... he's pretty open about that... but it is with a full heart & eyes full of tears that I type this truth... my dad is living his life well. I'm super proud of the man he is & honored that I get to be his kid.

As we rounded that last corner towards home I realized that while I have been training for this half-marathon to honor my dad in a physical sense... the best way I can honor both my dad & my mom is by living my own life well. Not having an inward focus but by having an outward one... not by trifling with things that will not last but by investing in the things that are eternal.

I get it.

As a mom of my own grown up kids, I don't care what they do for a living, what they wear, where they live, what they drive... I don't expect them to be perfect at life or even in their faith walk...  I do so care about their hearts. That they love without thought for themselves. That they be humble & compassionate & caring & thoughtful. That they seek justice. & above all else they follow Jesus with all their whole hearts.

Jesus.

HE changes everything.

 "Everybody has a vocation to some form of life-work. However, behind that call (and deeper than any call), everybody has a vocation to be a person to be fully and deeply human in Christ Jesus.” -Brennan Manning, The Wisdom of Tenderness: What Happens When God's Fierce Mercy Transforms Our Lives 

this is unstuffing stuff...

My help and glory are in God
    —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
So trust him absolutely, people;
    lay your lives on the line for him.
    God is a safe place to be. -Psalm 62:7-8 (the Message)


It's been a long while since I posted here... since right after our church's women's retreat. I've had a lot going on... in my mind anyway... & have been struggling to put words to my thoughts & to really write at all. 

I always struggle with talking. I'm super bad on the spot & very often even a well-thought out verbal exchange winds up sounding like "um...uh...potatopotatochingchongtomato?". But writing & even reading for that matter, has always been for me a like breathing... I read on the inhale... I write on the exhale...  the fact that I haven't been able to string two sentences together is a clear indication of being stuck or in my case stuffed.

I've had other seasons like this in my life, where after a particularly emotional event, I can't seem to figure out "what's next"? This time has been a little different in the sense that I've been a little all over the place. Don't laugh. More than normal people. I've been feeling all kinds of crazy emotions... some beautiful... some ugly... some peaceful... some challenging... all healing.

Emotions are difficult for me & to be honest, their out of control nature scares me a little bit. My rational brain can't understand when my eyes well up with tears for no apparent reason. When something happens & my emotions bubble up... especially when I think I'm past that thing... I want to stuff those feelings back down inside. 

Truth be told, God wired me to be a sensitive person. I feel things. Deeply. But somewhere along the way... through walking through tough circumstances in my life... I've developed ways of coping. A real defense against hurt. I've chosen to become a 'stuffer'.

I'm also a people pleaser & am more apt to give value to someone else's feelings than I am my own. I hate for people to be unhappy with me. Or disappointed... I really hate that. On the other hand, in my own disappointments, I'm the queen of 'pull up your big girl panties' & move on. Plus I hate confrontation, so there's that. Recently, my sister said to me, "You try too hard." She's right. I do.

It's sad really. I'm working on it.

& while I've been working really hard to un-stuff & embrace who God has made me, it's hard. I don't want to admit that in un-stuffing I've found that I don't have the rhino skin like I previously thought. I've found that inside, I don't always respond well to criticism, that I sometimes mull too long over things that have hurt me & that there is a well of unforgiveness deep in my soul. I don't like that. In fact, I despise it & I know full well I need to eradicate it before it hinders my relationship with my Savior. I need to be honest about what I think & feel & know as it filters through God's hands, even if that means someone might not like me... gasp. 

I can't afford to be a stuffer anymore.

Last week, one of my closest friends asked me how she could pray for me. It caught me off guard. Not that she would ask me such a thing-she has a knack for asking me such things exactly when I need them-I rambled on for a while about how I am busy but a good kind of busy & asked her to be praying that I will continue to find & focus on balancing God, family, work & church lady stuff. Later, as I thought more about what she had asked I felt shallow. Not that I don't need prayer to balance life & make the most of God has given me. But I am struggling with this emotional stuff. Not every day. But some days. & some days all day.

So I texted her back & unloaded all that stuff. I'm not gonna lie, as ugly as it was, it felt like a weight came off my shoulders. I'm not sure how my friend felt on the receiving end of that uber long text but I do know she will be praying till we can connect again in person. In fact, I'm counting on that. 

