Mile three

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! –Hebrews 12:1-3 (the Message) 

I have a knack for flunking driving tests. Each state I’ve lived in, I’ve managed to flunk out the first time I take the written tests. Every. Single. Time. Thing is. I don’t really care about the failing that much. God designed me in such a way that I just barely have a pulse. It takes a lot to rile me & even more to motivate me to do anything outside of reading, writing & thinking. & because I don’t have what Hubs calls ‘an inner drive’, I’m not really afraid to try new things or to fail or to come in last because I fail pretty much every day & it’s all about the journey with me anyway. This drives his super driven, Type A personality crazy. 

Case in point: When we moved to Ohio when our boys were small, Hubs went to the DMV to change ove his driver’s liscense right away, even though we had like a whole year to do it. He came home with a stack of pamphlets & an instruction book for me to study. The test was ‘hard’ he said. He almost ‘failed’ he said. I should ‘study’ he said. I did manage to look up from the book I was reading to see his mouth moving but I’m not sure I heard more than HARD, FAILED, & STUDY. “Did you fail?” I asked. “ALMOST!” he said horrified. Huh… Of course by now you must realize that I promptly put the whole conversation out of my mind cause those are not pretty words & they could totally throw off my groove, not to mention this seems like a man-made system that should be overthrown by free thinking people. I mean, why do I need to take a written test on something I’ve been doing half my life. Who cares that different states have different rules… can’t we just have a utopian nation where there are no differing rules about u-turns, or trailer lights or left-hand turns on Saturday or seat-belts? Where people can drive in freedom with their knees.  A place where hanging your feet out the windows is encouraged & Bob Dylan’s “How Many Roads” is an anthem to be sung at the top of our lungs. Yes I know I am being ridiculous but can’t you see that beautiful place? 

Anyhoo, I finally scheduled my test because the rules are rules & even I can’t avoid them forever. I drove myself across town & took the test & promptly FAILED because it was HARD & I did not STUDY. I had a grand time laughing at myself on my drive home cause Hubs was right again, that silly guy. However, when I told him my little tale he was not at all amused. In fact, he was pretty well aghast. “WHAT?! How could you FAIL? Didn’t you STUDY? Didn’t I tell you it was HARD?” … yeah… about that. What followed was an age old ‘discussion’ that truly stems from our personality differences. I may have said something about going back & flunking it like 365 more times till I had my current Michigan license revoked & he might have said something about me being a ‘slacker’. I don’t know for sure. You could ask him about it if you want to see his neck vein bulge. 

I digress… apparently, this is the long way around to my third point & mile three… 

Take heart you fellow lackofmotivationites. Mile three is always where I begin to excel.  It’s about this time that my legs just keep moving; as if pulled along by an invisible force. I don’t know exactly what it is. If it’s that I finally hit my stride or that I finally come to terms with what I am doing, that I’m super stubborn or that I find focus or what. Maybe it’s a little of all these things. I’d like to think that despite other areas of my life where I lack motivation or inner drive; once started, I’m a slow & steady who is made for the long haul. Or that I’m really OK with being uncomfortable because I know somewhere deep down inside that I won’t be running forever & the finish line is just over the next big hill. 

Running is not comfortable. Unlike the peaceful, deep breathing, fluid movements of let’s say… yoga, running is intense. Everything in your body screams out to stop. Your lungs heave & burn, your arms, legs & chest ache, your stomach clenches, your feet blister. You hurt. 

This is the believer’s life. Do you see it? It is not comfortable. It often makes little to no sense. So many times our minds & sometimes bodies scream out to stop. The pain seems too much to bear. I used to absolutely hate this. I’d be the first one to dodge the yucky stuff, to pray for God to take the icky things away. But it’s been in my darkest, most painful places that I’ve learned… God draws close to us in the hurtful things. If we beg off the suffering, we can miss the bigger blessing... As our souls groan for more… more faith, more love, more peace, more strength, more hope…  He shows us who we are & just what we are capable of. Which to be honest is far MORE beautiful than we could ever imagine on our own. 

Oh our God doesn’t call us to comfort people. He calls us to begin a race of radical obedience, to dig down deep & run with perseverance, & to keep on running for the glory of Him who knows our name & our hearts.  

“Struggling and suffering are the essence of a life worth living. If you're not pushing yourself beyond the comfort zone, if you're not demanding more from yourself - expanding and learning as you go - you're choosing a numb existence. You're denying yourself an extraordinary trip.”
― Dean Karnazes, Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner