on your mark. get set. go. sprint. jog. stop. pass out. weep. go.

"Be still..."

-Psalm 46:10 

I’ve had a particularly difficult week. Most of it is my fault. Some of it is just… well I’m just not sure.

I have a bad pattern in my life. It goes like this:

I love to Abide… to rest in Jesus. Until I’m up to my eyeballs in regular life & then I love the excitement of engaging with those around me. Whoop whoop! Until I’m so overwhelmed & so worn out I can barely function. Then I love to Abide.  

  

I think part of the reason I have fallen into this ridiculous pattern is that God has made me in such a way that I need more than your average time to be alone & still. I need time to think. Time to feel. Time to pray. Time to process. So sometimes I have to unplug… & more often than not, I feel incredibly guilty about that.

For me, the perfect morning would be to wake up early, grab a cup of coffee & my Bible & curl up in my pajamas on my little patio & sit quietly, listening to the birds & to God, till the sun is far up in the sky & I’m hungry for lunch.

However, this is not at all practical to my day to day life. But here’s the dealio… if I don’t take the time to do a pared down version of that, I’m most certainly on the road to a meltdown.

This week. I’m well on my way.

Sensing trouble Monday night, one of my girlfriends called & left a message on my phone. She told me she loved me & that she was praying for me & that I didn’t need to call her back, I just needed to know. I burst into tears. There was such freedom in her words. Such peace in knowing that I didn’t have to DO anything. That she didn’t expect anything of me. That she would be thinking & praying for me even if I couldn’t or didn’t call her back.

You see… lots of people expect a lot from me. When people hurt, they call me. When people want advice, they call me. When people experience the highs of life, they call me. I so want to be there for all the moments. All of them. I love being a part of our church & Chuck’s ministry. It’s just that sometimes between trying to balance the day job that pays me & the calling I have to serve alongside Hubs in ministry, I feel emptied out. & I need to unplug to refill.  

This week, I found myself dry. Empty. Yesterday, as I was dumping out all of the things onto my girlfriend (yes I did return her call the next day), she very gently interrupted my rambling & said, “Lis, you know it’s OK for you to unplug. You need to do that for you so you can keep pouring out to all of us. You might want to be a little more honest about that.”

Tears again.

I know she’s right. It’s just that no matter how depleted I am, stealing a little quiet time away all to myself just feels so selfish.

This morning I read this passage of scripture from Matthew 14 about Jesus… At the height of his ministry, “he slipped away by boat to an out-of-the-way place by himself”.

Jesus slipped away. To think. To feel. To pray. To process. To renew. To return.

It was like a THWACK to the side of my head. Truly.

I absolutely need to make some changes in the way I do life. I need to take time to be in the quiet. I need not to apologize for the way God created me. I need to Abide every day & be filled…

I’m committed to do better in this people! For real.

So please don’t be overly concerned about me if you don’t hear from me for a day or two or if I seem a little quiet or even a little distant. I’m unplugging. &, if I have to say, “No” or “I can’t” or “How’s about a rain check”, please don’t be offended & please please please don’t take it personally. I’m unplugging. I have got to do this people! It’s imperative to my soul. I need to refill… to do all the things that God is asking me to do.

"Voices surround us, always telling us to move faster. It may be our boss, our pastor, our parents, our wives, our husbands, our politicians, or, sadly, even ourselves. So we comply. We increase the speed. We live life in the fast lane because we have no slow lanes anymore. Every lane is fast, and the only comfort our culture can offer is more lanes and increased speed limits. The result? Too many of us are running as fast as we can, and an alarming number of us are running much faster than we can sustain." 

–Mike Yaconelli

*PS if you see me in the liquor store in my slippers & pajamas… I give you my permission to stage an intervention. That’s way too much unplugging... even for me ;)