A cup of uncommon friendship

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, 

always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you. 

Philippians 1:3-4

I pray over the cups in my cupboard.  I know it might sound strange but they remind me of people.   I have a big white mug purchased while on vacation with my friend Dawn in North Carolina & a round latte cup I bought with my girlfriend Ellen at our favorite coffee shop on Camp Lejeune.  There is a delicate china teacup I picked up in an antique store with my friend Heather just before I moved north & the little chipped mug tucked way in the back that my friend April picks every time she is at my house & I just don’t have the heart to throw away. 
 

Relationships are very important to me. Those that know me best know that I have fiercely devoted most of my life, time, energy & effort into my relationships with my husband & my children. & while I would probably look at relationship building as strength for me, I have to admit, light, easy, surface friendships are really difficult for me.  I’ve never been “good” at them. Small talk drives me crazy… I always find myself wanting to go deeper…

I’ve had all kinds of friendships. Some have been part of my life for a sweet season & others for the long haul. I have friends that I socialize with on a professional level, serve on committees, share car pool or work closely with at the office.  I have friends that I enjoy socially, have dinner with, take in a movie or concert together or hang out with on Super Bowl Sunday. I have intellectual friends that I meet with over coffee to talk about theology & books & girlfriends from high school who I reminisce with about the good ol’ days.& then there are my deep emotional friends.    

This is the type of friendship I want to talk about today.  

As I prepared for this message I realized two things… my husband is a genius, rock star. He writes & delivers a sermon every week & just putting down my thoughts on friendship in an orderly fashion has taken me six weeks &…. deep, authentic friendship is very rare.  

It’s scary to trust another person with your heart. 

CS Lewis in his book The Four Loves talks about this level of trust: 

‘To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything & your heart will be wrung & possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies & little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.’
 

I know that many of you have been beat up, burned out & betrayed by your relationships.  I have too.  But I want to encourage you today to be brave…  

Because when the chips are down, there’s just nothing like a good girlfriend... & deep, constant, godly friendships don’t just “happen.” They are built. 

... today I’d like to share with you from my heart, some things I have learned on my own friendship journey...

Spend time together...

You have to be willing to spend time with your friends. I must admit, I probably have lost some friends through the years because I didn’t have the time when they invited me to go places or share experiences with them. The more honest truth is I didn’t choose to make the time. We all tend to make time for the things we want to do. We must also make time for the relationships we desire to have.

When we don’t have time for our friends, we aren’t valuing our friends as we should. We also must be aware that we have only so much time in life, & we likely have only the necessary time for a handful of genuine deep friendships. That does not mean we can’t have more casual friendships---but for a truly deep friendship to develop, time together is vital.

Talk together...

Good conversation is the best way to discover who someone really is—-it is a window through which to peer into another person’s heart, mind, soul, and spirit. When you are with a friend, the topic of your conversation doesn’t really matter. 

I used to go riding with my friend Denise once a week.  We would saddle up our horses & head out on the trail, winding through the rocks & trees until we reached Lake Huron. What did we talk about? Anything and everything. We talked about whatever popped into our minds. Our conversation was free-flowing, easy, & natural—no subject was off-limits, no topic was too trivial or too big. 

Be a good listener…

I once called a friend to share some things that were really weighing on me. As I poured out my heart to her she cut me off short & said, “Whatever. That’s nothing….” & she proceeded into a long tirade about something that had happened that day at the grocery store.  I never opened myself up to her again. 

On the other hand…I had had a particularly awful day.  It was at the height of my eating disorder & Chuck had been in the field for several days for military training. I had been at home with my boys (then 1 & 4) without a car.  I called my friend Ellen crying. She listened quietly as I rambled on & on about how terrible my day had been & how I was pretty sure I had given birth to monsters who couldn’t possibly grow up into contributing members of society.  Blah, blah, blah, whah, whah, whah… in the process, I confessed that I had eaten an entire box of Captain Crunch cereal in one sitting.  She said, “Ouch! The roof of your mouth must be all torn up.”  I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. She went on then to speak truth & grace into my life.

