learn. change. grow. & all things scary

Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. –Psalm 37:4

Almost two years ago Hubs & I began a life changing journey to simplify our lives. As most of you know, we started this journey by decreasing what we own by two thirds, selling our four bedroom home & moving to a tiny apartment. For us, the journey was less about the stuff & more about changing our lives to reflect what our priorities are… faith… love… & family. We wanted our day to day lives to change in a way where we had less ‘things’ to manage so we could give more of our time, talent & energy to the people & ministry that God has called us to. 

As the week & months went by & we settled into the physical downsized version of a simplified life, it became more & more apparent that God was not thru with teaching us… er… uh… me on this idea of trusting Him... by living simply.  

Shortly after the first of the year, we attended the community ‘Christmas’ party.  On top of being a pastor, Hubs serves as a chaplain with the police & fire departments so we were invited to join in. I was amazed by how Hubs knew everyone… this whole other community that I was unfamiliar with. Because I work full time at a library in a neighboring town, outside of our immediate neighbors & our church family, I have very little contact in the community where I live. By the end of the evening, I was feeling unsettled & to be honest, a little frustrated. My heart wanted what he had. 

To be honest, I thought these unsettling feelings would pass. Especially since my job, as a library cataloger, has been the job of my dreams. But as the days went by, restlessness took hold in my spirit (much like the restlessness I felt when I knew we needed to sell our house). I just couldn’t shake the idea of being able to truly serve in the community where I live.  

I should probably take a moment to remind you that I hate change. It goes against everything I am as a person. I love nothing better than the comfort of my own home with a few close friends, or a familiar place where I can order the same thing off the menu & it always tastes wonderful. I’m not a natural risk taker. Truthfully, the most out-of-the-box thing I’ve ever done was marry Hubs, who is always pushing me to learn & change & grow. The nerve of that guy. 

Anyhoo… As I became more & more discontent at work, I began to pray that God would give me peace where I was. I have a good job that provides medical benefits for my family, so I wasn’t readily willing to make what I would consider a rash decision based on a ‘feeling’ sparked by attending a Christmas party. But as time went on, staying where I am became more & more uncomfortable.  I begged God to show me very clearly what I should be doing. I’m not going to lie, there were several times that the feeling to GO was so strong, I almost just up & quit. In these tough moments, I asked others to come alongside me pray with me… that God would honor the desire of my heart… & bring me closer to home. 

Then just last month, I happened by the bulletin board in the break room & noticed an opening for a branch manager at my local library. I need not tell you how fast I ran downstairs to my desk, pulled up my resume & an application & applied immediately. 

What followed was several weeks of waiting, an interview, more waiting & finally just this week, the call to offer me the position. I accepted on the spot.

I’d like to say that it’s full-time with benefits position but it’s not. But it is in my community & offers me unlimited access to the public. That in itself should be super scary for this introverted chick. But strangely, I’m at peace. I’m reminded that much like the sale of our family home, when God moves us, He often requires more faith than what we are comfortable with. I have no doubt that Hubs will find us some reasonable medical insurance for us & that even with the decrease in hours, with the increase in pay we will likely break close to even. & While it’s less… it’s really more. The extra hours I will gain from working part-time, not to mention the much shorter commute; will be invaluable to the investment of time I will be able to make in the care & feeding of my soul & that of my family, my friends, my church & my community. 

So with all that said… mid August, I will be leaving the job of my dreams to take the job of His. I’m thankful to be learning that taking a risk for Him, lining up my will with His, produces the most satisfaction… & brings peace to my soul.  

“Unless and until we rest in God, we will never risk for God.”  
-Mark Buchanan, The Holy Wild: Trusting in the Character of God

it's all about the finish

Practicing for the BIG finish 

Since we have such a huge crowd of men of faith watching us from the grandstands, let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those sins that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up; and let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us. -Hebrews 12:1

For many, triathlons are all about the numbers.


 Distance--How many yards swam, miles biked, miles run.
 Times--legs, transitions & finish. 


& to get the best possible times the competitors invest in all the proper equipment. They have wetsuits for the swim, aerodynamic bikes made from super light carbon fiber, helmets shaped like bullets, special shoes for biking & running, tight fitting outfits made from dry-fit to accommodate all the elements, water infused with electrolytes & packets of gel or chews or whatever to give you a shot of energy. Quite frankly, the transition areas are a little like stepping onto another planet of skinny, spandex clad, helmet headed martians. Weird. 

