Last thoughts on being a PW... well at least for now anyway...

So let’s do it—full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out.

Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going.

He always keeps his word.

Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.

 –Hebrews 10:22-25

When I started writing on this topic in October, I wasn’t really sure how or where it would go. It’s been a surprising journey. I learned quite a lot about myself… some good… some not so much. But maybe most importantly, despite the shaky beginning, I have come to realize that I actually love being a pastor’s wife & maybe even more astonishing, I actually love almost everything about ministry. Gasp! 

As I finish up with this topic for a while, I can’t help but feel like I might actually be coming into my own as a PW… took me long enough don’tcha think? 

So in closing, I like to share three things with the congregation my husband serves:  

Thank you for encouraging me to be myself.  

It’s given me such freedom not only to embrace God’s calling for my life but has also given me so much pleasure to minister alongside you.

We are in this thing together.

Thru the ups & the downs, the highs & the lows, the joy & the pain, the tears & the laughter, thru the good, the bad, & yes, even the ugly. Both yours... & mine. 

& finally

I love you… 

More than you could ever know. 

“Love each other dearly always. 

There is scarcely anything else in the world but that: to love one another.”  

 -Victor Hugo

"Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family." -Proverbs 18:24 (the Message)

Today is National Best Friend Day. Who knew? 

I think by now most people have come to understand that I’m a little bit of a free spirited rebel.  Unfortunately for my family & friends, this tends to spill over into holidays, especially Hallmark created ones… I just have a teensy bit of an aversion to media forced celebrations. I just can't help it. The dinners, out, the cards, the flowers, the candy, the jewelry... it's just too much! I always find myself wondering, where’s the ‘love’ the other 364 days a year people?

However, today as I’m preparing to finish up the month of October (tomorrow is the BIG day), I’m totally embracing National Friendship Day. 

Here’s why: 

If it weren’t for MY best friend, I wouldn’t have had a single thing to write about this past month. 

We are so different… 

He’s an extrovert. I’m an introvert.

I’m a writer. He’s a talker.

He’s a doer. I’m a thinker.

I’m laid back. He’s driven.

He’s emotional. I’m not.

I’m silly. He’s serious.

He’s trusting. I’m a skeptic.

I’m spicy. He’s sweet. 

One of the best things about our relationship though is how well these differences work. He is strong where I am weak… & he’s weak where I’m strong. I often tease that without him, our household would completely fall apart… literally.  & without me… well, let’s just say he wouldn’t laugh nearly as much. 

We are however, the same in some really amazing ways… 

We love God.

We love each other.

We love our children.

We love people.

We love ministry.

We love life.

We love laughter. 

Small things? Not to me. These... these are the BIG things. 

 “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

-Friedrich Nietzsche

What I Wish Somebody Would Have Told Me Before...

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: 
compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. 

Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. 

Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. 

And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. 

It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. 

Never be without it.

-Colossians 3:12-14 (the Message) 

  

I don't need a seminary degree to be a good pastor's wife. 

I think a lot of people assume because my husband is a pastor that I too have a seminary degree. I do not. Everything I have in my storehouse of ministry comes from years of prayer, reading & studying on my own, sitting under good Bible teaching, being part of small group Bible studies & from deep conversations with my husband, who has a doctorate in ministry.

This was one of my hang-ups in the beginning. But I've long since come to a real place of comfortability in where I am in my spiritual walk, who I am & what God has called me to be as a wife, a mom & a PW. 

Even more, I love the beautiful peace that comes with that... 

http://youtu.be/JbCfyZHSQbE 

Enjoying the swim...

 You will show me the way of life,
    granting me the joy of your presence
    and the pleasures of living with you forever.

-Psalm 16:11 (NLT) 

 When Chuck was called from youth ministry to be a senior pastor, we attended a retreat for pastors & their wives. I came away so discouraged. In our break-out sessions, the wives were so negative about their churches, the people they served with & ministry as a whole. I realized that if I wasn’t careful that could be me in ten years. I made a decision that weekend that I would do everything I could for that NOT to be me. 

