Because spicy Facebook comments often demand follow up…

Me. Josh. Caleb. & Hannah.

It’s no secret that I love my kids… sometimes to the point of distraction. I am after all, no different than any other mom. & I do not take this responsibility lightly. 

It is because of this very thing that I find myself struggling the most, when church people are unkind to or criticize my kids. 

Now don’t get me wrong. My kids are not above reproach. I know they are far from perfect. I've lived with them remember.

But take a moment to think about it from their perspective. By no fault of their own, they get to live their whole lives, including their awkward & sometimes painful teen years, in front of an audience.

When we entered ministry, my biggest fear was that we would lose our kids to the world, at the hands of the church.

Before you judge, I am not crazy. For real.

According to several sources (Pike, 2009, Calvin, 2008, Montgomery, 2006, et al) eighty percent of adult children of pastors surveyed have had to seek professional help for depression. Pastor’s kids rarely stay in the church or keep their faith. Eighty percent of pastors believe pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families. Many pastor’s children do not attend church now because of what the church has done to their parents. Larry and Lorrie Russell through Shepherd’s Heart Ministry, hear the painful stories from pastors. Larry shares some insight in an article on Crosswalk.

“We’re seeing more pastors’ children in deep depression and becoming prodigal with no resources for intensive counseling. The kids say, ‘Ministry has taken over our world.’ External, performance-oriented affirmation becomes the basis for self-esteem and kids rebel against that. They want discipline to be worked out within the family structure. They want parents who will say, “We don’t care what anybody else thinks. We will manage our family in the way we think is appropriate and we will take the fallout’” (Montgomery, 2006, par. 11).

Read more here: Hey, You're a Pastor's Kid - Why Aren't You Crazy? - ChurchPlanting.com

 

So, here’s my thing…

I do NOT care if my kids have blue hair or pink hair or long hair or short hair. I do NOT care if they have a nose ring or earrings or a tattoo. I do NOT care if they wear jeans or sweats or tennis to church as long as their bodies are covered. 

I DO care about their hearts.

Because while my kids are not perfect, here’s what not everyone gets to see… 

That boy with the long hair. He grew it out for Locks of Love. In Jr. High he volunteered (all on his own) to babysit at the Crisis Pregnancy Center once a week so the young moms could attend a Bible study. & a couple of years later when Fargo flooded, he hopped in his car & drove there to help sandbag. Because he felt like it was the right thing to do. 

That quiet kid that wore athletic shorts to Sunday service. Without prompting, he took it upon himself to clean & put all the screens back in our windows one spring so his dad could rest on Saturday. He played catch with his little sister in the backyard every night for an hour every summer, even after working all day. & he still carries a jug of water & a box of granola bars in his trunk just in case he ventures across a homeless person. Because he sees them.

The little girl who can hardly sit still during the worship service. She’s reading the Bible all the way through in a year, all on her own. & her heart is so tender that she begged me start a small group for girls her age. There are fifteen little girls coming.

No. They are not perfect. But their hearts are good & they are trying. 

They are trying to make this faith, that their parents have given their lives to, their own. 

So please encourage them. It's hard to be in the spotlight all the time.

& if you have questions or concerns… please come talk to me. To my face. 

I promise not to maul you.