Anyhoo...  right about now, you could ask me about my times for the tri but I'm not going to remember them. To be honest, I don't even really care. What I do care about is that I finished without stopping... it's really all about the experience for me. I mean, what's not to love about the experience of watching my parents win medals in their age class (no matter that they were the only participants in their age class). Of my friend Morgs swimming the first part of my race for me & saving me from certain death. Of the beautiful lake on mile seven of the bike & the precious little boy at mile three of the run who gave me a cup of water & a high-five. Of the moment when the finish line finally came into sight & seeing Hubs waiting there for me. Cause you all know that competitive guy totally kicked my butt. 

Friday morning, I found myself out on the trail for my first run of real substance since the triathlon last week. Oh, I've taken a couple of leisurely bike rides across town to the ballpark to watch a few of our church kids play ball & have taken a few nice walks around the lake near my work but I haven't really ran since Saturday. 

At first my legs were a little stiff but as I rounded the corner at mile one I was feeling... well to be honest, I was feeling pretty darn good. The previous weeks of training were paying off. 

In that moment... as I settled into what I call "the Zone"... I began to feel... grateful. Here I was healthy... running... legs moving, heart pumping, lungs breathing. It was glorious. 

I began to think about the amazing race of life God has called us to. How the journey is less about how 'successful' we are, how much money we make, what kind of house we live in, or what type of car we drive, but rather how we invest the time we are given. We are so often worried about the race that we forget that it's really all about the finish. We are called to run... not fast... but well. Cause it's really all about putting one foot in front of the other... growing in Christ... giving of ourselves to others. Staying on the road God has for us. Not stopping but still taking time to take in the scenery. To enjoy every single moment we are given till we catch glimpse of the finish line. 

It's not the investment in the temporal that we will be remembered for. It will be the eternal investment we make in others that will be remembered long after we are gone. 

Keep moving forward... 
Run hard... 
& finish well people...
Finish well. 


“Life is short, so live it full! Know that the work that the Lord has begun in you, He will finish it. So, honor Him today with your gift to Him, "steadfastness/endurance to live His work, and not yours. It may get tough along this journey where the enemy speaks "quit", but remember, God is not through with what He began in you. In God, your life shall be made full and complete( whole)!”

-Anita R. Sneed-Carter

Live life in light of the legacy you leave behind...

As most of you know, my rents & Hubs & I completed a triathlon last weekend. While this event has given me oodles of writing material, enough for at least a month of blogs, I just want to say a little something quick about legacy… when my dad asked me back in March, to find ‘us’ a triathlon to do, I thought he’d gone crazy. But out of respect for him, I researched the best little tri in Minnesota, enlisted Hubs to join me & began training. We trained hard, we showed up on race day & most importantly, we finished. 

My rents have taught me a lot of things over the years… My mom taught me how to ride a bike & to tie my shoes & to give grace & be truthful & to read & write & cook & sing. My dad taught me how to drive a car, to love books & to think deeply & show compassion & stand up for the least of these & to laugh & laugh & laugh. Together, they taught me who Jesus is... what real love is… & what a Godly marriage looks like.

They showed me that while sometimes our lives can be difficult, the way we face it can be an incredible opportunity to look that which seeks to destroy us & instead draw closer together. I’m not gonna lie, their type of marriage requires commitment & a stick-to-it-ness that defies all reason.  It asks us to show up & work hard at it. Every day. It asks us to love when we don’t feel it & to extend grace & compassion when we are annoyed… or God bless us... annoying. 

I love the way my dad loves my mom. How he tucks her under his arm like he’s protecting the most precious thing in all the world. I love how my mom loves my dad. How she looks up into his face with adoration & how she laughs at him. 

I felt the legacy of their example this past Sunday when I found my own self tucked up under my husband’s arm as we stood in the church pew during worship & again when I found myself reaching up gently & whispering how proud I am into his ear after he preached an amazing sermon. I've seen the legacy of this love in the way my married son is always drawing his beautiful wife in close & kissing her forehead. I see it in the way she looks at him, as if he is the best thing since… well since ever. I see the future of it in our engaged son & his fiancé as they plan & hope & pray over the beginning of their life together. 

It reminds me that what we do & how we do it matters…We can choose to sit on the side lines in fear & trepidation always holding our loved ones at a distance or we can embrace all that life & love has to offer. We can choose to do scary things so our children will too.

scary freaky wierd way to intimacy

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, 

dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: 

compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline." 

