bubble girl...

Cultivate these things.

 Immerse yourself in them.

The people will all see you mature right before their eyes!

Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching.

Don’t be diverted.

Just keep at it.

Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation.

-1 Timothy 4:15 & 16 (the Message)

I am a work in progress... always.

AHHHH! STAY OUT OF MY BUBBLE!

This was ever more apparent this past week as I found myself back to my old work place for a regional staff meeting.  I had gone to see some of my old coworkers, one of which I had nominated for an award. She had just been informed that she had received it & was still I think in a bit of a shock. This precious quiet lady is an unsung hero really. One who works diligently behind the scenes to make the rest of us look good. As she bashfully thanked me for nominating her, I was so overcome with excitement that I just reached out to hug her. She let me but she had this look... you know the one of pure terror.  The one where someone you vaguely know is about to come into your bubble.

In that moment I realized... I have officially switched to other side & become one of  'those people'.  You see... I used to have a great big bubble. Which was comfortable & safe & not the slightest bit messy. Hubs used to tease me about my wooden hugs, & stiff back patting & frozen smiles.

I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't take it a bit further to say that this went far beyond the whole hugging thing. I very rarely let anyone inside the bubble to see the for real me. But as God has grown me over the years, He's shown me not only how to hug involuntarily & GASP... how to actually enjoy it... He's shown me how to let down my guard & let people in.

I know that this is risk. That when you open yourself up to others you run the risk of being hurt. I also know that when you open up yourself to others you get to experience the best of life. After all, God created us to be in deep fellowship with each other.

Yeah so... Don't fight it.
You know I'm coming right up on into
your bubble right?

Here's the dealio... It's hard to change things that are safe & comfortable to us. It's easier to make excuses about our personalities & not take responsibility for what God is calling us to work on. This has always been true for me. There are times I long for the quiet, peaceful, introverted bubble I used to live in. There's so much less drama back in that thing. But I know deep down inside my soul that God is calling me to step out of the shadows, to engage in the beautiful, messy world of people. & that because He is calling me, He will give me the strength & courage to live there with JOY.

"That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond.

To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."                

- Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

when your tummy grumbles... pray

      "So we fasted and prayed about these concerns.
                                                                And He listened."

- Ezra 8:23

I've never fasted before. Mostly because I have always been a little bit fearful that it would trigger my eating disorder & partly because I've just never been compelled to do so.

This past week our dear friend & founder of our church, Bruce was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. With a complicated surgery looming, his beautiful family asked us to fast & pray for him. For the first time even in my life, I felt completely & utterly convicted to do the whole thing.

I think people choose to fast in different ways. Some fast from certain meals, committing that time instead to prayer. Some choose to fast from everything but fluids for a certain amount of time. Others just from certain foods or from other things that take their time away from prayer.

I decided to fast from everything but water from the time I woke up this morning until we heard news of Bruce's surgery... praying for Bruce & his family whenever my stomach growled.

I found myself praying at random times. In a work meeting. In my car on the commute to & from work. At my desk. While I was waiting for my daughter to get out of cross country. When I got the news that Bruce had made it out of surgery. That it had been successful. That our dear friend was resting peacefully.

I'm not telling you this because I want you to think I'm some kind of spectacular person. I'm not. I'm telling you this because I don't want you to be afraid of fasting. It's not some kind of mystical thing that people did way back in Bible times or that people of puritanical persuasion do today.

19th century Scottish missionary, Andrew Murray reminds us that, "Prayer is reaching out after the unseen; fasting is letting go of all that is seen and temporal. Fasting helps express, deepen, confirm the resolution that we are ready to sacrifice anything, even ourselves to attain what we seek for the kingdom of God."

This is what God wants... for us to seek His face on behalf of others. So that HE may be glorified.

selfishness, selfishness is what I long for... wait. what?

Ever get a song stuck in your head & you can't for the life of you get it out? This is going on with me this morning. The song is 'Holiness' by Sonic Flood. Do you know it?