I also know that all of this un-stuffing is not something I'm going to be able to figure out & change in a day or a week or a month or a year but...

This morning, I pulled on three layers of clothing &  strapped on my Yaktrax to go for a run in the cold Minnesota snow. I wasn't even past the first mailbox when God began speaking to my weary soul.

"Don't be afraid. I love you. I will fight for you. You can cry. You can hurt. It's OK. You don't have to be so strong."

Truth is:

I need God to consume more of my life than He currently does. My soul wants Him so bad. I want Him to show up tangibly in me. I want Him to soften my rhino skin. I want Him to speak truth to my soul when I hear the lies of the enemy. I want Him to remind me that He is bigger than all my daily crazy. I want Him to stop me in my tracks. I want Him to change me so completely that people will wonder where I end & He begins. I want to know Him fully. 

the infamous book list

So... I've had several ladies ask if I could pass on my book list to them.  I am including it here along with my the notes from my break out session for the retreat.  For those of you that follow my blog, you will recognize some of the content from the past year. For those that know me well, you will recognize some of the content from my endless ramblings...

Living Life on Purpose 2014:

Hi!

I’m Lisa. I’m a PW. Which really just stands for Pastor’s Wife but makes me feel all covert like I’m a PI or work for the FBI or CIA or something. Don’t get too excited, I’m not what you might expect. I can’t play piano even though I took eleven years of lessons. I shouldn’t sing, except for in the shower or in the car with the radio turned up to thirty. I don’t teach Sunday school, mostly cause I stink at crowd control & the sound of my Minnie mouse voice whips small children up into a frenzy. But I love, love, love little babies with their tiny rosebud lips & their wide eyed wonder. I don’t work in the church office cause I have a little ADD & organization is not my thing. So if you catch me at church & try to set up a time we can get together for coffee or need me to relay something important to Hubs, I will likely have forgotten it by the time I get home. It’s not that I don’t like you or am trying to be insensitive. I just have a hard time keeping things strait in my mind. Shoot me a reminder email or text later. Trust me I will NOT be offended. Ever. Let’s see… I’m super laid back & hate dumb things like rules, grades, politics & conflict. Because I’m totally an introvert, I struggle with friendships, have to work really hard at things like small talk & I’m really best in my own living room sipping a cup of tea in a pair of old sweatpants… or maybe in a blanket fort.

So… welcome to my blanket fort. Please feel free to get all comfy. Kick your shoes off. Have a little popcorn. Pretend it’s just us in my living room. That’s what I’ll be doing… instead of envisioning you all in your underwear.

Ok. So… I digress. Back to the whole PW thing.

I have to admit, I was in the beginning, a reluctant PW at best & while it’s not really the life I thought I’d have, it’s mine & I’ve learned to love it.

This is my Hubs. He’s a burn-the-barn-down hottie. I’ve been his girl since I was fifteen years old. 

 

This is my family. They are all kinds of spectacular.

 

This is our oldest son Joshua & his beautiful wife Kristen. Josh is a youth pastor & Kristen a social worker who works with high risk kids. They live on the gulf coast of Florida where this picture was taken, with my two grand-dogs. Which I don’t have a picture of here but if you are interested in a photo I have approximately one hundred & seventy two on my iPhone. Hit me up later.

This is our son Caleb & his fiancé Courtney. The live in Fargo North Dakota where there is only one tree but where the sky kisses the ground & there is always a breeze. They are in their third years at NDSU & Moorhead respectively & are pursuing degrees in construction management & elementary education. They recently adopted a kitten who currently resides with Courtney & will officially become a Pelkey on June 13^th of 2015. I also have pictures of that guy. Just sayin’.

& this is our super spicy daughter Hani who is the only one brave enough to still live with me. She dances & sings & runs like the wind & continues to remind me of who I am & what is important every day of life.  

I know some people look at me from the outside & think because of who I am or maybe even who I’m married to, that my life would be easy or perfect but it’s not.

Sometimes life just happens… & sometimes I bring it upon myself.

Today I want to share with you part of my story. The part where God is still working & moving & growing me.

