Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
-Psalm 51:10 (NASB)
My husband & I are doing a 24 day ‘cleanse’. Yes we are aware that there are 3, 5 & 10
days cleanses available to us. But apparently, we like living on the edge.
Embracing the extreme. There is no
shortage of crazy going on around here I can tell you that for sure.
I have to admit that initially, I was kind of looking at the whole
cleansing thing as a ‘flare over the bow’ so to speak. We’ve been concerned for
a long time that our jobs & schedules have left our bodies unhealthy,
overweight & exhausted. We just needed a little jump start to healthy
eating & exercising & sleeping again.
Enter… “THE CLEANSE”... how
hard could it be right?
Before we started, I had visions of Chuck & I shopping side by
side at the farmers market, filling our reusable cloth bags with delightful produce & range free, grass fed meat... cooking deliciously
gourmet meals… sipping lemon & mint infused water as we lounged
around in workout clothes… after we took a nice leisurely walk hand in hand
down the Wobegon trail of course.
Yes, I see now where I went wrong here. Don’t judge. I was after all,
bloated & filled with toxins from all the processed foods I had been
eating.
Or maybe, I just selectively forgot that we still had to live our
normal day to day & that following ‘THE CLEANSE’ meant no coffee, no sugar,
no breads, no dairy, no soda, no alcohol… aka no melt in your mouth
deliciousness… no fun… no nothing.
I digress.
Today as I sit down to write this on my morning break, we are on day
10. I’m all settled in to gather my thoughts over a mug of organic herbal tea
& handful of unsalted natural almonds. Suddenly the smell of fresh coffee &
some kind of fabulous homemade baked good is wafting over the top of my
cubicle. GAH! While I have to admit that I haven’t had a headache from my
borderline addiction to coffee (this is probably due to the supplements we are
taking), I really, really miss it. Like a lot.
My husband however, is thriving on this new regimen. He bounces out
of bed in early morning to begin concocting the potion we must drink before we
begin our day. When I stagger from the bedroom a few minutes later, I find him
chatting away & whisking eggs for our veggie omelets… I love the eggs &
him but I scowl at him anyway. It’s too early for chatter without coffee.
Here is a conversation we have the 3rd morning & after I can’t take
one more sip of the dreaded fiber drink any more…
Me (glowering into the glass): “Ewe. Seriously.”
Chuck: “Mine tastes great.”
Me (now glowering at him): “How lucky for you.”
Chuck: “How bad can it be?”
Me: “So bad.”
Chuck: “Let me see.”
He snatches my glass & takes a nice long pull.
Chuck: “UGH! That is disgusting!”
Me (satisfied but still glowering alternately between him & the glass):
“Yes Captain Obvious. This. This is what I have been telling you.”
Chuck (sweetly): “Wow babe. Attitude.”
In that moment, I had a choice. A choice to end his life &
discretely dispose of his body or to bite my tongue. I bit it. Let me tell you, this was nothing
short of a miracle all things considered. But despite how hungry or tired or coffee
deprived I am, I’m no dummy. My husband is the strongest, kindest most compassionate
person I know, & not to mention super cute. I think I’ll keep him.
Back to the 'cleanse'... here’s the kicker. That guy
loves the rest of the program too. The ‘potions’, the fiber, the herbal supplements,
the many liters of water, the weight loss, how good his body feels. I however,
hate it. I’m not gonna lie… I do like how my body feels too or at least I do after
day three. I will spare you the gory
details of what kind of havoc that that stupid fiber drink wreaked upon my unsuspecting
body. Yes I know that I probably was just full up to my eyeballs with deadly
toxins that needed to be purged but that is beside the point. To be honest, I just
don’t like to be told what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat. It throws off my groove man & makes
me feel stifled. You might as well pin my
free spirit to the ground with stakes… of celery.
I know in my head that what we are doing is good for us & I’m
confident in the end, we will feel better & will have more energy. It’s
just… my body, my free spirit… for reasons that mostly likely make little
sense, are rebelling.
This reminds me that this rebellion thing is kind of a weakness for
me. I love all things anti-establishment. I like to follow my own path. To move to the beat of my own
drum. My husband frequently teases that if I had lived in the 70’s & didn’t
know Jesus, I’d have been a hippie. Love,
peace, happiness plus poetry readings & guitar music in dark coffee houses
while wearing boots & something remotely resembling my gramma’s afghan? Ugh
duh…Of course I would've been.
& yet, I know that this same free-spirited personality trait
sometimes trickles over into my spiritual life. I very often find myself questioning
God on things that I KNOW He wants me to do or fighting Him on things that make
me super uncomfortable. Like rules. Or confrontation. Or accountability. Or give to Caesar what is Caesar's.
I mean, the body cleanse is ‘good’ but I’m suddenly very much aware that what I might need more is a soul cleanse…
The late Keith Green, my all time favorite worship song writer &
leader in the Jesus People movement once wrote this amazing song:
Rushing wind blow
through this temple,
Blowing out the dust
within,
Come and breathe your
breath upon me,
I've been born again.
Holy Spirit, I
surrender, take me where you want to go,
Plant me by your
living water,
Plant me deep so I
can grow.
Jesus, you’re the
one, who sets my spirit free,
Use me Lord, glorify,
your Holy Name through me.
Separate me from this
world Lord.
Sanctify my life for
you.
Daily change me to
your image,
Help me bear good
fruit.
Every day you're
drawing closer.
Trials come to test
my faith.
But when all is said
and done Lord,
You know, it was
worth the wait.
Jesus, you’re the
one, who set my spirit free,
Use me Lord, glorify,
your Holy Name through me.
Rushing wind blow
through this temple,
Blowing out the dust
within,
Come and breathe your
breath upon me,
For I've been born
again.
So yeah…
about that whole physical cleanse thing…
I got nothing
else to say really…
Camping out here instead for a while...
“The gospel
is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived,
died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creation.
Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and
professional lovers, men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the
fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity
to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the
very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes,
purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant,
furious love.
This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian.”
–Brennan
Manning, The Furious Longing of God