When I think back on that moment I am reminded of  Proverbs 27:9 --The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. 

 Share tears & laughter...

True friends cry together & laugh together. When you have a genuine friend, there isn’t any hesitation whatsoever in going to them when you are hurt, rejected, or disappointed . . . or when you have a triumphant moment!

I have to say ladies, that those who stuff all of their emotions—--both sorrow and joy—--do damage to their own physical health. We need the “release” of tears and laughter in order to vent our emotions. Let it bubble out girls!

Touching...  

There’s power in human touch.

I am not a touchy person by nature. The joke at my house is that I have a giant bubble & my kids are always popping it. Even at their ages, Josh & Caleb insist on flopping on me & making me rub their backs.  Ridiculous.  It’s not that I’m adverse to touching, it’s just not part of my nature so I have to work at it.  When I first met Chuck, he freaked me out.  He did NOT have a bubble & he was constantly touching me.  I know what you are thinking but it wasn’t in a sexual way.  He’d just reach out & squeeze my hand or touch my shoulder.  It was soothing.  Comforting.

Most people are hungry to be touched—--it’s a sign of care, empathy, concern, appreciation, and value. I am certainly not advocating that you hug every person in sight, or that you be overly affectionate with casual acquaintances. You must be sensitive to what another person needs & desires.  But I am encouraging that you reach out & touch your friends.  A hug can be just the healing balm they need.  

Be authentic... 

When Chuck first entered the ministry my mom, the pastor’s wife extraordinaire, gave me some tips about being a pastor’s wife.  She encouraged me to hone my hospitality skills, do my best to keep a clean house in case people dropped by & keep a little stash of decaf coffee & homemade cookies on hand to make the drop-ins feel welcome. I’ve never been real good at all that traditional pastor’s wife stuff so it pretty much went out the window right away. Soon after Chuck began his ministry, I began teaching a ladies group in my home once a week.  Several weeks into the study we had had had a pretty busy day & so when the girls began to arrive my dirty supper dishes were still stacked up in the sink (HORROR).  As they trooped through the kitchen to get to the decaf coffee one gal stopped at the sink… she looked at the dishes & burst into tears.  I have to admit I was a little taken aback by that reaction but I put my arms around her & through her tears she told me that seeing those dishes showed her that I was a real person & she was able to open up about some much deeper issues that were troubling her heart.

Now I’m not encouraging that don’t do your dishes.  I’m just saying… don’t hide the HORROR… be yourself.  Don’t try to be perfect all the time… it’s exhausting & nobody believes you anyway. 

Being authentic also means not holding deceitful motives, hiding your feelings, or harboring a secret agenda. If you are going to develop a genuine friendship, you are going to have to let that person see the real you.

 Tolerance...

Friends tolerate the occasional bad mood, the hurtful comment said in haste, or the bad attitude that’s the result of being too tired or too stressed out.

Sometimes tolerance means putting up with an annoying habit. Sometimes it means cutting that person some slack when she’s fifteen minutes late . . . again. Not long ago, I told my high school girlfriend Mindi a story she’d heard so many times she could tell it in detail herself. Backwards & forwards. I knew it & she knew it. But she listened to me as if she were listening to if for the first time. She even laughed at the right parts. I love her for that.

Thankfulness...

A true friend voices thanksgiving for his or her friends. When my dear friend Dawn calls me from North Carolina I can always count on her saying two things to me at some point in the call: “I’m grateful to God for our friendship” and “I love you.” To have a friend who will openly & frequently make those two statements is a wonderful thing! If you haven’t told a friend lately that you are grateful to God for her presence in your life . . . or if you haven’t said, “I love you,” to a friend. . . I encourage you to do so.

 & finally... back to the cups in my cupboard... 

Each time I take one down, I pray for my friends.  I pray that they will have loving, committed marriage relationships & that they will be patient & tender with their children.   I pray that they will find purpose in their day to day tasks & meaning in their ministries.  Most of all, I pray that they will have passionate relationships with Jesus.