In early 2014, a precious friend of mine challenged me, instead of making a New Year’s resolution, to choose one word on which to focus for the year. Because of where I was in my life at the time—I’ll unpack a little more of this later—I chose the word Abide.

It is from this place that am feeling God asking me to share John 15:4 with you… “Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.”

Stuff:

A few years ago I found myself in the strangest place. We were living a comfortable life. An American life. A nice big house. Two kids in college. Four cars. A family vacation once a year.

But thru some circumstances & some things I had been reading, God began working on me & I became super uncomfortable. Never in my life had I been so convicted about my Christian walk. Not just in the way I study the Bible, share my faith with others or even my commitments to our church family, but rather in the way I live my every-day life, how I spent my time, my money, my energy. 

In the end I felt duped… & a little bit angry. There was no doubt that I had bought many of the lies that my American culture, as well as my Christian culture had told me. I had become so engaged in the quest for the house, the job, the church & the relationships that I thought I had to have; that I found that I'd spent much of my life’s energy  focusing on a lot of things that just don’t matter. At least not in the spiritual sense. I had forgotten that people are the only thing I can take with me.

When I realized that I had it all wrong, I was devastated… I was humbled... I was moved to do… something.

But to be quite honest, the idea of starting my whole life over, to retrain my brain to accept everything that God was teaching me & then to actually do something about it, was so overwhelming that I didn’t know where to begin. I mean, what if Jesus really meant it when He said, “If you want to give it all you've got, go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me.” –Matthew 19:21 

As Hubs & began to really talk & pray about what God wanted us to do with our lives & ministry, we began to feel very strongly that we needed to decrease our lifestyle so we could increase giving to those in need around us. The first part of following in this conviction is that we decided to sell our house; to downsize from our four bed, three bath home & move into a much smaller rental. I want to make clear that this is NOT something God calls everyone to do & it wasn’t a decision we took lightly. It was a decision we made out of obedience to God & the realization that obedience isn’t a lack of fear. It’s just doing it scared.

I’d love to tell you that we had some time to get our heads around this idea of downsizing our stuff but in real life, we had about three weeks. Cause that’s exactly how long it took to sell our house. When our real estate agent called to tell us, Hubs & I looked at each other & began to laugh.  For the first time in 23 years of marriage we had absolutely no idea what we were doing or where we were going next. It seemed completely crazy & yet… we had an amazing sense of peace about it.

During this time I remember one of our elders asking me what would be the worst case scenario for me… I quickly replied, “To be in an apartment that wouldn’t allow us to keep our dogs & that wouldn’t have laundry in our unit.” Of course you know… we wound up in an apartment. No dogs. No laundry.

I want to tell you that I handled everything perfectly, but I didn’t. In fact the first week we were in the apartment I was so heartbroken over all we had given up & was missing my dogs so much I found myself buying three bottles of cheap wine at the liquor store in my snowflake pajamas. I’m not proud of it. I just want you to know when it comes to ‘obedience’, I am so far from perfect.

But God kept moving in my soul & kept bringing me back to Romans 12:1-2

‘So here's what I want you to do, God helping you:
Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.’

This life change became something much bigger than a change of living space. It began a journey into the world of the divine.

Cause here’s the deal ladies, as the ‘stuff’ began to take up less & less space in our lives, other more important things pushed their way to the front.

The first thing was a conviction of the way we chose to spend our time… our seeming glorification of busy.

Did you know?

That one study found that eighty percent of Americans work the equivalent of a second workday after leaving the office?

We’re doing plenty of work inside our office walls too. Nearly ten million Americans worked more than sixty hours per week last year. We work longer hours than almost every other advanced country.

Fifty-seven percent of Americans have up to two weeks of unused vacation at the end of the each year.

We’re too busy to sleep. More than one-third of working Americans sleep less than six hours per night. That means there are forty-million of us suffering from chronic sleep deprivation.

One-third of us are living with extreme stress daily & half of us are regularly lying awake at night because of our stress.

If I get right to it, what I am really saying is that we are so busy girls… we hurt.

