are you ready?

41 degrees
wind
rain

yep... that was my three mile run this morning.

why? cause i'm committed to training to run a half-marathon with my dad.

training is ugly. like for real ugly.
a little like my life lately.

i've been writing for our church's first ever women's retreat where i'll be speaking in a break out session. the writing has been hard because i'm committed to write from a place of transparency.

i'm not gonna lie. the more transparent i am, the harder it is in my for real life. it's been super ugly people.

not that bad stuff has happened. things in my life are good & this retreat... this retreat is gonna be amazing! it's the inside stuff that's been in constant upheaval.

this morning as i hit mile two of my run, a gust of wind & a semi truck doused me with a big ol' spray of water. shockingly cold, it triggered something deep down inside that spurred me to run faster, harder. maybe i just wanted to get home to a hot shower & a cup of coffee & hubs who is 'so very proud' of me.

whatever it was, in that burst of energy i heard God speak to my soul... "you are mine".

so there i was, running down the road, tears running down my face thanking God for the incredible way He lives & moves & breathes in me. despite the fact that i'm hopelessly flawed. despite the fact that i'm super stubborn & love to go my own way. despite the fact that i'm very often a great big ugly mess.

i'm excited about the retreat. for the opportunity to share how God is growing me. for the awareness that i can't possibly do what i need to do in & of myself. for the knowledge that God has got me. God is so crazy cool like that.

the new normal... whatever that means

"Jesus said, “I am the Bread of Life. The person who aligns with me hungers no more and thirsts no more, ever." -John 6:35 (the Message)

Today is my first day of my for real life. As most of you know, I started a new job last month but I've been helping out a my friends' coffee shop in the morning before heading across the street to the library to do my branch manager stuff. To be honest, I've been working longer hours than when I had the hour commute to the city.

It's been challenging.
It's been good.

This morning was my first day without the coffee shop gig...

I got up.
Saw my daughter off to school.
Had coffee with Hubs.
Ran three miles (in preparation of the half marathon I want to run with my dad).
Spent some quiet time with God.
Whipped up an egg white, spinach & red pepper omelet.
& got ready for my work day.

Yes. This may be the new normal or at least I hope it will be. But if not, I know that GOD is working out His plan for my life for my growth & His glory. & I know that He will give me just what I need to do what He wants me to do.

PS Here's a little glimpse of my cool down music this morning... so much GOOD! :D

bubble girl...

Cultivate these things.

 Immerse yourself in them.

The people will all see you mature right before their eyes!

Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching.

Don’t be diverted.

Just keep at it.

Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation.

-1 Timothy 4:15 & 16 (the Message)

I am a work in progress... always.

AHHHH! STAY OUT OF MY BUBBLE!

This was ever more apparent this past week as I found myself back to my old work place for a regional staff meeting.  I had gone to see some of my old coworkers, one of which I had nominated for an award. She had just been informed that she had received it & was still I think in a bit of a shock. This precious quiet lady is an unsung hero really. One who works diligently behind the scenes to make the rest of us look good. As she bashfully thanked me for nominating her, I was so overcome with excitement that I just reached out to hug her. She let me but she had this look... you know the one of pure terror.  The one where someone you vaguely know is about to come into your bubble.

In that moment I realized... I have officially switched to other side & become one of  'those people'.  You see... I used to have a great big bubble. Which was comfortable & safe & not the slightest bit messy. Hubs used to tease me about my wooden hugs, & stiff back patting & frozen smiles.

I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't take it a bit further to say that this went far beyond the whole hugging thing. I very rarely let anyone inside the bubble to see the for real me. But as God has grown me over the years, He's shown me not only how to hug involuntarily & GASP... how to actually enjoy it... He's shown me how to let down my guard & let people in.

I know that this is risk. That when you open yourself up to others you run the risk of being hurt. I also know that when you open up yourself to others you get to experience the best of life. After all, God created us to be in deep fellowship with each other.

Yeah so... Don't fight it.
You know I'm coming right up on into
your bubble right?

