It’s funny how my mind can get stuck on
something. Oh & trust me, it has been stuck for the past few days on the concept of home.
I’ve come to believe that home is subjective.
I mean really…
What
is home? Is it a place? Is it family? Is it a state of mind? What?
This past weekend, my husband &
daughter & I made the three hour trek to Fargo to see our son Caleb, who
attends college at NDSU. It was really wonderful to spend quality time to
reconnect with him & to visit with his girlfriend. We stayed at a fancy
schmancy hotel, ate pizza, listened to music, shopped for tools (he is a
construction management major), took a tour of a home he is currently framing,
drank lots of coffee, talked about some deep spiritual things & laughed
& laughed & laughed.
On our way home, with our daughter sleeping
in the backseat, my husband & I began to talk. We talked about how spread
out our family is. Other than Hannah & Caleb, all of our family members are
at least a full day’s drive from us.
We acknowledged that we were the first to move
far away from our childhood homes (I guess you can say we took that verse in
Genesis about leaving your father & mother & cleaving to each other
seriously) & once gone we have become a bit nomadic. So much so, that sometimes
it feels as if we’ve lived several different lives… I know our own children
feel connected to very different communities because of it. & while we
continue to feel called to our current church & community, even now... I
can’t shake the feeling that we are just here for a season. We are here until God calls someone better equipped to
minister to the people of Avon Community Church & calls us on to somewhere & to do something else.
I get that this way of life has most likely
given me a much different view of what most people see ‘home’ as. You know, I
love the conventional view of home. & I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been
jealous at times of my girlfriends who have had more grounded lives. Those who
still live near their parents, who can hang out with their beloved high school
girlfriends & have coffee with their sisters; those who have married &
bought homes where they stay put to raise their families, whose children have remained
physically close & who see their grandchildren every day.
However, I can’t discount the amazing
‘home’ that God has provided me.
In many ways, home for me has become
wherever God has placed us & my longing to be at ‘home’ in Him far
outweighs my longing for a real physical place. My soul can relate with Ruth
when she begged her mother-in-law Naomi to allow her to accompany her back to
Israel, “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I
go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my
god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!” (Ruth 1:16-17)
This type of transient life is often the
way of a ministry family.
So, I look at each moment I have with my far
away family… my mom & dad, my sisters, my boys, my sweet daughter-in-law… as especially precious. & I do my best to make the most
of each day I have here in this place, in this time, with these people. I hold our time, our conversations, our tears, our love, our laughter our living life together safely in my heart…
This is Home to me...
For this I am overwhelmingly grateful.
“Home
wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map.
It was wherever the people who
loved you were, whenever you were together.
Not a place, but a moment, and then
another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you
take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”
–Sarah Dessen
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