A couple of years ago now, our son Joshua got married. Actually, he managed to do the following in about two weeks: He graduated from college. He packed up everything he owned in his little car & he & his bride-to-be, drove 1787.2 miles to Florida where they were to be married & begin their life together. The following week he applied for, interviewed & was hired for a youth pastor position at a church near their home, married the love of his life, headed out on a two week honeymoon & came home to a new apartment, a new job (praise God), a beautiful wife & a whole new life.

As I watched this all play out in front of my eyes, I found myself strangely grieving... not grieving because my son had gotten married. I love love love my daughter-in-law. She's by far, the best thing that has ever happened to my son... but I was stuck. So stuck that I found myself on the verge of an all-out meltdown. In the wake of this change in our family, I just couldn’t shake the overwhelming weariness of my day to day life.

To be honest, I was so busy that I just didn’t have the time to stop & process it.

Let’s stop a minute here & unpack this a little bit… let’s take a look at what busyness isn’t.

Busyness is not productivity. Study after study have shown that all the working we are doing just puts us on a hamster wheel. Just because you are working more does not actually mean that you are doing more.

Too many of us work for show. We say things like, “Look how productive I am! Look how hard I work! Look how full my calendar is!” But we are just building an illusion. We’re not really getting much done.

Work is good. The Bible esteems hard work. In fact the Bible mentions the value of hard work somewhere in the neighborhood of thirty times. Sabbath rest however, is mentioned closer to a hundred & fifty times. Doesn’t it seem like we have our wires crossed?

Busyness is not indicative of your value. We all seem to have swallowed the Kool-Aid that we are busy because we are important & we are important because we are busy. A nasty side effect is that we are embarrassed if we read a book cover to cover, spend the afternoon watching old movies, take a nap or in my case, stop a moment to process that my oldest child, had just moved 1787.2 miles away to begin his adult life. Yes I know, I’m still little stuck on that one.

Anyhoo… because I was so caught up in the busyness of life, the weariness I felt was really beginning to take a toll on me. Worst yet, other people were beginning to notice. Least of all my family, who was kinda at a loss of what to actually do with me. So, at my husband's gentle prompting, I went away on a silent retreat. Actually, I came here & stayed just up there in the guest house.

Just me.
My Bible.
My camera.
My journal.
& a whole mess of pencils.
It was truly the best thing I've ever done for myself.
I took long walks.
I prayed.
I spent the afternoon in a kayak.
I mulled over the scriptures.
I took lots of pictures of simple things.
I ate popcorn for dinner.
I cried.
I laughed.
I poured out my heart to the One who knows me best.

When I finally wandered home on Sunday night my heart was full of renewed hope & a sense of purpose.
As I look back on that time I realize that I had become worn out from a lack of the sacred. A synonym for sacred is untouchable. There was no part of my day untouchable to the demands of everyday life. Without regular moments of sacred, life had started to fly by at an unbearable place. I had to stop this thing. I needed to make time for God to come & fill my soul.

I cannot express enough how important it is for us to make time to be alone with God. We’ve got to find a way to take a step away from all that’s on our plates & walk toward peace. Psalm 46:10 is a verse many of us know well, but perhaps it’s become so familiar we’ve started to ignore it. “Be still & know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will exalted in the earth!”

Be. Still.

Slow down.

Tell the “to-do’s” to take a chill pill. Because God is God & you are not.

If you don’t get it all done, or make it to every church function, or have the planet’s most well-rounded children, the world will keep spinning. Making it a priority to spend time alone with the Father will fill you up. When you are full you are able to pour out.

Since we are sitting here in a blanket fort & I’m feeling super comfortable, I’d like to suggest that for the sake of ourselves & our families that we put ourselves in a great BIG time out:

I’m going to give it to you strait—when it comes to scheduling our families, we’ve all gone crazy. I could go on & on & on about this but because I have to start somewhere & this is something Hubs & I have long struggled with in our own home, let’s just use sports as an obvious example.

Did you know:

In a study of sixteen declining congregations in the U.S. & Canada, the number one reason cited by clergy & church members for failing attendance was the “secularization of Sunday.” Many church members cited their kids’ sports as being the most critical factor.

More than one-third of congregants in a separate study said school & sports-related activities were “quite a bit of an issue” when considering church attendance.