Here's the dealio... It's hard to change things that are safe & comfortable to us. It's easier to make excuses about our personalities & not take responsibility for what God is calling us to work on. This has always been true for me. There are times I long for the quiet, peaceful, introverted bubble I used to live in. There's so much less drama back in that thing. But I know deep down inside my soul that God is calling me to step out of the shadows, to engage in the beautiful, messy world of people. & that because He is calling me, He will give me the strength & courage to live there with JOY.

"That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond.

To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."                

- Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

when your tummy grumbles... pray

      "So we fasted and prayed about these concerns.
                                                                And He listened."

- Ezra 8:23

I've never fasted before. Mostly because I have always been a little bit fearful that it would trigger my eating disorder & partly because I've just never been compelled to do so.

This past week our dear friend & founder of our church, Bruce was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. With a complicated surgery looming, his beautiful family asked us to fast & pray for him. For the first time even in my life, I felt completely & utterly convicted to do the whole thing.

I think people choose to fast in different ways. Some fast from certain meals, committing that time instead to prayer. Some choose to fast from everything but fluids for a certain amount of time. Others just from certain foods or from other things that take their time away from prayer.

I decided to fast from everything but water from the time I woke up this morning until we heard news of Bruce's surgery... praying for Bruce & his family whenever my stomach growled.

I found myself praying at random times. In a work meeting. In my car on the commute to & from work. At my desk. While I was waiting for my daughter to get out of cross country. When I got the news that Bruce had made it out of surgery. That it had been successful. That our dear friend was resting peacefully.

I'm not telling you this because I want you to think I'm some kind of spectacular person. I'm not. I'm telling you this because I don't want you to be afraid of fasting. It's not some kind of mystical thing that people did way back in Bible times or that people of puritanical persuasion do today.

19th century Scottish missionary, Andrew Murray reminds us that, "Prayer is reaching out after the unseen; fasting is letting go of all that is seen and temporal. Fasting helps express, deepen, confirm the resolution that we are ready to sacrifice anything, even ourselves to attain what we seek for the kingdom of God."

This is what God wants... for us to seek His face on behalf of others. So that HE may be glorified.

selfishness, selfishness is what I long for... wait. what?

Ever get a song stuck in your head & you can't for the life of you get it out? This is going on with me this morning. The song is 'Holiness' by Sonic Flood. Do you know it?

Holiness, holiness is what I long for
Holiness is what I need
Holiness, holiness is what you
Want from me

 

So, take my heart and form it
Take my mind and transform it
Take my will and conform it
To yours, to yours, oh Lord
To yours, to yours, oh Lord

 

Faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for
Faithfulness is what I need
Faithfulness, faithfulness is what
You want from me

 

So, take my heart and form it
Take my mind and transform it
Take my will and conform it
To yours, to yours, oh Lord

 

Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for
Brokenness is what I need
Brokenness, brokenness is what
You want from me
What you want from me
It's what I want

 

The fact that this song is stuck in my brain, is indicative of the way God's been hammering away at me recently to take a step back & take a moment to evaluate what I really 'long' for. I would imagine that this stems partly because Hubs & I have been talking a lot lately about what it means to really sacrifice for the cause of Christ. Not sacrifice in the sanitized western evangelical Christian cultural sense but in the for real real wipe-you-out spiritual one. It's become very apparent to me as God has been working in my own heart that I, along with most cultural Christians, do not sacrifice. Don't get me wrong, there are many people who are doing good things for God but are they really sacrificing? I'm beginning to think not. 

 

I mean, if you really take a moment to think about it, when was the last time you went out of your way to do something for Jesus? When was the last time you did something that had absolutely no benefit to you? 

 

To be blunt, we are super good about dropping an envelope in the offering plate... but not so much that it would hurt us aka keep us from going out to dinner or movie. We quickly volunteer for & attend things that are comfortable for us... things we can do in & of our own strength. We cater to our own pet projects & follow our own agendas instead of watching where God is working & joining Him there. We gravitate toward relationships that are easy & fit into our lives without much discomfort... cause who wants to be held accountable to our actions or God forbid pour your heart into something that might not ever give back to you? Am I right?  