So, here’s what I decided: 

I would choose to love God & love people. No matter how tough things got or how difficult people are.

I would embrace my husbands’ calling. Not just by supporting & encouraging him at home but by supporting him & his decisions at church as well. Very few people understand how political pastoring a church can be or how one critical remark can undo twenty encouraging ones. It’s my calling not only to build him up when others seek to tear him down, but to give grace to those who are selfish or unkind. When it comes right down to it, my husband knows, I’ve got his back.

I would embrace God’s calling on my own life. Despite how much I bucked being a pastor’s wife in the beginning or how reluctant or insecure I was about my capabilities, I realized that when God called Chuck, He called me as well. As my role & responsibilities continue to change in our family, I’m watching & praying for new ways that God can best use me. 

I would focus on what I have & not what I don’t have. Pastors notoriously have big degrees & little paychecks. Most pastor’s wives have to work outside the home to make ends meet. We’ve been very blessed to be serving in a church that cares very dearly for us & compensates us well, but I always want to be careful not to be jealous of what other people have; a big house, a bigger bank account, a new car, the capability to pay for their kids college, a nice retirement, etc. I need to remember that we are doing Kingdom work & while our 401K might be pretty non-existent, we are investing in the lives of people. & We truly are blessed in all the ways that are important. We have a God that loves us intimately, a beautiful marriage, precious children, good friends, a healthy ministry & all that we NEED. 

I would remain positive. It’s easy to get discouraged when harmful criticism rears it's ugly head or difficult personalities challenge my patience. Some days, I feel I can’t do anything quite right. But when those days come, I try to focus on the amazing, wonderful things that God is doing. 

I would pump people up. Most people just need to be loved, encouraged & built up to be all that God has created them to be. It’s amazing how a little unconditional love can light a fire in someone’s soul, how a hug & an encouraging word can fan that same flame into fire & how helping someone discover their true value in Jesus, can explode into a wildfire that changes everything. 

Fishbowl living can be very challenging, I’m not gonna lie. I’m just choosing not to dwell in a dirty bowl or manage to just survive it. Instead, I’m choosing to thrive in our "fishbowl life".

 “I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.”

-Anne Frank, Diary of a Young Girl

A PK's view from the pew...

All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. 

But sin didn’t, and doesn’t, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. 

When it’s sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. 

All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that’s the end of it. 

Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, 

invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end. 

-Romans 5:20 & 21 (the Message) 

Pretty much all week I've been talking about the lives of pastor's kids..

I thought it may be appropriate to end this week by sharing with you one of my most favorite pastor's kid stories. 

It happened when I was in the Jr. High. There were very few girls my age in the church where my dad was the youth minister, so very often I found myself surrounded by boys. We were a motley crew. We ran wild in the church basement, teasing each other, yucking it up during Sunday school & playing tag after church in the large grassy area behind the church.

One night in particular, we found ourselves sitting in the balcony during the Sunday evening service. Unchaperoned. I must say, considering what followed, it's a wonder that my parents allowed me up there with those guys at all.  We will just chalk it up to a momentary lapse of judgement on their part. 

Anyhoo...

As the service began we found ourselves peeking over the banister & onto the heads of the people below. Directly below us was a sweet little old man who always fell asleep during the service. It's no wonder really, he was a sheep farmer & had to be up very early in the morning. Almost as if on cue about ten minutes in, he fell asleep, head tipped back, mouth hanging open. I'm not really sure whose bright idea it was to try dropping something into his mouth but soon enough we were balling up tiny wads of paper, torn from the bulletin & taking aim. Each 'drop' sent us into violent (yet silent) fits of laughter.

& then... to our surprise... the pastor stopped teaching... he looked up into the balcony & said, "Lisa Miller & the boys in the balcony. You need to stop what you are doing." 

Oh the horror! 

I can't begin to tell you of the fear I felt creep into my heart. Then.  & when I heard my dad's feet on the balcony stairs. I hung my head in shame & followed him down the narrow stairway... forever to be banished to the second row with my mom & my two baby sisters. 