About two-third of “Christmas-Easter Christians” polled said they attend church only twice a year because they are too busy with other commitments including kids sports programs.

Shouldn’t someone throw a red flag here? Isn’t it time we noticed that sports are pulling Christians out of the pews? There is bound to be a ripple effect. Church isn’t just something we do. Church is the artery that pumps the necessary blood through our bodies to run the race of faith well. It can also be the birthplace for some of our deepest, most meaningful relationships.

Listen it’s not my intention to pack your bags for a guilt trip. I’m just suggesting that instead of cramming more into our schedules or into our children’s schedules that we take our lives back.

This past spring, this was weighing heavy on my heart. Especially with our daughter Hannah who was just entering the awkward & precarious tween years.

We were fortunate to be able to take a family vacation to Florida where I made the conscious choice to come apart & rest awhile. What happened that week changed how I view my relationships with my family… particularly when it comes to Han.  

Here’s what happened:

I pretty much lived in my swimsuit & flip flops for a week.  Make up didn’t matter... messy hair didn’t matter... the fact that my nose was covered with freckles & my front two teeth are crooked didn’t matter.

The cruel inner voice I sometimes battle was silent & the poor self-image that sometimes rears its ugly head was quiet...

Because what DID matter was happening right then. In that moment.

It happened while I had coffee with Hubs in my sweatpants on our cottage porch. In holding his hand as we walked down the beach at sunrise. In sharing our deepest thoughts & dreams as we listened to the ocean breeze in bed at night. 

It happened while swimming in the pool with my daughter & not caring what I look liked in a swimsuit. In picking up seashells with her on the beach & shopping for souvenirs for her girlfriends in the little shops downtown. In having ice cream & laughing when we lost half of it on the sidewalk. In the way she pressed into me for a hug or grabbed my hand as we walked.

It happened while I watched our boys play together & laugh together even though they are mostly grown... Ok... So they are grown... I may be a little bit in denial.

It was having precious time with my parents, being able to really talk with them in person. It happened while I listened to my daughter-in-law as she shared her faith story with my mom & seeing them both talk & laugh with their grandchildren.

It was watching our son read scripture in the church where he & our daughter-in-law minister. In seeing their new apartment & playing with their dogs. It was seeing the way my daughter-in-law looks at my son & the way he loves her.

It was witnessing our younger son's engagement & celebrating this new relationship with him & his fiancé. It was knowing that he is at peace with his life & his path.

It happened in many precious little moments I might have missed had I not truly left the cares of my real life behind.

As our vacation came to a close, I felt real sadness come over me. While I knew that vacation can’t last forever, I found myself asking myself… why can’t this sense of intentional living carry over into my for real life?

In those final moments, I committed to be more intentional with our daughter. As our family dynamics have drastically changed over the last couple of years, parenting her has become a new kind of challenge. When her brothers were at home we were very intentional about our family time. It was important to us to have deep relationships with them that would grow & change as they did… There were never TVs or computers in their bedrooms & we set time limits on both.  & while they both played football & were active at school & church, we were very careful to have dinner at the table together every night. We were deliberate about our evening times together as well. We’d gather after supper in the living room where we would talk, play games, watch movies & spend time just being a family. Our home was filled with their friends & their noise & their laughter. 

With Hannah it’s different. She’s become an only child. While I find that her social & extracurricular schedule is a little busier than that of her brothers, with dance & guitar & her small group, I have also found that when we are home, she is happy to pull out the iPad to play a game or watch a movie or curl up with in her bed with a book. With her ‘occupied’, I’ve had more time to myself to read, blog & fill up the white space of my calendar with church lady stuff. While these things aren’t bad in & of themselves, over time, they have developed into distractions that keep me away from my child & that is not what I want. 

You see, being on vacation with our whole family made me realize something. Our intentionality while our boys were at home, has not only strengthened the bond we have with them as they have become adults but it readied the ground on which more mature friendships with them have grown. I know our boys. I really KNOW them. 

I want this with my daughter. She deserves to have a present, engaging & hands on mama. So I made some commitments to God & to her in my heart while we were away. 

I should have known that making this kind of decision would open me up to the enemy. Satan would rather our family be fragmented… have us continue to each do our own thing & ultimately have us feel alone, unsupported & disconnected. 