 

In the book of 1 John, the author reminds the Christian church to be aware that sacrifice = love.

 

This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God’s love? It disappears. And you made it disappear. -1 John 3:16 & 17

 

Ouch!

 

You guys! what we do for Christ & the way in which we do it matters. Do you think for a minute that Jesus doesn't see right down into our souls? He sees our agendas & motivations. Our selfishness & pride. Do you think He is impressed by the things we do in our own strength? Um no. Do you think He cares about our lame excuses like; "I don't have time" & "That's not where I'm gifted"?  Not likely.

 

What He does care about is that we do things for Him because we love Him & we love each other. This means that we truly sacrifice ourselves... that we put aside... our agendas, our schedules, our time, our talents, our money, our stuff, our love, our dreams, our lives for the sake of the gospel.

 

Yeah, in our culture I know this sounds whackadoo but seriously people... in my experience, whackadoo is where God works best.

 

 

 

 

kloveyoubye

My little family has a way we end every phone call we ever have with each other... "K. Loveyou. Bye." It's always said as if it's just one word. Kloveyoubye.
 
As most of you know, I started a new job a month ago today. Unlike my last library position, this one requires me to interact with the public & answer the phone. I am so enjoying the patron & staff interaction but the first day I worked, I found myself signing off my first phone call with, "kloveyoubye". I can hardly imagine the face of the patron on the other end of the line. Can you say, "AWKWARD"?
 
Most of my adult life I've lived far away from my family & now as my own children have grown & gone, they too have chosen to follow God's plan for them far from home. Time spent as a family comes farther & farther in between. Not that we don't try. It's just really hard to coordinate everyone's lives & schedules. 
 
This week my heart hurts. I miss the Florida Chapter of the Pelkeys. I miss our son Caleb & his girl. I miss my mama & daddy & my sisters & their families. I wish we could all be together. I wish I could hear our boys banter with my dad, listen to my daughter-in-law share her heart about her life, laugh with my sisters, lay my head on my mama's shoulder & watch my daughter roughhouse with her cousins. I miss all these things.

It's days like this when I long to be stranded on a desert island with these people my heart loves. In this moment I want to scrap the life we've built here & go on the road spending three months here & three months there & there & there soaking every bit of them up. Yes I know this is impractical & far from feasible financially & is quite frankly silly. I also know that God has a much bigger plan for me... & for them. & while it is doubtful that we will ever all live within even an hour of each other; I do find some comfort in knowing that one day I will be able to spend every day with them in heaven.

Till then there will be phone calls & texting & Facebook & Skype & Facetime. Till then there will be long car rides & connecting flights & vacations spent together. Till then there will be kloveyoubye.

"Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives." -1 Peter 2:11-12 (the Message)

be brave. be authentic.

Remember that one time waaaaaaaaay back in July when I said I was going to wear red lipstick for a month? Guess what? I'm still wearing it. Partly cause I like the idea of being a risk taker... not just in theory but in for real life. The lipstick reminds me to be brave. The other part is that I just like the red. It makes me feel glamorous even when I'm sitting around in my sweatpants. Oh yes people, I am wearing the lipstick even in my sweatpants. Why? Cause you never know when you might need the courage to do something extraordinary in your sweatpants that's why. Seriously.

Anyhoo... I started the Red-Lipstick Challenge to do something every day that scares me. After all this time you might be wondering… has it changed me? Am I any braver?

Here are the top ten things I’ve learned about being brave... in no particular order:

 

10. Bravery isn’t always an outward showing of strength & courage… sometimes it’s something that happens internally.

 

9. You can do a lot of crazy brave things with the right kind of encouragement… sometimes from others… sometimes from yourself… & all the time from God.

