Intentionality on horseback

Denise, Me & Tracy (Denise's fabulous daughter) circa 1999.

Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. -Titus 2:3-5

Recently, I was talking to a friend about discipleship & mentoring. Hubs & I have been passionate about this concept for a long while but as my girlfriend & I discussed it again, I became more & more convinced that it all comes down to intentionality. To be honest, I can’t stop thinking about it. 

I look around me & I don’t see it happening… older women coming aside younger women, sharing their wisdom & their struggles & just doing life with them. 

Ever had that moment when you are pointing a finger & you find five more pointing back at you? 

Yeah… about that… 

As I point the finger at those older than me, I’m struck by the fact that I have two adult boys who are not serial killers & are really lovely people & I may have a little bit of knowledge, a lot a bit of understanding & even more encouragement to give to those still battling it out in the trenches with little ones. 

& the more I think about where I am in my life & my desire to be intentional, the more I think about my big sister Denise. 

While she’s about ten years older than me & her kids are about ten years older than mine, she’s not actually my big sis. I’m the oldest in my family of origin, but I think of her this way. She’s invested precious time & love into me over the years & I value her advice & her friendship probably more than she can ever know. 

I’ve known Denise since I was teenager. She attended my childhood church with her husband & two tiny babies. Back then, I really looked up to her for her openness, her honesty & her intentionality with her own young family. 

When Hubs went on his first overseas deployment & I came home to live for that long year, with a toddler in tow, Denise invited me to walk with her during the winter. I so looked forward to those bundled up times, trudging along in the snow, dodging snowplows & dipping temperatures. To be honest, what drew me to Denise wasn’t what she said, it was who she was. It gave me a little bit of glimpse of what my life could be in the future & trust me, I paid attention. 

Several years later when my little family moved back to our hometown for Hubs to serve as a youth & family minister in our home church, Denise & I became sisters. Her kids were in Hubs youth group & our families became close. Denise & I took up riding. Well, I should say, I took up riding. Denise had had horses for years & she invited me out for a ride. I was hooked. On the horses & on Denise… in a totally non-creepy way here people! 

We talked about so many things on those rides. Our God, our husbands, our kids, our families, our homes, our work. She was open & candid & I learned to trust her. When things got tough, I knew I could confide in her & that she would be able to give me objective counsel. 

When we moved to Minnesota, I missed her more than I can express. While our families have remained close friends, our respective lives don’t always lend to consistent conversations but I know when we are able to connect I will come away feeling encouraged… & part of her life. As if time & distance have changed nothing. 

As I contemplate this idea of discipleship, of intentionality, I wish I could pour a dose of Denise over every girl who is right now, sitting in her locked bathroom, reading this blog while her children scream her name & poke their tiny little fingers underneath the door. 

If I could say something to that girl today, I would encourage her to look around & find a woman that she can look up to & invite her to coffee. Be brave. Be fearless. Watch. Listen. Soak it all up & take it all in. 

& if I could say something to the older women in our midst, I would encourage her to look around her. Invite a younger woman to coffee.  Be brave. Be fearless. Young women need you. They need you to share your story. To share your struggles. To share your wisdom & experience.

As for me, I am becoming more intentional in my relationships & I'm learning to be more comfortable with the fact that I am old enough to know something... & that my story, despite how I may feel about it, may be just what someone else needs to hear.