My friends are precious to me.  Like the cups in my cupboard they each posses unique qualities that set them apart from other people in the world.  And yet… they share in common the qualities of being an uncommon friend.  They accept me—warts, wrinkles, weight & all—unconditionally. They will listen to me cry or complain and do their best to look out for my best interest…  They have supported me through thick and thin, but because there is mutual respect, they won’t allow me to wallow in self-pity or manipulate them.  They encourage me to be my best self & allow me the freedom to make my own choices.   

I too desire to be that kind of uncommon friend.  & I want to be deliberate about it.  I look at my time spent in prayer over morning coffee as part of my love & commitment to these special relationships.

The Elders' Wives of ACC

Life is an adventure...

 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 

-3 John 1:4 (NIV)

I know my blog has been quiet lately.  I’ve had a lot on my mind & no words to explain what is happening inside me. 

Our son Joshua is leaving on a six month youth ministry internship to Florida. He has been studying to be a youth pastor & now it is time for him to put his studies into practice…

I can hardly believe it.

It seems like it was just yesterday that he was just a “little” boy.  That amazing little guy with the bright eyes & charming smile who smelt of dirt & fresh air, climbed trees, played hockey in the driveway & wore his roller blades in the house.  

Not much has changed about his personality. He is still curious & precocious, full of joy & laughter, tender & encouraging.

I wonder if he knows how much we will miss him while he is gone… what an amazing big brother he is to Caleb & Hannah, what joy & laughter he brings to his Dad & me. 

I wish I could prepare him for what he will face in ministry. The pain of pouring his life into people who may never “get it” or worse, may choose to betray him; experiencing the harsh criticism of those that may not understand God’s vision for his ministry, the loneliness of his position & yet… to be able to experience the joy of watching someone choose to follow Jesus, the excitement of seeing lives changed by the power of the Holy Spirit, the incredible peace that comes with knowing God is working & the honor it is to be a part of it.  

I pray that as he embarks on this new chapter of his life, that God would bring pastors around him to mentor, love & encourage him & his giftedness. That he would be intentional & committed to his work, find wisdom & discernment in his relationships & experience joy & peace in his choice to follow Jesus plan for his life.

As his mom, I’m finding that being strong sometimes means being able to let go.... being able to allow my child the space he needs to grow & experience life, to have the strength to say that I cannot change the inevitable, & that the only way forward is a road best traveled on his own. 

The time has come for him to follow the path God has set before him, for him to find the strength to live his life with passion & purpose & begin to leave his own legacy. 

So today... I close my eyes... hold my breath… & say goodbye to my son...

Get ready world! You're bout to get ROCKED!

Leaving a family legacy...

When Chuck & I were young parents we attended a wonderful Bible study that encouraged us to set a focus & purpose for our marriage & our family. As “homework” it suggested we to choose a Bible verse or motto that encompassed the legacy we hoped to pass down to our children. 

We approached the task with an excited fervor… & like everything we do as a couple, we came at it from opposite ends of the spectrum. It was Chuck’s desire to impart truth, critical thinking skills & a solid spiritual foundation. I on the other hand, longed to instill the importance of meaningful relationships with Jesus & with each other & a deep sense of compassion for people. After much spirited discussion we chose a verse that conveyed both of those hopes perfectly: 

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 
-1 John 3:18

If you were to visit our home today, you would find this verse in a myriad of places… scrawled in the front of our kids’ photo albums, typed out on a slip of paper & tacked to our bulletin board, downloaded onto our computer screen saver & sewn into a cross-stitch that hangs on our bedroom wall. As I reflect on these words nearly twenty years later, I’m amazed how much of an impact this verse has had on our day to day family life. 

We don’t always get it right… but our children are learning to be genuine & compassionate. They work very hard to listen to one another, to respect each other’s feelings, honor each other with their words & speak truth to each other even when things are tough. 

As I look to the future, I am encouraged by the people they are becoming & will continue to pray that they will choose God’s purpose & plan for their lives & that they will find the passion & courage to carry this legacy of faith on into their own families.  

