I hear that ugly voice too...

"Keep a cool head. Stay alert.

The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping.

Keep your guard up.

You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times.

It’s the same with Christians all over the world.

So keep a firm grip on the faith.

The suffering won’t last forever.

It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good.

He gets the last word; yes, He does."

-1 Peter 5:8 (the Message)

This week I shared this picture on Facebook. It's me. Picking out a pumpkin. I'm not gonna lie. I played with it a bit before I posted it. I removed the dark circles from under my eyes by changing the lighting. I added a filter to make it look aged. I like the tweaked version. It's the version I want people to see.

I'm not alone in this I'm sure. It’s easy to talk about our successes. To present ourselves in an appealing light. As a society we love to share the best parts of us. Our romantic relationships. Kiss kiss kiss. Our kids academic, sports & personal accomplishments. Our college degrees, work promotions & awards. Our weight loss & physical goals being met. Oh & don’t get me started on the pics of us & our BFF’s & our happy smiling family pictures. While these things are good; they can give the perception to others that our lives are perfect. That we don’t struggle. That we don’t hurt. That we aren’t insecure. That we aren’t ever discouraged.

Truth is, life is hard & we often struggle to be honest about ourselves. It’s much easier to put on a mask & pretend to be something we are not. Truth is, we do not want to admit that we are broken. 

Two weekends ago now, I had the privilege to lead a break out session at our church’s women’s retreat. While speaking is not anywhere near my comfort zone, I was feeling God push me to share what He has been doing in my life. After I spoke, I ran back up to the barn where we would continue to worship as a big group & to listen to our main speaker wrap up for us. As I plopped down into my chair in front of the computer to do power point for worship, a familiar voice whispered in my ear, "That sucked." "You sucked."

I've heard this voice before many times. It is the same voice that has plagued me over the years with things like, "You are fat." "You are ugly." "You are stupid." "You are worthless." "You serve no purpose." "God can't use you."

For many years, that tricky voice spoke death into me... it soft words stoked the fires of a raging eating disorder, led me into the depths of a clinical depression & rendered me helpless to make an impact. Even in my own home.

I know that voice.  I know that it lies. I know that it hates me.

Fortunately, Jesus has empowered me thru His Holy Spirit to keep that ugly voice mostly at bay, so when I heard it again I knew I had to eradicate it before it could take hold of me again. With tears welling up in my eyes, I glanced around for Hubs. He had been shuttling women in golf carts around the property & I knew if I could find him, we could kick the ugly together. As I scanned the room, I saw him chatting away obliviously to someone near the door. I almost ran to him.

"I need you!" I blurted out.

"Ok." he whispered gently, excused himself from his conversation & put his arm around me as he led me away from the crowd to the tackle room & shut the door.

As I poured out all the ugly stuff, he held me & let me cry. "This is the enemy," he said. "You should be mad about this," he said. Just then, a dear sweet friend happened upon us & without explanation they began to pray over me. They thanked God for me & praised Him for all the wonderful things that were happening around us. They prayed protection & comfort. When they finished, I wiped my face on my Hubs sleeve, pulled myself up & left that little room with a a deeper sense of peace in my soul & a whole lot less makeup.

Peter reminds us in Hebrews that our enemy is like 'a roaring lion seeking for those he can devour'. Sometimes I forget that I need to be vigilant. I don't want to over-spiritualize stuff & yet... the apostle Paul cautioned that 'our struggle is not against flesh & blood but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places'. The truth is, the enemy wants to render me completely ineffective & he will use every thing he thinks might work to trip me up to fall flat on my face. He wants me to choose the voice of death over the life breathing words of my Savior.

1 John 4:4 reminds us: "My dear children, you come from God and belong to God. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world."

This week as I shared this story with the retreat team, I watched one of my dearest friends face cloud over with concern... "I hate that you listen to that voice." I looked her deep into her eyes & I said, "I do too."

Why? I know that listening & believing limits what God can do with me.

The very next morning, that same sweet friend, called to affirm me. She left most precious message telling me all about where she saw God working in my life. Her words spoke Truth deep into my soul. I saved it. For the next time I hear the ugly voice.

Here's something I'm learning. While being vigilant will definitely help me identify the devil's schemes, I cannot fight Him off alone. I need the Holy Spirit to empower me. He & I can do it together. 

I'm also learning that I need to be open to asking God's people for help. Prayer with a friend is a powerful thing indeed.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that we all need each other to defeat the enemy. We need to exhort each other in love. We need to be brave enough to point out sin. We need to encourage the growth we see in each other's lives. We need to be honest about what we see God doing & where we see Him working.

We cannot fail if we choose to believe the words of the One who loves us... the One who, despite where we are gifted or not gifted, chooses to use us for His Glory.

Amen.
 

“...I don't have to worry about not meeting His expectations. God will ensure my success in accordance with His plan, not mine.”

― Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God