I tell you this today, partly because it is horrible & hilarious & partly because it reminds me that despite how ridiculous I was behaving on the outside, I was learning & growing on the inside. Slowly, I was becoming a teeny bit more like Jesus every day. It may very well surprise you, that it wasn't the teaching I was receiving... quite honestly, I don't remember much of what we were being taught in Sunday school or church or even youth group during that time. What I do remember is that Doug, our Sunday school teacher loved us. That he prayed with us & he laughed with us. That despite our wild ways, he gave us grace. That in itself impacted me more than anything he ever could have said. 

Grace is a crazy thing. 

We don't have to be perfect to gain it... it creeps up on us when we are running wild, stops us in our tracks & changes us forever.

 “Legalism says God will love us if we change. 

The gospel says God will change us because He loves us.” 

-Tullian Tchividjian

What Casper the dog taught me about loving people

en·cour·age

transitive verb \in-ˈkər-ij, -ˈkə-rij, en-\

: to make (someone) more determined, hopeful, or confident
: to make (something) more appealing or more likely to happen

: to make (someone) more likely to do something : to tell or advise (someone) to do something

Synonyms

bear up, buck up, buoy (up), cheer (up), chirk (up), embolden, hearten, inspire, inspirit, steel

This is Casper the dog.

He's gone to doggy heaven now, but when he was alive, he lived with our dear friends Dave & April & their three girls. He was their gentle giant, consumer of all the Halloween candy, their valiant protector. 

Casper & I had a pretty surface relationship in the beginning. I patted his head from time to time in passing & greeted him with a customary "hello" when we arrived at his domain. He was after all, just an extension of our friends. 

Until...

Dave called from his in-laws. They were getting a late start home & could one of us pick Cas up at the kennel before it closed so they wouldn't have pay an extra night? It wasn't a big deal, my husband had done this before... except for this time, he had youth group & that left me to do the deed. So, I headed out in my husbands big beast of a truck (I didn't want the dog hair in my car) to pick him up. 

From the moment I pulled into the kennel drive, Casper began to bark. He knew our truck & knew one of us had come to rescue him. Now, I should have probably told you that Cas was an 80 pound Weimaraner & he was so excited to see me I could barely clip his leash on his collar. As he literally drug me to the truck, I'm pretty sure I saw the kennel owners in the the window... laughing. 

I opened the door & he scrambled up into the cab. Barking. 

As I slipped in beside him, I yelled (in my most authoriative voice), "Casper! STOP!" He looked at me & barked again. 

I put the truck in gear & pulled out of the driveway with Casper barking in my ear. So close I could feel his breath on my cheek. We continued on this way most of the ride home... him barking in my ear & me yelling for him to STOP! until he finally shut up & instead began licking my face & hair. No matter what I did, I couldn't get him to leave me alone. 

When we finally arrived home, I opened the door & he bounded out, barking & 'christening' every bush in sight.

Upon entering, I put some food in his bowl, gave him some water & a biscuit, patted his head & made for the door. 

As I passed the mirror in the entry, I caught site of myself. That knucklehead had licked my hair strait up into the air & his slobber had hardened into the strongest hair gel I have ever seen before or since.  I burst out laughing. 

Casper resumed his barking. 

I bent down & really rubbed his head & ears & neck. Then I hugged him. 

He was quiet. 

He looked up at me with his big amber eyes. In that moment, I knew our relationship had changed. He licked me one last time & turned away. 

I left him curled up on the chair in the living room. Resting. 

As I drove home that night, my crusted hair still defying gravity, I realized something. Cas is really no different than many people I come into contact with. When life is good, they pull you along, party hard, laugh loud, act crazy & pee on the bushes. When they are in pain, they push you away & then invade your space, bark in your ear & then lick your face. When we set aside all this ridiculousness & really love on them, they aren't really sure what to do. They are quiet. They reflect. They find peace. 

Our words, our tone, our body language & our actions hold a lot of  power.We can really amp people up or speak gently into their souls. When we choose to bend down & comfort a weary, hurting person we are are truly doing Kingdom work.

"Life takes the heart out of us... Love puts the heart back in." 

-Chuck Pelkey 

Cas... being patient with us...