The night before we were to fly home, Hannah developed some kind of tummy thing that had she & I up most of the night in the bathroom. Normally, any kind of sickness (day or night) falls on my husband. He’s so much better with that kind of stuff than I am but because I am working on turning over a new leaf & be engaging even if it’s WAAY out of my comfort zone, I found myself kneeling beside her on the cold tile in the middle of the night, holding her hair & rubbing her back. At one point, she thanked me for being there& apologized for keeping me awake. It pierced my heart. Of course I should be there. I want to be there. I’m her mumma after all. 

I’d love to say that she was fully recovered by the time we got on the plane in the morning but she wasn’t. It made for a long traveling day for everyone. When we finally arrived home, I prescribed a quiet pajama movie night for all & curled up with her on the couch. We could unpack& grocery shop tomorrow.  

But, just when it seemed as if all was well. It wasn’t. Between the fever & the crazy dreams, Hannah popped up by the side of my bed several times after I lay down, begging for one thing or another. Finally, around 3am, I gave up, grabbed my pillow & went & crawled into bed with her. At least there all she’d have to do was touch my shoulder & ask me for something.

As I lay there staring at the ceiling & listening to her breathing, I began to wonder if all of this was a test of my will. To see if I would stick with my commitment to live in the present & not worry about everything I have to do when I’m not on vacation.

I’m sharing this piece with you because intentionality is not the easy way… but I know that if I choose to be intentional with my children & with others God has put in my life, they will see through me the heart of Christ.  

You know, valuing people means adopting an overt willingness to be inconvenienced. It means doing things that cannot be measured. It means developing relationships based on who people really are & not who we want them to be.

In our former church, Hubs & I started a small group with two other couples in our home. Every Friday night our families got together to make pizza& talk about the Bible. As time went on we got together more frequently. Always for a meal. Sometimes we studied a passage in the Bible… sometimes we just played cards & talked about how God was working in our lives. As our kids played night games & built blanket forts & watched movies & played video games, we shared what we were reading, what God was teaching us, we laughed together & cried together. Those the eight years we had living in community with them changed how we view 'church' for the good. Church is not a building. It's not programming or the worship band or the pastors. It is the people... living in true community together.

Let me be clear, it is not convenient.

Meeting together regularly interrupts our schedules. It interferers with extracurricular activities & bed times. It takes effort to care for each other. Needs rarely pop up on weekends & evenings. But that’s what valuing people looks like. It means accepting a dirty house because people have been loved, cared for, & entertained within the walls of your home. It means accepting a schedule in flux because you are determined to make time for others whenever necessary. It means considering the tasks of your to-do list as less important than the people you’re doing them for. It means measuring success through relationships—not how neat & tidy your life looks.

Being known won’t fit onto a checklist. Christian community has become a buzzword for something we do, something we can put into our day planner, but that’s not true community.

Jesus knew all about this. His community was no cakewalk. Judas betrayed Him. Peter denied Him. Paul persecuted His flock & yet… Jesus pursued a relationship with them.

If you want to be known you must be willing to get messy & you’ve got to the ditch the idol of convenience our culture worships so freely. I’m being super blunt right now because I want you to know it’s not an easy an easy road. But it is on that God has always walked, & it leads to a life more meaningful & connected than you could ever dream up yourself.

Unplugging:

Since I have your attention for just a little bit longer, I want to share with you one last thing about intentionality. It’s a super touchy subject… like how much your Hubs spent on your engagement ring or who you voted for in the last election or how much you put in the offering plate at church or whatever.

It’s not easy to come clean about it so I’ll go first. Truth is I’m addicted to my iPhone. Yeah I said it. I love that little thing. I love the texting. I love the Instagramming. I love the Facebooking. I love the blogging. I love all the things.

Did you know?

That seventy percent of Americans sleep with their cell phones within arm’s length. One-third of us get online before getting out of bed.

Sixty-one percent of us check our phones every hour.

Adults spend at least eight to twelve hours per day staring at screens. That’s more time than we spend on any other activity, including sleeping.