“I think the most significant work we'll do in our whole life, in our whole world is done within the four walls of our home.”

-Steven Covey

Bucking broncos, kiddy pools, Goolie stories & how my Dad managed to lose his marbles…

"Hear O Israel: The Lord our God is one! 

You should love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul & with all your strength. & these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, shall talk of them when you walk by the way, when you lie down, & when you rise up."

~Deuteronomy 6:4-7

     Last week I received a surprise package in the mail. The treasure it contained brought back some of my dearest childhood memories of my Dad…

    When I was very little, my parents left their home & families in Ohio & moved to Chicago so my dad could begin studying to be a minister at the Moody Bible Institute. It was a big commitment both academically & financially & he found himself working several jobs to support our little family.

     Some of my very first memories of my Dad are of him sprawled out on the living room floor with several books flopped open in front of him as he studied…

     This begged for an interruption…

    One of my favorite ways to disrupt him was to climb onto his back & yell, “Yee Haw Horsey!” I would dig my heels into his ribs & proceed to pull on his ears to guide him around the “corral”. Eventually he would have had enough & would attempt to buck me off. At the first quick movement, I would throw my arms around his neck & struggle to hold on for dear life.  The wild ride would come to a close when I lost my grip, & tumbled off, only to be scooped up & tickled by the "horse."
     Another recollection I have, took place during one of the most sweltering Chicago summers ever. My dad was determined to keep himself & me cool & have some fun at the same time, so he put up a little plastic pool for me. He had to set it in the alley behind our apartment building because there was no yard, not to mention no grass whatsoever. I can still see my Dad, his legs pulled up to his chin, splashing and "swimming" in that kiddy wading pool. & so it was, amidst the skyscrapers & pollution, the concrete & graffiti, that I learned a valuable lesson--you can have loads of fun wherever you are!   

   The fondest memory I have, though, is of our bedtime rituals &, of course, his stories. Sometimes he would tell us about stories about when he was a little boy. He’d tell us about riding bikes & playing marbles with his friends, of summers full of baseball, of skinned knees & climbing trees. I'm not sure why; maybe he wasn't very creative, or maybe because my sisters & I liked it so much; when it came to making up a story, he always told the same one over & over.  We sat on the edge of our seats, our eyes shining with excitement, hanging on every last word. It was a tale about a little girl named Goolie.  She had gone exploring one day, had come upon a forest & had gotten lost. Just as you were really getting into the story, he would say, "Well, it was right about this time that Goolie came across a big hole in the ground.  She walked up to the edge & looked down into it. & Goolie said, "Hmmmph."  At this point, we would all be screaming, "Daddy, what was in the hole?" & "Finish the story, Daddy!", but he never would.  We could hardly wait to hear it again the next time in hopes that he would finish it.  To this day he never has, but you can be sure we all have our own "brilliant" ideas on how it ends. 

When we were small he would help my mom tuck us in to bed at night.  I can still smell the familiar scent of Old Spice & feel the rhythm of his breathing as I cuddled up to his chest to listen as my mom read us a Bible story & then he would pray.  When he had finished praying & after seven, made up verses of "Jesus Loves the Little Children"; they would tuck us in with hugs & kisses.  Although his ministry did not always allow him to do this every night, my mother did this every night until we were grown & has been known to attempt to do this when we have come back to visit, his being part of this family tradition has made a permanent mark on my life. 

As I write & look back on this, I realize how fortunate I was to have him spend that time with me.  He had an extremely active, somewhat stressful schedule.  Yet he, together with my mom, chose to make the time in the evening to create a secure, loving home for me & the stability that I needed in my little life.    

            So now, back to the package… as I tore back the brown paper & carefully unwrapped the tissue paper, I found a little white box & a note written by my mom.  It said, “Made for you… from your Dad”.  As I lifted the lid I found the most beautiful necklace & ear ring set fashioned from some of his childhood marbles.  It had been his idea to have them made for my sisters & I for Christmas.  