 

8. Red lipstick is empowering. No wonder my friend Miss Pat, who is in her eighties, is never seen without hers. On a side note, she went tubing behind a boat for the first time just a couple of years ago… Oh yeah, she’s all kinds of spectacular. I hope I will still have her sense of adventure when I am her age.

 

7. Being brave has nothing to do with fear… it’s just making the choice to do that which frightens you anyway .

 

6. If you do little scary things it lights a fire within you to do BIG scary things... doing scary things is faith building.

 

5. Being my authentic self is absolutely terrifying & sometimes painful. I choose to be my authentic self anyway.

4. A little spicy color in your life is a good thing. Wheather that's a new shade of lipstick or a life change or a new relationship. Knockmeoverwithafeather... color aka change can be your friend. Who knew?

3. Risk is not my thing. Security is. But sometimes it's the right thing to risk anyway.

2. Accepting God's best for you requires giving up something deep down inside. It requires the deepest kind of bravery.

1. The Christian journey is not for the faint of heart... if I want to experience God in His fullness, I need to brace myself for the crazy beautiful life He has planned for me.

So I guess you can say, my commitment to wear the Red has changed me. I'm braver than I was a couple of months ago... but I have a long way to go till I can say that I live my life with complete & total reckless abandon. To be honest, now that I've had a little taste of it though... I want it that much more. One day, I will live my life with arms outstretched to receive all the things God has for me. One day...

"Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage!

Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

-God, Joshua 1:9 (the Message)

Love 'DOES'

Ever have one of those days where God pours His Spirit out on you & renders you senseless?
This was my day yesterday.

I decided to take the day off at the coffee shop because I've been working 10 hour days between there & the library & to be honest, I'm a little... well I'm tired that's what I am. So tired that I'm compelled to shout out to all of those people who do this two job thing all the time. I respect the snot out of you people! For reals!

Anyhoo... yesterday, I slept in till 6 (whoooohoooooooo), saw Hubs & our daughter off to work & school, threw on some jeans & headed to a different coffee shop to read my Bible, spend some quiet time with God & eventually to catch up with a girlfriend.

What followed was an outpouring of God love all over my weary soul. He reminded me that His love operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright. It's more about presence than a project. It's a brand of love that doesn't just think about good things, or agree with them, or talk about them. Love DOES.

It's a hard concept to accept when you are tired & to be honest the Christian walk can be tiring. I know mine is. Why? Cause it's about sacrifice. Sacrificing my will, my desires, my time, my talent, my life for the sake of the Gospel.

By the time my girlfriend arrived, I was a big ol' mess. I could barely speak. Oh yes.,. I was on the verge of ugly crying, But there in that crowded coffee shop, my friend encouraged my heart. Not that she coddled me. I don't expect or want that from her. She spoke truth & life into me & sent me on my way.

I spent the rest of the day running errands & catching up on all the things I have missed the past few weeks before heading to another friend's home to pray. All I can say about this is that it was a powerful time. A life changing time. A time where the morning's Spirit filling allowed my spirit to overflow out onto others.

Oh my goodness people! God is so stinkin' cool right?!

I'm amazed at His faithfulness to me as I stumble along on my faith journey & I'm humbled by how He manages to take a hopelessly flawed girl like me to encourage others. Knockmeoverwithafeather! Can you imagine how much more He can do with you?

"I used to think being a believer was enough,
but now I know Jesus wants us to participate,
no matter what condition we're in."
-Bob Goff

Bite marks on my butt

I'm about to be brutally honest up in here... it's no secret that I struggle with relationships. I very often find myself opening up with complete transparency only to be betrayed by my own words.

This happened to me last week. Something that I said in confidence, circled its way back around to me. Now, I get that it's never OK for me to gossip... I trust that when or if I'm skirting on the edge of that nonsense, that the people closest to me will check me on it. But I wonder sometimes if it's ever OK to share my heart. You know, the deepest parts of me that no one but God & sometimes Hubs sees.

I have to admit when confronted with my own words this week; my first reaction was to run thru those words my mind... to determine its source... to cut people out... to tighten up my circle. That's what my cautious nature wants to do. But is that what God wants for me?