Despite the fact that most young people have an average of 243 Facebook friends, it’s not translating into real-life friendships. Researchers theorize that we are spending so much time online, that we no longer have time to go out with our non-Facebook friends.

I’m embarrassed to say that I can relate to three out of those four things.

So in preparation for this talk. I decided to unplug from all social media on my iPhone for a week. It lasted all of one day before I took a less aggressive approach & designated just one day a week to unplug. Yes I know this isn’t the best case scenario but remember… I’m addicted.

The first day, I found myself reaching for my phone every twenty minutes. It was a reminder that I am spending far too much time on that thing. & because I was feeling guilt & shame over my iPhone use, I chose to take the experiment one step further & take a little break from social media on my computer as well. That evens out my lack of commitment right?

Anyhoo… I can’t begin to tell you how hard it is to be typing away on my computer & not be checking all the updates. I know that my addiction to all this stuff stems partly from my kids being so far away (or at least this is my most used excuse-but it’s a bad one since my gone kids don’t really even go on there much anymore). Mostly I think I check my updates because of two things:

The first is my insatiable desire to know all the things. I really should have been a private investigator. I can’t stand not knowing everything that is going on everywhere.

The second is the science of my brain. Scientists have discovered that every time we get a technological ‘ping’ such as a text or email alert, our brain gets a hit of dopamine.

Here’s a crash course in that science. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that runs the brain’s reward & pleasure centers—BTW this is not something I made up on my own to excuse my ridiculous behavior. This is for real science.—So… dopamine also regulates our emotional responses & helps us take action toward rewards. When someone shoots us an email, or sends us a friend request, or makes something we did or wrote go viral, our brains get all tingly. That feels like a reward & our brains want more of it.

Brain researchers say that when we get low levels of dopamine, we are prone to addiction. Yes our technology makes us feel good, but chemically speaking warm fuzzies are seeping in at such a low level that we’re all left wanting more.

& there are other things happening in our brains as we click away. When we stare at a screen our heart rate slows. Our brain vessels dilate. Blood flows away from our major muscles. In other words, our body starts to relax. But the constant flow of visual stimuli can shift our orienting responses into overdrive, eventually leading to fatigue & a sense of depletion.

What’s more, we are feeling more & more insecure. One Today Show survey revealed that seven thousand mothers worry that they are not crafty or creative enough. Some admitted that they stay up all night looking at Pinterst because they’re unable to stop the negative comparison. Some women admitted to developing body image issues after comparing themselves to others online. Never mind that we all know that no one really looks like their profile pic. Somehow, the constant parade of other’s achievements & happy moments is messing us up.

Listen, again it is not my intention to pack your bags for a guilt trip. It is possible to use technology as a means to enhance our best relationships. We don’t have to be addicted. We can live modern lives with real relationships. But it requires us to put down the iPhone or whatever else ensnares you & to enter the restaurant, or church, or coffee shop or blanket fort or family, where real people live & real life is happening.

So remember my verse at the beginning of this twisty turny talk? That’s OK. I’ll be bringing it back around now:

John 15:4 says, “Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.”

Do you see that this is really the key to living life on purpose? If we choose to live in Christ, make our homes in Him.  If we submit our time, talent & treasure to His leading. If we lay our day to day schedules, our relationships & yes even our technology at His feet there will be no doubt of who we are & whose we are. 

& that is what God desires most.

Let’s pray. 

Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan

Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream by David Platt

Not a Fan: Becoming a Completely Committed Follower of Jesus by Kyle Idleman

Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan 

Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker

Barefoot Church: Serving the Least in a Consumer Culture by Brandon Hatmaker

Everything: What You Give and What You Gain to Become Like Jesus by Mary DeMuth 

Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters by Rachel Macy Stafford

Connected: Curing the Pandemic of Everyone Feeling Alone Together by Erin Davis

 

*NOT Pictured because they are currently being lent out: 

Your Beautiful Purpose: Discovering and Enjoying What God Can Do Through You by Susie Larson 

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

**NOT Pictured because it's in my purse (I don't go anywhere without it) 

The Message Bible  

***A special thanks to my dad for passing me '7'... to my friend Greta Jarrett for passing me 'Hands Free Mama'... & to Erin Davis for writing 'Connected' & putting words to everything that I couldn't.