 My Dad is a one of a kind… & it’s really no wonder that he continues to show the love he has for us in unique ways.  He has done it through horsey rides & kiddy pools, through prayer & songs & silly stories, & choosing to lose his marbles to his three little dark-haired, dark-eyed “squirrels” by giving us the best parts of himself.

A different kind of resolution… from the mind of an introspective girl

Ah… the countdown to New Years Eve… a time for new beginnings & making resolutions.

Most people are pretty laid back about it… they vow to eat less, work out more, quit a bad habit, pick up a new hobby, become more organized or spend more time with family & friends.

I on the other hand, begin to reassess everything.  As the end of the year draws closer, I find myself pensively preoccupied, very often retreating within myself… mulling over my flaws, trying to pick just one thing to work on; gradually becoming overwhelmed & finally… exhausted. 

With the cheerful hubbub of Christmas now behind us, I once again found myself feeling contemplative.  At first, my thought patterns seemed harmless enough & to my credit, I did make a concerted effort to stay lighthearted & optimistic. I tried to distract myself by devoting my free time to my home & family, but by mid-week, I began to feel myself more & more reflective & by last night I was just plain crabby.

I woke again this morning in an irritable mood.  I wandered out to the couch, filled a mug with coffee & curled up with my Bible & prayer journal.  As I opened the cover of the journal the following quote hit me between the eyes: 

“It is a great grace of God to practice self-examination; but too much is as bad as too little.”  –Teresa of Avila

Aha…                                                        

In that moment, I made the decision to stop obsessing about this whole ‘New Year’s Resolution’ thing.  Instead, I’m going  to take a deep breath, let it go & leave it up to God.  I'm going to praise Him for the many ways He has grown me this past year & pray that I will approach 2012 with my arms open wide to receive whatever it is that He has to teach me.  After all, He knows me better than I know myself...

Know that the LORD is God,

It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               –Psalm 100:3

A Christmas Prayer

“For the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name.” 

-Mary the mother of Jesus, Luke 1:34

The one tradition our family has kept over the years is the way we celebrate Christmas Eve. We begin our evening by attending the Christmas Eve service at our church & finish back at home for our family Christmas time. We snuggle up in our P.J.’s, eat our favorite holiday food, open gifts & watch ‘The Nativity Story’ together. Each of us looks forward to this time for different reasons. For Chuck, it’s the Christmas cookies; for Josh, the shrimp ring; for Caleb, it’s the cheese ball & for Hannah, the gift giving.  

This year, for me, it was the prayer time...

As we went around the room, offering thanks for the blessings God has given us this past year, I was overcome by emotion. I was struck by how remarkable it was to have them each share their hearts with vulnerability, & how extraordinarily blessed I am to have my little family together for the holidays.

I pray the same Joy... Peace... & Love to you this day....

Keeping Christmas

Each year, I struggle more & more with whole holiday season. Not in the sense of; “Bah Humbug… I hate everything bright & fun & festive”… but by a question that continues to nibble away at me: “Is the way that I keep Christmas honoring Jesus?”

It’s easy to get caught up in the hubbub of the season. After all, there have been Christmas songs on the radio since November & we have traditions to uphold. We have cookies to bake, gifts to shop for, cards to address, meals to prepare, parties to go to, concerts to attend, decorating to do & the list goes on & on.

I often feel caught between celebrating the birth of the Messiah by doing all the customary things expected of me & longing to keep things as simple as possible. I question how I can, in good conscience, revel in excess while so many around me are struggling just to make ends meet. & I just can't help but wonder… if my circumstances were different… if I had less… if I were hungry or cold or sick or alone… would I be less grateful? Would I have less joy?

… & what of this joy?

 Is it exclusive to Christmas? Is it found in the twinkling lights, cheerful decorations & brightly wrapped packages? Or created by something much deeper.

This week, I came across a book written by a 19^th century clergyman, Henry Van Dyke, that spoke volumes to my conflicted soul. In it he raises the question:

“Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and desires of little children; to remember the weaknesses and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and to ask yourself if you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts; to trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open? Are you willing to do these things for a day? Then you are ready to keep Christmas…”

It reminded me instantly of the words of our precious Lord Jesus…

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart & with all your soul & with all your strength & with all your mind’ ; &, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

– Luke 10:27

Ah Lord God, it is my prayer this holiday season that I will nurture these truths in my heart & will “keep Christmas” each & every day.