Proverbs 17:9 reminds me to, "Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend!"

This doesn't mean I become a doormat for those who would seek to harm me or share my deepest thoughts with everyone that comes into my life; but it is clear that if I want authenticity from others, I have to continue to be authentic myself. & if I truly want transparency in my closest relationships, I have to be transparent myself. Even if it bites me.

Will I tighten my circle? To be honest, I might for a while. Just while I try to find my footing. Will I close up & not trust? I pray God will give me the courage not to do that terrible thing. I hope instead that this insatiable desire He has put in my heart to be open & honest about my life, far outweighs the pain that might bring me.

I know that tossing out bits & pieces of my heart like that will always be an occupational hazard for me in my role as a pastor's wife... & bite marks on my derrière will mostly likely be a part of that too. 

Courage heart!

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves    

cause Jr. High is coming... whether I like it or not

this would be me... in the 7th grade

"Get the word out. Teach all these things. And don’t let anyone put you down because you’re young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity." -1 Timothy 4:11&12 (the Message)

 

So you guys... You remember that I have mostly grown up boys right? It's common knowledge that I might be a little bit in denial about that actually. They are lovely grown up man people. 

 

Anyhoo... I also have a wee widdle baby daughter who is going to be in the 7th grade next week? 

Needless to say, this mumma has been having a few issues. Why? Cause Jr. High is super hard people that why!!!! 

 

Almost every woman, in the numerous small groups I've lead over the years, have NOT loved Jr. High. In fact, most had a difficult experience... some are still trying to recover from it.  

I just want my girl to know how amazing & beautiful & smart & gifted she is. I don't want her to look for her value in her peers. Boys or girls. I don't want her to worry about being popular or fashionable or even the best at everything. Instead I want her strive to be brave & strong & compassionate. To love the kids who aren't so loveable & to stand up for the kids who get teased.

 This weekend, the last one before school starts, I snuck away with her. We talked about what she can expect... we talked about what things may change... we talked about all the things... from changing classes & using a lock with a combination to running cross country & starting youth group & all the things that make Jr. High awesome. We also talked about the hard things... from friend drama to boy drama to how everyone is just trying to figure out who they are & what they stand for & where they fit.



As we talked, I marveled at this beautiful young lady... cause this is really who she is becoming... I marveled at her strong inner compass, her passion for justice, her desire to do the right thing & not follow the crowd. Could it be that despite the fact that she has a chicken headed mumma (who really has no reason to be freaking out about Jr. High), that she will escape the perils of Jr. High unscathed?

Likely not.

But here is what I'm sure of now... she is sure of herself. Of who she is & where she belongs. She's a Pelkey girl... a spicy little lady who has two protective big brothers who have got her back... a sister-in-law she can share her heart with, a mumma who is determined to help her navigate her teen years with grace & dignity & a daddy who loves her to the point of distraction. Best of all, she knows that she's a child of a King... she knows that He wants the best for her & that He created her for an amazing purpose.


It is my prayer that as she begins Jr. High she will not lose this sense of self. That she will not allow others to tear down what God has so carefully constructed. That instead, she will make a difference where she is... that she will shine from the inside... & be Jesus with skin on.

“As believers, everything we do is based on how we view God.” -Hayley DiMarco







 

 

it happened round the table...

Summer is almost over. We have 7th grade open house for our daughter this week, school starts the day after Labor Day & she has already started cross country practice. With the beginning of school comes  the fall programming for Christian Education at church. The search for Sunday School teachers is in full swing, curriculum is being researched & purchased & adult Bible studies are taking shape. While I love all the amazing teaching that goes on at our church, I can't help but feel like it is still missing a little something.
 
This week as I've been listening to Hubs share his thoughts about 'Christian Education', all I could think about is the sermon series we taught together last year on community & I've been thinking about our precious friends, Dave & April Yeager.
 
