Rock on my imperfect PW sistas... Rock on!

He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justice, to love kindness,
And to walk humbly with your God?

-Micah 6:8 (NASB)

It was a rainy Saturday much like today.  I sat in a salon chair having my hair trimmed, quietly listening to the small town chatter around me, when I realized that the subject had turned to our former pastor’s wife. She was perfect. She was outgoing & involved, she led music & prayed in prayer meetings, she was an amazing cook & hostess.

Suddenly, I was caught off guard…

“Why are YOU not more like that?” a woman asked me.

“I am not her. I am me.” I almost whispered.

“Well… we all wish you were.” She quipped back.

It was silent for a moment & then the conversation moved on to something or someone else.

Quickly, I paid my bill & left the shop. As I slipped into the driver’s seat of my car & closed the door, I lay my head onto the steering wheel & cried my eyeballs out.

You see, that woman put words to what my heart already felt. That I wasn’t doing enough. That I wasn’t enough. 

I think many churches do long for the stereotypical pastor’s wife. You know the one… “On Sunday mornings, she stands quietly by her husband, greeting church guests with a submissive smile that says thank you and God bless. She plays the piano, organizes cake walks and never forgets a prayer request. She wears stockings and knows all 31,103 Bible verses. She only raises her voice to sing Amazing Grace.” (a.)

Not only did I feel this kind of pressure early on in ministry but I put that same pressure onto myself. Now with fifteen years of ministry behind us, I know that not only can I not bow to the expectations of others but I have to give myself grace when it comes to ministry. I need only please God… to be true to the woman He has created me to be.

I’m not ever going to be the stereotypical pastor’s wife. I work full-time outside our home. I serve frozen lasagna to my family & have been known to bring a bag of chips to potlucks. I am laid back & unorganized & can just barely carry a tune in a bucket. I am spunky & sassy & struggle to keep quiet in the face of injustice.  I’m always going to be working to be a better wife, mom, daughter & friend.

The longer we are in ministry I’ve also come to realize that I am not alone. I have yet to meet a woman that fits the stereotypical mold & many pastor's wives admit to have been plagued by this idea of a ‘perfect piano playing PW’. It makes me wonder... is she extinct? Or did she ever exist at all?

“I must be taken as I have been made.

The success is not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two together make me.”

–Charles Dickens, Great expectations

(a.)  Pastors' wives seek to break from stereotypes- By Sarah Whitman, Times Correspondent http://www.tampabay.com/news/religion/pastors-wives-seek-to-break-from-stereotypes/2123650