I’m not too proud... I'm pooped out…

“I'll refresh tired bodies; I'll restore tired souls.” –Jeremiah 31:25 (The Message)

I’ve been fending off sickness for weeks… three doctors appointments… three antibiotics.

I have to admit, I fought valiantly.  I just couldn’t afford to slow down for just one minute. After all, I have a job to do, a husband to encourage, kids to love on, meals to cook, laundry to do, carpools to drive, programs to attend, friends to call, there are a million things to do at church & Christmas is just around the corner.  So I just pushed through… sniffling, coughing & grouching at everyone; popping cough drops like candy & carrying a tissue around in my shirt sleeve like my gramma used to do. It was a tragic sight.

Finally this week, my poor body just gave up on me.  I crashed.  I found myself dragging myself out of bed around 11am just to shower & crawl back in again.  As I lay exhausted, in the quiet, I wondered aloud, “How did this happen?”  

How did this happen? Seriously? How about the fact that lately, my life has been so busy, I haven’t had time to think, let alone be sick. I ignored all the symptoms. I just didn’t have time. & now here I was, flat on my back, drowning in a sea of tissue. Just lovely.

On my second day of recovery, I managed to wander out to the couch where my husband tucked me into the chaise lounge & made sure I had everything I need to get better. 

As I basked in the tranquility of my house, reading a book I hadn’t had time for, leisurely surfing the internet & watching a Law & Order marathon, I really started to rethink this whole “being sick” thing.  
Yeah, my nose was still stuffed & I was still coughing but I was resting in a way I hadn’t in a really long time. I felt relieved. I felt peaceful. & that left me confused. Why do I feel so guilty about talking time like this to rest? Why is it so hard to say NO to all the many things that grapple for my attention?

It reminded me of a quote I read recently by Mike Yaconelli:

“Rest is a decision we make. Rest is choosing to do nothing when we have too much to do, slowing down when we feel pressure to go faster, stopping instead of starting. Rest is listening to our weariness and responding to our tiredness, not to what is making us tired. Rest is what happens when we say one simple word: "No!" Rest is the ultimate humiliation because in order to rest, we must admit we are not necessary, that the world can get along without us, that God's work does not depend on us. Once we understand how unnecessary we are, only then might we find the right reasons to say yes. Only then might we find the right reasons to decide to be with Jesus instead of working for him. Only then might we have the courage to take a nap with Jesus.”

Oh my goodness!  Isn’t that an extraordinary thought?!  I can’t help but wonder if I made a deliberate choice to change my behavior… maybe just maybe, I would have the time, the energy & the passion to accomplish all that God has called me to do each day.   

So… excuse me. I think I’m done writing now.  I’m gonna go take a little nap… with Jesus.

Yooper will probably be there too :-)

Left-Over Thanksgiving "Stuffing"

Psalm 28

¹ To you, LORD, I call;
you are my Rock,
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who go down to the pit.
² Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.

³ Do not drag me away with the wicked,
with those who do evil,
who speak cordially with their neighbors
but harbor malice in their hearts.
⁴ Repay them for their deeds
and for their evil work;
repay them for what their hands have done
and bring back on them what they deserve.

⁵ Because they have no regard for the deeds of the LORD
and what his hands have done,
he will tear them down
and never build them up again.

⁶ Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.
⁷ The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.

⁸ The LORD is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.
⁹ Save your people and bless your inheritance;
be their shepherd and carry them forever.

I’m a natural born ‘stuffer’ of feelings.  An over-thinker.  A muller. A stewer.  I’m at odds most times with myself as I want very much to be an authentic person in all areas of my life & yet I’m often afraid that delving into the deepest parts of myself will be painful… like picking a scab off an old wound.  