Holiness, holiness is what I long for
Holiness is what I need
Holiness, holiness is what you
Want from me

 

So, take my heart and form it
Take my mind and transform it
Take my will and conform it
To yours, to yours, oh Lord
To yours, to yours, oh Lord

 

Faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for
Faithfulness is what I need
Faithfulness, faithfulness is what
You want from me

 

So, take my heart and form it
Take my mind and transform it
Take my will and conform it
To yours, to yours, oh Lord

 

Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for
Brokenness is what I need
Brokenness, brokenness is what
You want from me
What you want from me
It's what I want

 

The fact that this song is stuck in my brain, is indicative of the way God's been hammering away at me recently to take a step back & take a moment to evaluate what I really 'long' for. I would imagine that this stems partly because Hubs & I have been talking a lot lately about what it means to really sacrifice for the cause of Christ. Not sacrifice in the sanitized western evangelical Christian cultural sense but in the for real real wipe-you-out spiritual one. It's become very apparent to me as God has been working in my own heart that I, along with most cultural Christians, do not sacrifice. Don't get me wrong, there are many people who are doing good things for God but are they really sacrificing? I'm beginning to think not. 

 

I mean, if you really take a moment to think about it, when was the last time you went out of your way to do something for Jesus? When was the last time you did something that had absolutely no benefit to you? 

 

To be blunt, we are super good about dropping an envelope in the offering plate... but not so much that it would hurt us aka keep us from going out to dinner or movie. We quickly volunteer for & attend things that are comfortable for us... things we can do in & of our own strength. We cater to our own pet projects & follow our own agendas instead of watching where God is working & joining Him there. We gravitate toward relationships that are easy & fit into our lives without much discomfort... cause who wants to be held accountable to our actions or God forbid pour your heart into something that might not ever give back to you? Am I right?  

 

In the book of 1 John, the author reminds the Christian church to be aware that sacrifice = love.

 

This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God’s love? It disappears. And you made it disappear. -1 John 3:16 & 17

 

Ouch!

 

You guys! what we do for Christ & the way in which we do it matters. Do you think for a minute that Jesus doesn't see right down into our souls? He sees our agendas & motivations. Our selfishness & pride. Do you think He is impressed by the things we do in our own strength? Um no. Do you think He cares about our lame excuses like; "I don't have time" & "That's not where I'm gifted"?  Not likely.

 

What He does care about is that we do things for Him because we love Him & we love each other. This means that we truly sacrifice ourselves... that we put aside... our agendas, our schedules, our time, our talents, our money, our stuff, our love, our dreams, our lives for the sake of the gospel.

 

Yeah, in our culture I know this sounds whackadoo but seriously people... in my experience, whackadoo is where God works best.

 

 

 

 

kloveyoubye

My little family has a way we end every phone call we ever have with each other... "K. Loveyou. Bye." It's always said as if it's just one word. Kloveyoubye.
 
As most of you know, I started a new job a month ago today. Unlike my last library position, this one requires me to interact with the public & answer the phone. I am so enjoying the patron & staff interaction but the first day I worked, I found myself signing off my first phone call with, "kloveyoubye". I can hardly imagine the face of the patron on the other end of the line. Can you say, "AWKWARD"?
 
Most of my adult life I've lived far away from my family & now as my own children have grown & gone, they too have chosen to follow God's plan for them far from home. Time spent as a family comes farther & farther in between. Not that we don't try. It's just really hard to coordinate everyone's lives & schedules. 
 
This week my heart hurts. I miss the Florida Chapter of the Pelkeys. I miss our son Caleb & his girl. I miss my mama & daddy & my sisters & their families. I wish we could all be together. I wish I could hear our boys banter with my dad, listen to my daughter-in-law share her heart about her life, laugh with my sisters, lay my head on my mama's shoulder & watch my daughter roughhouse with her cousins. I miss all these things.

It's days like this when I long to be stranded on a desert island with these people my heart loves. In this moment I want to scrap the life we've built here & go on the road spending three months here & three months there & there & there soaking every bit of them up. Yes I know this is impractical & far from feasible financially & is quite frankly silly. I also know that God has a much bigger plan for me... & for them. & while it is doubtful that we will ever all live within even an hour of each other; I do find some comfort in knowing that one day I will be able to spend every day with them in heaven.

Till then there will be phone calls & texting & Facebook & Skype & Facetime. Till then there will be long car rides & connecting flights & vacations spent together. Till then there will be kloveyoubye.

"Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives." -1 Peter 2:11-12 (the Message)

be brave. be authentic.

Remember that one time waaaaaaaaay back in July when I said I was going to wear red lipstick for a month? Guess what? I'm still wearing it. Partly cause I like the idea of being a risk taker... not just in theory but in for real life. The lipstick reminds me to be brave. The other part is that I just like the red. It makes me feel glamorous even when I'm sitting around in my sweatpants. Oh yes people, I am wearing the lipstick even in my sweatpants. Why? Cause you never know when you might need the courage to do something extraordinary in your sweatpants that's why. Seriously.

Anyhoo... I started the Red-Lipstick Challenge to do something every day that scares me. After all this time you might be wondering… has it changed me? Am I any braver?

Here are the top ten things I’ve learned about being brave... in no particular order:

 

10. Bravery isn’t always an outward showing of strength & courage… sometimes it’s something that happens internally.

 

9. You can do a lot of crazy brave things with the right kind of encouragement… sometimes from others… sometimes from yourself… & all the time from God.

 

8. Red lipstick is empowering. No wonder my friend Miss Pat, who is in her eighties, is never seen without hers. On a side note, she went tubing behind a boat for the first time just a couple of years ago… Oh yeah, she’s all kinds of spectacular. I hope I will still have her sense of adventure when I am her age.

 

7. Being brave has nothing to do with fear… it’s just making the choice to do that which frightens you anyway .

 

6. If you do little scary things it lights a fire within you to do BIG scary things... doing scary things is faith building.

 

5. Being my authentic self is absolutely terrifying & sometimes painful. I choose to be my authentic self anyway.

4. A little spicy color in your life is a good thing. Wheather that's a new shade of lipstick or a life change or a new relationship. Knockmeoverwithafeather... color aka change can be your friend. Who knew?

3. Risk is not my thing. Security is. But sometimes it's the right thing to risk anyway.

2. Accepting God's best for you requires giving up something deep down inside. It requires the deepest kind of bravery.

1. The Christian journey is not for the faint of heart... if I want to experience God in His fullness, I need to brace myself for the crazy beautiful life He has planned for me.

So I guess you can say, my commitment to wear the Red has changed me. I'm braver than I was a couple of months ago... but I have a long way to go till I can say that I live my life with complete & total reckless abandon. To be honest, now that I've had a little taste of it though... I want it that much more. One day, I will live my life with arms outstretched to receive all the things God has for me. One day...

"Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage!

Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

-God, Joshua 1:9 (the Message)

Love 'DOES'

Ever have one of those days where God pours His Spirit out on you & renders you senseless?
This was my day yesterday.

I decided to take the day off at the coffee shop because I've been working 10 hour days between there & the library & to be honest, I'm a little... well I'm tired that's what I am. So tired that I'm compelled to shout out to all of those people who do this two job thing all the time. I respect the snot out of you people! For reals!

Anyhoo... yesterday, I slept in till 6 (whoooohoooooooo), saw Hubs & our daughter off to work & school, threw on some jeans & headed to a different coffee shop to read my Bible, spend some quiet time with God & eventually to catch up with a girlfriend.

What followed was an outpouring of God love all over my weary soul. He reminded me that His love operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright. It's more about presence than a project. It's a brand of love that doesn't just think about good things, or agree with them, or talk about them. Love DOES.

It's a hard concept to accept when you are tired & to be honest the Christian walk can be tiring. I know mine is. Why? Cause it's about sacrifice. Sacrificing my will, my desires, my time, my talent, my life for the sake of the Gospel.

By the time my girlfriend arrived, I was a big ol' mess. I could barely speak. Oh yes.,. I was on the verge of ugly crying, But there in that crowded coffee shop, my friend encouraged my heart. Not that she coddled me. I don't expect or want that from her. She spoke truth & life into me & sent me on my way.

I spent the rest of the day running errands & catching up on all the things I have missed the past few weeks before heading to another friend's home to pray. All I can say about this is that it was a powerful time. A life changing time. A time where the morning's Spirit filling allowed my spirit to overflow out onto others.

Oh my goodness people! God is so stinkin' cool right?!

