“I have no greater joy than this, to hear
of my children walking in the truth.”—3 John 1:4 NASB
As we began the month of May I have been feeling a little ‘verklempt’
[a]. It’s a busy month for most families with children & for my family it
is not different. Hannah has her many end of school programs, concerts, dance
shows, summer softball & camp & band registration. Caleb has just
finished his college freshman exams & will be home soon for the summer to
work & to liven our home with his wit & laughter. Joshua graduated from
college this past week with his degree in Youth & Family Ministry, packed
up his little car with everything he owns & drove to Florida where in just
a few days will be marrying the beautiful girl he met on his Florida
internship. I’ve really been handling
all of this pretty well… when my sweet husband has struggled with the thought
of him being so far away I have said, ‘Don’t worry. He’s ready. This is what God has prepared him for. We
want him to go & live the life God has planned for him right? After all,
isn’t this what we have prayed for? What we’ve raised him to do?” Then shortly before graduation, Josh posted a picture of his cap & gown on
his Facebook page. All of sudden it was real. Suddenly, I found myself sitting
in front of my computer, tears streaming down my face.
Oh for heaven’s sake… so much for all my bravado & my
pep talks.
I knew this day would come for my son but I can scarcely
believe it is actually here. It seems like just yesterday, that after 36 hours
of labor, I was holding a tiny, pink, sweet smelling version of him in my arms.
It was a difficult birth. So much so, that when he emerged from the emergency
C-section, he was puffy & bruised & sporting his first shiner. His dad
made a joke about it looking like he’d been in a fight with Mike Tyson. I
thought he was the most beautiful little person I had ever seen.
Intellectually I know that letting go is a process…
It began with his first day of Kindergarten.
Summer camp.
His first day of Jr. High.
His first day of High School.
The day he got his driver’s license.
His High School Graduation.
Dropping him off at college knowing he wouldn’t be coming
home that night for dinner.
College graduation.
& now…
My son is no longer a boy. He is a man. A godly man. A good
man.
This past week Josh & I found ourselves searching the
internet for a song for our mother-son dance at the reception. So many of the
songs that came up were so incredibly sappy & so sad. This is not how I would define our
relationship or describe how I am feeling in this moment. I have to admit I am
filled with joy. As I have been every moment of his life. This is what has
defined our relationship… even in the tough times there has been joy… & laughter.
I’m not gonna lie. I have had a few moments where I have been overwhelmed with
emotion (refer back to the cubicle moment). & I can’t discount that while I’ll
always be his Mumma… my role is changing. I’m no longer the most important
woman in his life. That role has become his beautiful bride Kristen’s. I wondered
when this day came if it would be bittersweet but somehow it seems more sweet
than anything. I’m thrilled that he has found his soul mate… his best friend. A girl he has entrusted his heart to & who
cares for it tenderly. A girl who loves him for everything he is &
everything he will be. A girl, who I know, has his best interest at heart, who understands
his strengths & weaknesses & will be his strongest supporter &
encourager. This is what I have prayed for him. Sigh. My heart is so full. There are hardly words.
I realize in this moment that this is not an ending… but a
beginning.
I cannot wait to celebrate this beginning with them…
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