Recently, I attended a Sunday school class on the Psalms with my Dad, who was visiting from Ohio. As we read through Psalm 28, he shared very candidly about being deeply injured by people… As he spoke, I felt old hurt bubble up inside of me. Hurt I had stuffed & forgotten.  He continued by saying that he found his way to comfort in the shelter of Jesus arms… & as he began to heal, he opened his heart to truly forgive those that hurt him. He even said that he had sought reconciliation with some of these people. Gasp!

Later on that afternoon, I asked him about this whole reconciliation thing. I wanted to know, ‘how did these people respond?’ He said that not everyone had been perceptive to what he had to say. Some weren’t interested in talking with him at all. Not that he seemed discouraged by it. He had done the right thing. He had chose to forgive & gone beyond that to ask forgiveness & extend grace.

So, I did what I do best. I thought. I stewed. I mulled. & I stewed some more…

& then… Ouchy… I began to u-n-s-t-u-f-f…

One by one, I gave those long-buried hurts up to God… I felt my heart soften a little… & I began to understand what my dad was talking about.

This week, I wrote some letters.  I don’t know if everyone I sent one to will remember me or if they will even care. But I know in my heart that I am doing what God desires of me. As Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

It is my prayer that God continue to give me the courage to go beyond forgiveness every time someone hurts me… that not only will I be able to extend grace to my brothers & sisters in Christ but that I will be able to pray God’s best for them… that they will use their lives to honor God & that He will use them in a mighty way for His kingdom!

A little snow, two dogs & a walk on the Wobegon…

Last week we had our first snowfall. As we headed out to walk our dogs on the trail near our house, I was struck by how different their reactions were to the ‘new’ environment.  Abby, our chocolate lab, pulled at her lead with all her might.  She danced & barked with excitement as we reached the trail head. While Yooper, our rat terrier, stayed close by my side. He was looking nervous, his tail down & his ears back.  Occasionally he looked up at me as if to say, “Are you kidding me right now?”

When we arrived at the trail, we unsnapped Abby’s lead & let her run. She bounded down the trail, zigzagging back & forth through the weeds till she found a stick for us to throw.

Yooper continued to trot along by my side watching vigilantly for anything that looked remotely dangerous & looking back from time to time to sure I was still there at the end of his leash. 

I couldn’t help but think how their responses are similar to those of their human counterparts. Very often, I find that I am more like Yooper… I am fearful of the path God is leading me on.  I don’t always trust that my Master knows the way or knows what is best for me. I hang back, look around nervously & ask God what He is doing. Oh how I long to be more like Abby...  I want to embrace God’s plan, run with wild abandon down the path my Master has set before me & enjoy every moment of the journey. 

‘You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.’

–Psalm 16:11

Little moments... long remembered...

“Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” -James 4:14 (NASB)

 When is the last time you really looked at your children?  Deliberately stopping what you are doing for a moment & without them noticing… really looked at them. This last week as my whole family was home for Thanksgiving I found myself really studying my children. Looking into their eyes & taking in how beautiful they are. Studying their faces & finding features I hadn’t noticed in a long while.  Joshua’s deep dimples & thick curls, the little chicken pox scar left over Caleb’s eye & the way those eyes dance when he is being naughty, how Hannah is still growing into her teeth & the way she wrinkles her nose when she laughs.   

 Over the next few months all three of the Pelkey ‘kids’ are reaching milestone birthdays. Our Joshua just turned 21 in November, Caleb will be 18 in February & Miss Hannah is 10 today. This morning, she jumped out of bed, burst from her bedroom, threw her arms open wide & yelled, “Today I am 10! I’m in the double digits now!” 

After we bundled her up & reluctantly sent her off to school, I was looking back through some of our old journaling & found this beautiful entry by my husband, written when Joshua was 10. I think it speaks perfectly to what has been happening in my heart these past few days…  

“Last night as I walked into my boys bedroom, I knew they would already be sleeping.  I had been at youth group & they needed to go to bed before I got home.  I quietly moved to Caleb’s bed first.  Bent over & kissed him on his cheek.  He mumbled something & rolled over.  His little boy face was lit up from the light in the hallway.  His little bear tucked under his arm & his blanket wrapped tightly around him.  He looked so peaceful, so still.

