It is for freedom that Christ has set us
free.
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke
of slavery.
–Galations 5:1 (NIV)
Satan knows my weaknesses. He also knows my strengths. For most
of my life, I allowed him to have the upper hand. I listened to his incessant whispering
& I let his nefarious lies seep into my soul…
“You are not enough…
not pretty enough… not smart enough…
not good enough… not spiritual enough…
God forgot to give
you a gift to give others. You got nothing. Nothing worthy or good to give.
You are inadequate…
to support your husband in his
calling… to have a calling yourself.”
I used to be bound by these lies… by these fears. Paralyzed really.
So much so that I could barely function in a large group of people… & by
large I mean any more than 20. In the first church where Hubs served, I often fled directly after the Sunday service
to avoid the ‘coffee hour’ where I felt like everyone was judging me, where I
might have to engage in small talk or God forbid be asked to do something I
felt completely inadequate to do. Let me be clear, this had little to nothing
to do with the good people of the church where he served, & everything to
do with me, my insecurities & my social anxiety. I so longed to be who God had created me to be…
to use my giftedness to edify the body but I had no idea who I was, who He had
created me to be, what my gifts were or how to stand up to the intense pressure
I felt to be the perfect pastor’s wife… whatever the hell that meant.
I mean, I believed that God could save me, that He had saved
me… I just didn’t know who I truly was in Him.
Why am I telling you all of this today? Because knowing who
you are in Christ is a big stinkin’ deal people. Everything you know &
understand about who you are on earth is dependent upon it… & because everything
you say & do & are flows from that precious knowledge…
If you are a follower of Jesus… here is who YOU are:
So here’s the skinny… before I allowed the Truth of who I am
in Christ sink into my soul, I was open to the enemy & his arsenal of lies. To be honest, if you knew me ten years ago... you would be shocked. I hardly look like that same girl now. Why? No, not because I'm older & more wrinkled. But because now, I know who I am. & when
I begin to feel those old doubts & fears creep in (because trust me, there
are days when I still wonder why in the world God or anyone else would want
me), I know that those words are not from God. I know that I am His child &
because of that relationship, I don’t have to wallow in the pain & darkness
& the insecurities & wonder… instead I can know without a shadow of a doubt that my God has a
purpose, a plan, a gift, a calling for me & my life. & in that knowledge... I can live in true
freedom & in real peace.
"In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the
community of our healing gift.
If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame,
our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for
others."
–Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate
Belonging
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