I'm going to post here, in part, some of the message we shared last year... prepare yourself... because of Hubs influence, it's a little different than most of the things I blog but this is so important people. It is the passion of my heart. For real.  
 
Here's what I mean...  
 

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17

 

“And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

-Hebrews 10:24-25

"I want to share with you a little bit about the difference between Bible studies & small groups… Many of us have been a part of a Bible study at some point in our Christian lives. Typically, these groups read the Bible for a set period of time on a specific day of the week or study topical Christian books. ACC has had a great track record for excellent Sunday school teaching & home Bible studies. When we first moved here, we found that it was very common for those we talked with, to have come into the church thru a Bible study at Al & Mary Nowachecks house. I’d like for you to take your warm fuzzy memories of your experiences with home Bible study & set them aside for a moment.  Don’t freak out. While Bible studies are wonderful, they don’t constitute a Christian community in its entirety.

So what’s the difference? The short answer is that a small group community is not a Bible study, but a small group community studies the Bible. Does this make sense?

Let me explain… A Bible study is often defined by gathering for the event of learning. The individuals who compose a small group community are individually engaging God’s Word on a daily basis.

The distinction is primarily in expectations: a small group community expects that an individual is participating in the community to contribute something (1 Corinthians 14:26), whereas someone comes to a Bible study to consume something.

Certainly people need to study the Bible, but to study the Bible without engaging in authentic community on mission is a fool’s errand. The purpose of studying the Bible is indeed to learn about God and conform us to the image of Christ, but it’s also to equip us for the work of ministry in the church (community) and outside the church (mission).

If we desire compelling communities that foster obedience to the Bible, our small group community should be natural, neutral, and regular, in the pattern and rhythm of everyday life, not a one-hour, drive-through Bible study.

Practically speaking, most Bible studies need to think critically about how the information that they are studying affects their daily life AND specifically how they can share the good news of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection with their friends and neighbors.

You know, some of the most incredible teaching & learning I have ever experienced was around the table in our friends Dave & April Yeager’s kitchen. Every Friday night our families got together to make pizza & talk about the Bible. As time went on we got together more frequently. Always for a meal. Sometimes we studied a passage in the Bible… sometimes we just played cards & talked about how God was working in our lives. As our kids played night games & built blanket forts & watched movies & played video games, we shared what we were reading, what God was teaching us & how to work out this whole salvation thing. We laughed together. We cried together. We sharpened each other.  

Again, we don’t want to throw out the baby with the bathwater here… we just want to encourage you to think a little outside of the box… outside of what you think organized ‘religion’ or teaching should look like." -Building Community, Summer 2013

 

Here's what I want to reiterate about our Friday night times together with our Yeager friends. Their friendship & the seven years we had living in community with them changed how we view 'church' for the good. Church is not a building. It's not programming or the worship band or the pastors. It is the people... living in true community together.

 

This is not easy, I'm not gonna pretend that it is. You have to be deliberate. You have to be willing to open up your lives to see each other for who you are deep down inside. To make time to build trust & share meals & learn & play together. We need to be willing to go against what our culture tells us our friendships should look like. We need to stand firm when people think we are strange or weird or 'cultish'. We need to love when our brothers are obnoxious... to be a support to our sisters in the tough times... to encourage our people to grow & change... & to cheer each other on when we succeed.  Sound familiar?

 

 Acts 2:44-47 tells us of the first century church, "All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

 

It is my deepest conviction that this... this is how we will change the world people.

 

 

 

"The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creation. Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love. This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian."                
                  -Brennan Manning (The Furious Longing of God)

 

Mudman

Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ. Let nothing in your conduct hang on whether I come or not. Your conduct must be the same whether I show up to see things for myself or hear of it from a distance. Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people’s trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they’re up against: defeat for them, victory for you—and both because of God. There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting. You’re involved in the same kind of struggle you saw me go through, on which you are now getting an updated report in this letter. -Philippians 1:27-30 (the Message)

Hubs and I ran a Mudman yesterday-a 5K with 17 obstacles- with some crazy amazing friends from our church. We ran as a team, together the whole way. I know Hubs, with his competitive nature, could have run fast... he's made for speed that guy. Instead, he hung back to help me over the walls. Once when I was climbing a particularly scary 15-18 foot wall (Hubs calculations not mine), he must have seen the fear in my eyes because he climbed back up & talked me down. Our team cheered from the bottom.