 -Colossians 3:12 (the Message)

Yesterday one of the library aides dropped a couple of CD’s onto my desk for reclassification. One of them was the soundtrack for Les Miserables by Alain Boublil & Claude-Michel Schonberg. I corrected the library record & then checked the CD out to myself. I’ve been listening to it ever since. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the story, Les Mis, ‘follows of former prisoner Jean Valjean, who, after being released from the watchful eye of police officer Javert, is unable to find work because of his status as an ex-convict. He eventually steals from a local church, but when apprehended, the priest claims that Valjean was given the valuables. This triggers a change in Valjean, & he constructs a new identity for himself as a pillar of society & a local businessman. Years later, he adopts a young girl named Cosette, whose mother Fantin, a former employee of his, became a prostitute & died a horrible death in the gutters after being fired. As the years progress & the French Revolution begins to foment, a grown Cosette falls for a passionate revolutionary named Marius, while Javert begins to close in again on Valjean's secret past.’ (a) 

It’s easy to be swept away by the beautiful music & by Victor Hugo’s soul-moving story of the power of forgiveness, love & redemption. There are so many profound moments that lead you to the final realization that one act of human kindness can change the course of a life so much that that person can become virtually unrecognizable from who they once were. 

Ohmygoodnesspeople! Don’t you see the fingerprints of God all over this one? 

So where is the fear here you might be asking? Um... hello? It can be super scary to open ourselves up to love... & even scarier to love the least of these, the marginalized or those that society & sometimes we see as irredeemable. It’s counter cultural really. It’s easier to not notice them, to walk right on by, to screen our calls, & make excuses to how we don’t have the time, why we are so much better than them & why they are too, strange, awkward, complicated, stinky, dirty, annoying, frustrating,  ____________ whatever to deal with.  I’m not suggesting we become doormats to those that would take advantage of us, but I am exhorting us to really think about how we deal with the challenging people God has put in our scope of influence. Because no one is irredeemable & if we truly took a look at ourselves before Christ, it’s pretty obvious that we weren’t so very different from them. To be honest, sometimes even now, I don’t like having to deal with my own self. I can be so stinkin' obnoxious. Seriously. 

But here’s the thing, if we chose to live our lives with an extra measure of humility & compassion… if we stopped all the things we are ‘doing’ & asked God to show us those around us who are hurting… if we chose to stoop down to take that someone’s face in our hands, look them deep in the eye & speak the Truth of Jesus into their lives… the power of that moment could change them. 

Oh, & I can promise it will change us. Why? Because we don't ever look into each others eyes. It's too intimate. Scary. Because when you truly look into the soul of another, you will see in them, the One who created them. & that might actually compel us to DO something. Do you get my drift?

That is what our savior Jesus is all about. He is humble. He is forgiving. He is compassionate. He is loving. He is Truth. He is life. He is a take your face in His hands, look you in the eye kind of guy. He has created us for this kind of intimacy. This scary, freaky, weird, kind of reaching out. 

& because to experience Him in His fullness we must be brave beyond ourselves.

To love another person is to see the face of God. 

–Victor Hugo, Les Miserables 

a) Barnes & Noble Movie Reviews 

the first step is down

Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion…

–Psalm 103.4 (NASB)

This morning I took part in a tour of our library’s Automated Materials Handling System. We’ve nicknamed it Wally. Wally helps us with several things. He is part bookdrop, part check-in, & part book sorter. Wally has two book drops, one outside the building & one in the library’s lobby. When material is placed in the outside book drop, a conveyor belt transports the item down under the street & back up into the back Circulation work area where it automatically sorts the materials into the appropriate bins. It’s a complex machine that quite frankly is a bit of an enigma. Part of the tour offered the chance to go below the building to see the underground Wally. However, the only way to do this is to descend down a ladder thru a trapdoor in the floor. Despite the fact that I am not a fan of tight dark spaces, my curiosity far outweighed my fear, so I followed my coworkers by climbing into the bowls of the building. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the space was large & well lit. I was fascinated by the elaborate yet simple system for moving books from the outside in. I was feeling a teensy bit gleeful about the whole thing when I took my place at the ladder & climbed up & out. Have no fear, I’m not about to tell you that I slipped, fell & dangled upside down from the rungs. Thankfully, it was the complete opposite. In fact, as I ascended, I heard one of my coworkers say to the others waiting their turns, “Oh. You can tell she’s athletic.” Ohmygoodnessknockmeoverwithafeather! I have never been called such a thing in my life. Uncoordinated maybe. Klutzy possibly. Awkward absolutely. But athletic never.  I’m not sure if my coworker is blind as a bat or if she is easily impressed or if the fact that I was wearing my black Chuck Taylor’s with the pink laces swayed her deduction. I will say that I laughed right out loud. I just couldn’t help it. & I was super careful to exit the trapdoor without losing my footing so not to disappoint her. 

It of course got me thinking about my month long lipstick challenge & my reluctant triathlon training & my attempts at being brave. Yes. I realize climbing into the depths of the library doesn’t really require a boatload of bravery but I didn’t climb out onto the first rung without a little bit of trepidation either. Isn’t this how it is when we take the first step out into the unknown? We find ourselves pleasantly surprised that it isn’t quite as bad as we first thought & maybe, just maybe, God has already begun to prepare us for the climb. He’s super cool like that.