Then I turned to Joshua’s bed & found him facing the wall as I approached.  I bent over him & stopped as I looked down.  His little boy face didn’t look little anymore.  It sure didn’t have the same little boy features as Caleb’s did.  I noticed for the first time, my oldest son.  My firstborn little boy was becoming a little man & I had not even noticed it until now.  I bent over & kissed his cheek & whispered “goodnight, son” & began to turn away.  As I got to the door, I heard Josh say, “Send Daddy up.”.  I replied that it was me & that I was just tucking him in.  He called me in again & asked for hugs and kisses.  I was more than eager to comply with his request & as I held him, I wondered where the time had gone.  When did he begin to grow up?  I wanted more time to be his daddy & he my little boy.  But I knew it would all too soon be a memory.  I said prayers with him & said good night & walked out of his room.”

As James says, “our life is just a vapor that appears for a moment & then vanishes away”… Today, our eldest son truly is a man & his little brother is not that far behind. & while it has always been our prayer that we never take for granted their place in our home we understand that they have begun lives of their own, outside of us. It is because of this that I am even more grateful for each & every moment that we are able to have them with us… for weekends like this past one… being able to share turkey dinner together, take a walk on the trail with our dogs, watch our favorite teams play football, stay up too late playing board games, talking & laughing till we cry or till I pee my pants.

I am incredibly thankful to Jesus for allowing me to experience such joy in my life & for blessing me with the opportunity to be ‘Mom’ to these three… crazy beautiful, ridiculously amazing people.

Happy Birthday Joshua, Caleb & Hannah!  

Girlfriends in God...

'Every time you cross my mind,

I break out in exclamations of thanks to God.

Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer.

I find myself praying for you with a glad heart.

I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us,

believing and proclaiming God's Message,

from the day you heard it right up to the present.

There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that

the God who started this great work in you

would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish

on the very day Christ Jesus appears.'

~Philippians 1:6

 
There are things that define us… moments in time when a light comes on inside our souls & give us a sense of direction & purpose. One of these moments for me was on the evening of our first Elder’s Wives Dinner this fall…

God has really been working & growing me the past few years. He has given me good friends that hold me accountable & the people & culture of ACC have afforded me an amazing place to "find my feet" as a pastor's wife. While all of those things have had a part in where I am right now, these amazing women have had an incredible impact on me. 

When I first asked to begin meeting with the elders wives last year; it was out of desperation on my part. As Chuck & I began to see ACC grow, we were beginning to feel stretched & disconnected... It was about this time that Chuck read & committed to work through Chuck Swindoll's book, "The Church Awakening" with the elders. He found that it not only solidified & bonded their relationships on a deeper level, but as the men stepped up willingly to use their gifts to edify the church & each other, he began to feel the friendship & support he was needing. Today, he trusts them with his life... I can't tell you how uncommon that is in ministry. 

I was longing for this kind of connection as well.  So after sharing my heart with Chuck & spending time praying together, I called the elder’s wives & asked them to come for coffee. The way these women opened up their hearts & homes to me, gave me more than I had ever could have hoped for. Through those times of prayer & studying, crying & laughing together, I felt the kind support & love that I have needed not only to find the courage to be myself but to be able to give ACC the girl that God wants me to be with confidence.

This past summer, we as a group, began to feel God prompt us to create an environment for the women of our church to experience intimacy. Part of this prompting was for us to treat them to a special dinner. It was amazing to see, as the evening began to take shape, how God was using the gifts He has given each of these women to bring a unique & special touch to the experience. 

Oh what a joy is was to me to be part of such God honoring event… We experienced a beautiful evening, in a gorgeous place, while eating delicious food & enjoying fabulous service. Most importantly were able to connect on a different level as women, to share laughter & shed a few tears.  I know I came away changed in a profound way… & I am so excited to see how God is going to continue to work through the Elder’s Wives & the women of ACC.

It's from the deepest part of my soul that I say, thank you, thank you, thank you for ministering to me!