There is something truly beautiful about running life together. Not only cheering each other on in our successes but getting right down in the muck to encourage each other thru the tough stuff. To come along side each other in support to finish well... to finish strong... & sometimes to just finish... 

I love love love being part of the body of Christ when it works together this way. I mean, who wouldn't want to be part of this kind of party... for real? 

“You may not remember the time you let me go first.
Or the time you dropped back to tell me it wasn't that far to go.
Or the time you waited at the crossroads for me to catch up.
You may not remember any of those, but I do and this is what I have to say to you: 
Today, no matter what it takes,
we ride home together.”
― Brian Andreas, Traveling Light: Stories & Drawings for a Quiet Mind

1800-273-TALK

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle” 

–J. M. Barrie

My heart is so sad tonight at the news of Robin Williams passing. Such a brilliant man who made us laugh & made us cry. May his death remind us to seize the day... to seize each moment we are given. May we reach out & cling to the One who has given us breath. Carpe diem. RIP Robin...

Last night the news trickled in… actor, comedian, father, husband, philanthropist Robin Williams, lost his life due to his battle with depression. I was overcome with sadness for this brilliant, beautiful soul snuffed out... it is almost incomprehensible . 

 

It’s strange how this loss, awakened memories from somewhere deep inside of me, that I rarely talk about. In those first moments, I found myself looking back at my own battle with an agonizing depression brought on by a near crippling eating disorder. It took me right back to a time in my own kitchen, some twenty years ago, where I was making my little boys lunch. It was macaroni & cheese & hot dog men that day. Their favorite. As I decorated those hot dogs with little ketchup feet, some ketchup leaked over onto my finger. Instead of doing the obvious, licking the ketchup off said thumb, I stared at it for a minute & then wiped it off on a kitchen towel. I just couldn’t stand thought of putting those extra calories in my mouth. In that instant, I realized how sick I really was. Slowly I sank to the floor in a puddle of tears. I hated myself & this disease so stinkin’ much… this horrible, secret, debilitating cancer of the mind that had consumed not only my body but everything good in my life. I felt hopeless to escape it, mortified to be in it & wasn’t sure I deserved to live long enough to make the changes I needed to anyway.

You see, I understand the kind of self-loathing that comes with depression. I understand not wanting to get up in the morning or take a shower or get dressed. I understand feeling like you aren’t enough… or that you are too much. I understand the horror of believing that you don’t deserve life or love or beauty. That somehow the pain of living inside your skin is far worse than the pain you will leave behind. A couple of times in my darkest moments, I considered running my car off the road so Hubs could still receive my death benefits. I seriously thought he might be better off without me & my stupid, ugly, valueless life. I also understand the shame from feeling these things. The fear that someone might see your pain & not care… or worse, that they might want to do something about it. 

Depression in its many shapes & forms isolates. It destroys all that is good & beautiful in life. Worst of all, it obliterates truth. 

What truth you might ask? 

The truth that God has created you uniquely for a purpose. (Ephesians 2:10) That He formed you in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). That He knows each & every hair on your head (Matthew 10:30). That your story is so powerful that your life can change the course of another. (Hebrews 3:13)

This. This is the truth that set me free from the lies that bound me. I couldn't save me... I didn't have the strength. Neither could Hubs... though he tried valiantly. It was Jesus & His unfailing love & miraculous grace that brought me out of the dark & into His Light. The Light of Life. 

Today, in the aftermath of this tragedy I pray that we will all realize how precious we are, how much we are loved & valued & treasured. & I pray that those who are struggling in the darkness alone, will find the courage to ask for help. 

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

 - Ephesians 2:10