I'm amazed at His faithfulness to me as I stumble along on my faith journey & I'm humbled by how He manages to take a hopelessly flawed girl like me to encourage others. Knockmeoverwithafeather! Can you imagine how much more He can do with you?

"I used to think being a believer was enough,
but now I know Jesus wants us to participate,
no matter what condition we're in."
-Bob Goff

Bite marks on my butt

I'm about to be brutally honest up in here... it's no secret that I struggle with relationships. I very often find myself opening up with complete transparency only to be betrayed by my own words.

This happened to me last week. Something that I said in confidence, circled its way back around to me. Now, I get that it's never OK for me to gossip... I trust that when or if I'm skirting on the edge of that nonsense, that the people closest to me will check me on it. But I wonder sometimes if it's ever OK to share my heart. You know, the deepest parts of me that no one but God & sometimes Hubs sees.

I have to admit when confronted with my own words this week; my first reaction was to run thru those words my mind... to determine its source... to cut people out... to tighten up my circle. That's what my cautious nature wants to do. But is that what God wants for me?

Proverbs 17:9 reminds me to, "Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend!"

This doesn't mean I become a doormat for those who would seek to harm me or share my deepest thoughts with everyone that comes into my life; but it is clear that if I want authenticity from others, I have to continue to be authentic myself. & if I truly want transparency in my closest relationships, I have to be transparent myself. Even if it bites me.

Will I tighten my circle? To be honest, I might for a while. Just while I try to find my footing. Will I close up & not trust? I pray God will give me the courage not to do that terrible thing. I hope instead that this insatiable desire He has put in my heart to be open & honest about my life, far outweighs the pain that might bring me.

I know that tossing out bits & pieces of my heart like that will always be an occupational hazard for me in my role as a pastor's wife... & bite marks on my derrière will mostly likely be a part of that too. 

Courage heart!

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves    

cause Jr. High is coming... whether I like it or not

this would be me... in the 7th grade

"Get the word out. Teach all these things. And don’t let anyone put you down because you’re young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity." -1 Timothy 4:11&12 (the Message)

 

So you guys... You remember that I have mostly grown up boys right? It's common knowledge that I might be a little bit in denial about that actually. They are lovely grown up man people. 

 

Anyhoo... I also have a wee widdle baby daughter who is going to be in the 7th grade next week? 

Needless to say, this mumma has been having a few issues. Why? Cause Jr. High is super hard people that why!!!! 

 

Almost every woman, in the numerous small groups I've lead over the years, have NOT loved Jr. High. In fact, most had a difficult experience... some are still trying to recover from it.  

I just want my girl to know how amazing & beautiful & smart & gifted she is. I don't want her to look for her value in her peers. Boys or girls. I don't want her to worry about being popular or fashionable or even the best at everything. Instead I want her strive to be brave & strong & compassionate. To love the kids who aren't so loveable & to stand up for the kids who get teased.

 This weekend, the last one before school starts, I snuck away with her. We talked about what she can expect... we talked about what things may change... we talked about all the things... from changing classes & using a lock with a combination to running cross country & starting youth group & all the things that make Jr. High awesome. We also talked about the hard things... from friend drama to boy drama to how everyone is just trying to figure out who they are & what they stand for & where they fit.



As we talked, I marveled at this beautiful young lady... cause this is really who she is becoming... I marveled at her strong inner compass, her passion for justice, her desire to do the right thing & not follow the crowd. Could it be that despite the fact that she has a chicken headed mumma (who really has no reason to be freaking out about Jr. High), that she will escape the perils of Jr. High unscathed?

Likely not.

But here is what I'm sure of now... she is sure of herself. Of who she is & where she belongs. She's a Pelkey girl... a spicy little lady who has two protective big brothers who have got her back... a sister-in-law she can share her heart with, a mumma who is determined to help her navigate her teen years with grace & dignity & a daddy who loves her to the point of distraction. Best of all, she knows that she's a child of a King... she knows that He wants the best for her & that He created her for an amazing purpose.


It is my prayer that as she begins Jr. High she will not lose this sense of self. That she will not allow others to tear down what God has so carefully constructed. That instead, she will make a difference where she is... that she will shine from the inside... & be Jesus with skin on.

“As believers, everything we do is based on how we view God.” -Hayley DiMarco